“Yes, but I have rarely felt like I am home either. I’m ready for that feeling.”
“I get that.”
We drive in silence for a few minutes.
“Do you want to get married and have kids and stuff?”
Felix laughs. “It is all I have ever wanted. The minute marriage equality was passed, I started to dream of a big, beautiful wedding. My fantasies shift from an elegant, sexy urban lifestyle in a high-rise overlooking the ocean to a sweet, domestic life in the suburbs. My future husband will be the tie-breaker.”
I laugh. “You’ve got it all figured out.”
“Except for the future husband part. I’m still working on that.”
“You’ll find him. Of course, he’ll have to get past Lucien first.”
“Oh my god, this is so true. He is overbearing, but I adore him so much, I tolerate it.”
“He means well.”
“Of course.” He smiles, twisting forward in his seat. “What about you? Last night you said you were sure your person is a man. Would you want to get married and all of those things with a man?”
“I want to do all those things. I don’t care who it’s with gender wise, but like I said, I just have a feeling it’s a man.” Just not this man, I remind myself. “But if you’re asking if I worry about marrying a man, I don’t. I want to fall in love. I’m ready.” I nod, stopping at a red light. “I just need to be careful and think things through. My heart often overrides my brain.”
“Better your heart than your dick.”
I laugh. “Fuck, man. Ain’t that the truth.”
He grins, winking at me.
Before long, we’re at Salito’s, this awesome mom and pop shop that I eat at way too often, but it’s so good, I can’t get enough. Cheap too.
“Want to sit outside?”
Felix nods. “Yes, it’s nice tonight.”
“Agreed.”
We’re led to a small table on the patio, facing the street, so there are plenty of people watching opportunities. This is a trendy area of Miami, and it shows. Pretty people walk by on their way to dinner, nightclubs, bars. Unfortunately for me, none of them are as pretty as my dinner guest.
“I called Lucien today,” Felix says after we order a pitcher of margaritas. “He is delighted for me to have a job so soon thanks to you.”
“I didn’t do anything but introduce you. You got the job yourself.”
He nods, sipping his drink. “But thank you again.”
“My pleasure. Now I’ll get to see you all the time. The guys are always coming over to bring us stuff or just talk.”
“It’s very nice to have such close relationships with coworkers. I’ve never had that.”
“I haven’t either. Honestly, they feel like an extension of my family. It’s cool.”
Felix smiles, his eyes lingering on my face as if he’s memorizing the details.
“What?” I ask.
“Oh, I’m staring. I am sorry. I was just noticing you don’t look your age. It seems as though you have not aged since I left.”
“I didn’t. I’m actually immortal. I don’t age.”
Felix giggles. “I do not know if that would be a nice thing or a bad thing. To be immortal. What do you think?”
“Pros and cons. One of the cons, you’d have to watch everyone else around you age and die. You’d be stuck here with no end in sight.”
“Yes, that is a con.”
“But a pro, you could do anything without fear. Jump from a plane, swim with sharks, ask out that hot person you’re crushing on. Anything.”
“You could do that anyway. Lots of people do.”
“But there is risk. If you were immortal, no risk.”
“But what is life without some risk? How boring to live safely in a box. Risk makes you feel…alive, no?”
“I don’t know, Felix. I live in a safe box.”
“Maybe you should do something risky. Ask out the hot person. They won’t bite you like a shark.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I should take some risks.” Like asking out my best friend’s baby brother?
“What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done?” Felix asks.
I think it over for a few minutes, then it comes to me. “I had just realized that I might be attracted to guys. We were at the club, partying. Lucien was there too. There was a go-go dancer in a cage, and he was fucking hot. I just kept staring at him, but then Lucien pushed me to go talk to him, so I did. He knelt down and put his finger under my chin and told me I was gorgeous. Nothing happened except this feeling inside of me.”
“Feeling?”
“Until that moment, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure. It was a question mark in my head because it had been an isolated situation that had me thinking that way.”
“But?”
“That dancer, that touch, his eyes as he told me I was gorgeous, it was like…” I pause, letting my brain find the words. “It was like knowing myself for the first time. Every part of me tingled with this new awareness. It was amazing.”
Felix smiles. “That is beautiful. I am happy for you. Sexuality can be confusing at times, but when it becomes clear, it is joyous, no?”
“Yes. Joy. I was a little nervous. I was way out of my comfort zone. I knew how to walk up to women and ask them out, you know? This is a whole new world.”
“I do not think it is as hard as you think. If you see a boy you think is cute, you walk up, you say, 'hello, my name is Apollo.' He will look at you and smile and tell you his name. You can buy him a drink and tell him you think he’s pretty. He will tell you that he thinks you are sexy, and then you will exchange phone numbers. You will call him a few days later and ask him to dinner. He will say yes, and then you begin. Is that different from your previous experiences with women?”
“No.” I search his eyes as he follows a water droplet on his glass with his finger. “Is that what men say to you? That you're pretty?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes they say I am adorable, but as you learned last night, I do not like that one.”
“Why?”
“It is too diminutive. A child is adorable. A little Pomeranian with a bow is adorable. Even tiny little tacos can be adorable. I am a man. I am not adorable.”
“But pretty is okay?”
He grins. “Yes, because I am. I reject that adjectives are gender specific. Men can be pretty, and women can be handsome. Men can be graceful and elegant, and women can be suave and distinguished. I go out of my way to be pretty because it makes me happy.”
“I like you, Felix. You know exactly where you stand on everything, don’t you?”
“Everything.”
After we order, I refill our margaritas, searching his face.
“What adjective would you use for me?”
Felix smiles. “Are you easily embarrassed?”
“Almost never.”
“Fine. I will be honest. Your name suits you, Apollo. It is a strong name, a name for a god, and you have a strong face. Your features blend nicely. If I described you to a friend, I would say he is sexy, handsome, hot.”
“That is kind, Felix. When I was younger, I wished I looked more like the mythological god. He had blond hair and blue eyes and eternal youth.”