I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up to the feeling of being carried upstairs. Dez lays me down on the bed. He pulls the damp towel out from around me and lifts the covers over me. Bending down, he kisses me on the head again.
“Dez?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it’ll ever go back to how it was before? Or do you think he’s lost forever?”
He lets out a deep sigh. “I dunno. But he’s a fuckin’ moron; that much I do know.” I smile at that. “Get some sleep.”
“Thanks for being here. For being my friend. My constant,” I tell him, taking his hand in mine.
He kisses my hand. “Back at ya, babe.”
I doze back to sleep, thinking of Sonny, wishing he were here lying with me, holding me.
The next time I wake, I feel him around me. His warmth, his comfort. His scent of sweet earthy spice surrounds me. Humming, I push back into his body more. I have a need to be as close to him as possible. I want to burrow inside him and stay there forever.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers into my ear, much like he did earlier in the pool. “Today was a bad day. I used you and left you, and that wasn’t right.”
“You never talk to me anymore.”
“I can’t. You know that.”
Spinning in his arms, I face him, my legs tangling with his under the covers. “Can’t or won’t?”
His head falls to mine. “Both,” he admits. “I know you need more. You should have so much more than what I’m giving you. But I don’t know how to do that right now.” He looks at me, his eyes calm but with so much in them. “I love you so fucking much, Tink. You have to know that.”
“I do.” My hand goes to his cheek. “I love you too.”
“Are you mine?” he asks as his hand travels down my body, fingers running up my center through my bikini bottoms I fell asleep in.
“Yes,” I hiss when he pulls the string at my hip and then palms me before sliding a finger inside me.
Throwing the blankets back, the cool air hits my heated center, making me moan. Looking down at me, he pulls the other string of my bottoms and pulls them out from under me. He kisses me on the lips, then continues down my neck. He stops at my breasts, biting my nipple through the triangle covering the peak.
Sonny keeps moving down my body, and when he’s between my legs, he spreads me wide. His tongue flattens and moves up in one long, slow sweep before curling and flicking my clit, driving me crazy. My hands go to his hair as he drives his tongue inside me, in and out in the most delicious way.
One of his hands goes to my breast, pulling it from the scrap of material attempting to cover it. He pinches and rolls and palms my breast while his other hand is playing with my pussy. With his shoulders holding my legs open, his thumbs spread me so his devilish tongue can taste and tease me more.
When his thumb moves down and enters me, he sucks on my sensitive flesh, making me buck into his face more. My hands in his hair pull as I shamelessly rub all over his face, scraping myself against his scruff and stubble. When my orgasm hits, it’s like a rocket shooting through me. He keeps sucking and licking, fulfilling his craving as my scream fills the room.
Sonny moves quickly, pulling his boxers down and shoving his cock inside me, and my loud moan mixes with his. It’s been months since he’s been inside me. He pistons in and out, drawing me close to the edge again.
His hand cups my face, and the thumb that was just playing with my pussy goes to my lips. Pushing into my mouth, I suck on his thumb, tasting myself. Dark eyes look down at me as his hand slides down to my neck. Fingers tighten around my throat the way I love as my lips part and eyes glaze.
I’m almost there, teetering on the edge, when he releases his hold on my neck, and as oxygen fills my lungs, my body explodes in the best possible pleasure. I take Sonny with me, his guttural moan filling the room, saturating the air with his pleasure mixed with mine.
Pulling out of me, he stares into my eyes, both of us panting and trying to catch our breath. My lips tip in a smile. Pulling his boxers up, he gets up from the bed and leaves the room. And me.
As a tear falls from my eye, I stand and go to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I pull off what’s left of my bikini and step into the hot spray. Reaching down, I wash between my legs, needing to get rid of what he left there. What usually feels good now feels wrong and dirty, our love soiled and tainted by the space he’s putting between us.
“What are you doing?” Sonny’s voice startles me. A stutter of a cry falls from my lips when I look up at him, feeling lost. “Did I hurt you?” Concern laces his voice as he steps in the shower with me, still wearing his boxers.
“What are you doing?” I return his question.
“Why are you crying?” he asks, his hands gently running over me.
“You left.” I sniff.
The pain that mars his face pierces me. “I was rough with you,” he starts, his voice sounding gruff as he looks down with a furrowed brow. “I went to make you some tea.” He looks up at me, water dripping from his hair as it hangs in his beautiful face.
Falling forward, I crash against his body. “I thought…” I trail off.
“You thought I used you and left you alone,” he finishes for me. I nod against his chest. “Fuck, Tink. I’m sorry.” Tilting my face up to look at him, he kisses my forehead. My eyes close, and I smile at the familiar feeling. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” He kisses me gently all over my face.
“Sonny, I need you to talk to me. Let me in,” I plead. “You can’t keep pushing me back and pulling me in like a yo-yo. I love you. I want to be what you need, but you have to let me in to help you.”
Pushing his wet boxers off, he begins to wash me. Several minutes pass before he speaks.
“I killed a man today.”
My eyes snap to his, looking for truth. “I don’t know what to say to that.” I let out a breath. “How many people have you…”
Palming my face, he runs his thumb across my cheek. “One. It was the first time I’ve ever taken a life.” He looks hurt when he says it. “I didn’t enjoy it. That was never me. I might throw a punch, but I’m not a murderer.” He lets out a short laugh. “I guess until today. I always knew eventually I’d have to. It’s part of this life I was born into. The one that I now lead as head of the family. But I want you to know that I don’t like it.”
I stare up at him, see the pleading in his eyes as he tells me his truth for the first time since he took over. “I know you can’t tell me everything. I understand that there have to be secrets. Thank you for telling me this though. Are you okay?”
He shakes his head. “No. I puked my guts out after.” He lets out another laugh. “Some mob boss I am.”
Reaching up, I run a hand through his hair. “You’re exactly the man you’re supposed to be. Don’t let this life change you too much.” I smile at him. “I kind of like you the way you are.”
Burying his face in my neck, he says, “What did I do right to deserve you?”
“Everything.”
The days that followed Sonny’s confession to me were better. He still kept his distance more than I liked, but it was a start. I knew he was only doing it to protect me because he thought it was best for me. One day he would realize I was tougher than I looked.