“Sonny!” Ruby yells, offended for him and shocked at me.
“You have somethin’ you wanna say,” he starts, standing from the couch, “or ask?” His chin jets out, just asking for me to punch him.
Gritting my jaw, I take him in. My best friend. One of the few people on this earth I trust. The only one I truly trust with Ruby—my wife.
And yet, in this moment, I feel none of that. Instead, I feel jealousy and rage that he gets to give her an honesty that I can’t. Not any more at least.
I know, I know, that he would never do anything to harm Ruby. That he would never sleep with her or try to be anything but a friend and the protector I asked him to be. But right now, it feels like it did after I was locked up and they went from barely knowing each other to BFFs with pet names and inside jokes. Where he knows more about her life than I do.
I might have made her my wife less than a week ago, but that doesn’t negate the distance that still stands between us. All of it my doing.
Yet, I stand here, angry at him, not myself.
“Were you one of the ones who tried to fuck her while I was locked up?” I ask like the heartless dick I’m pretending to be.
Desmond’s fists ball, and I can see him clench his teeth, trying to hold back from either cussing me out or knocking me out.
“What the hell, Sonny?” Ruby ask, seething next to me and seeming to sober up by the second.
“Was he?” I ask, looking at her this time. “Or has this platonic thing between you two all been a lie and you’ve really been fucking this whole time?” I push further, wanting to cut my own tongue out for asking such a thing.
“You’re a bastard!” she yells, smacking my cheek. She raises her hand to do it again, but I grab her wrist this time, stopping her.
“Answer me!” I yell into her face. Tears well up in her blue eyes, and the pain I see there makes me wince and let go of her. Turning away, I run my hands through my hair in frustration. When I turn back around to look at her, I see her running toward the stairs to get away from me. “Get back here!” I yell after her.
“No,” Dez says to me, and I turn to look at him like he just set my house on fire. “Let her go.” He looks to the stairs over my shoulder, and I see his eyes follow her until she’s out of ear’s reach. “I’m only goin’ to say this once. So, listen real good, motherfucker,” he says, looking at me like he might rip out my throat. “The only time I have ever touched her in any sexual way was with you there, on the other side, in that theater on The Strip on her birthday. I love that girl, but I respect her as your wife, even before you were married. But, Son, you need to check your shit because she doesn’t deserve half of the crap you throw at her. ‘Specially not this tonight.”
I let everything sink in that he said, and I know he’s telling me the truth. Then it hits me. “Why not tonight?” I ask, my voice sounding rough.
“Today was the anniversary of her attack. She asked me to stay with her until you got home,” he informs me, shaking his head in disappointment. I feel my face fall and know that I didn’t just fuck up. I fucked up in the worst way possible. “Every year on this day we drink and laugh and I try everything I can to keep her smilin’ and laughin’. And tonight…” He pauses and gets in my face. “You made her cry.” He steps back, shaking his head again, then turns to leave.
“Thanks,” I manage to say before he reaches the door, making him stop. “If I were a better man, I would have seen years ago that you were better for her than I am. Guess I always knew you were,” I snort a laugh, pouring what’s left in the bottle of bourbon in the glass Ruby had been drinking from. Taking a large gulp, I look up at Dez. “I just didn’t want to let you have her.”
“She’s not a toy, Sonny,” he says like I’m stupid.
“I know.” I down the rest of my drink and throw the glass, letting it shatter inside the unlit fireplace. “She’s the best damn thing to come into my life.” Walking to the stairs, I stop at the bottom. “Feel free to stay if you want. Family is always welcome.”
I’m halfway up when I hear the front door slam shut.
21
Ruby
I hear the bedroom door click shut and Sonny walk to the bed. I still can’t believe he would say those things. Accuse Dez and me of having an affair. It stung so bad. Each word he spewed felt like another slap across the face, the way he looked at me like he didn’t know me, like I was tainted and used.
It was every fear I carried with me. Every day since he saved me, I waited for him to open his eyes and realize what had happened and be disgusted. Guess today was that day.
“Go to hell, Sonny,” I mumble through my tears and sniff into my pillow, my back still turned to him.
“Already there, Tink. Don’t care for it much.”
I don’t reply. There’s nothing more to say to him.
I hear him walk across the room, seeing the toes of his shoes on the floor where he stands beside the bed. Then, he crouches down to be eye level with me. I try to turn my head away, but he grips my chin in his hands and forces me to face him.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’ve been saying that a lot lately,” I say, not offering forgiveness as freely this time.
“Yeah.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “I guess I have.”
I close my eyes and try not to let that touch of security and love break through my resolve, but it does. More tears fall from the corners of my eyes.
“You hurt me.”
“I know. I hate that I did.”
I open my eyes then to look at him. “Then why did you?”
“Because I’m a jealous fuck when it comes to you—even with my best friend, apparently.”
“You were wrong,” I state simply.
“I know. I knew before I even said anything.” He stares into me before adding, “And Dez told me the rest.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course, he did.”
“I should have known.” He sounds broken and sincere.
“It’s not like it’s normal to celebrate that kind of anniversary.”
“It is when you survive, Ruby. When you’re as strong and brave and amazing as you are...that is something to celebrate.”
“You made me feel used tonight,” I tell him.
His face falls more, pinched in pain. His hand goes to my hair, smoothing it down before cupping the side of my face. “There are not enough apologies in the world I can offer you that will be enough to fix that.” He leans his head against mine. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry I made you feel anything but loved and treasured and cherished, not just tonight but ever.”
Finding his lips with mine, I kiss him. “I love you, too.” Kiss. “Now, make love to me.”
Life is seemingly perfect.
At least as much as it can be when one is married to an Irish mob boss. A man who has so many sides that it makes me dizzy trying to keep up some days and turns me on with excitement on others.
But at the end of each day, he is in bed with me, shedding off all the bad and ugly that runs rampant around him. Gone are his jealous rage and dark secrets. In our bed, when he holds me in his arms and presses soft kisses to my neck as he tells me how much he loves me… that makes everything else wash away.