“And now?”
“There’s something to be said for a little imperfection. You met Jude?”
Felix nods.
“Five years ago, I would’ve been so jealous of a guy who looks like him. He’s perfect. Everything is in balance on his face, he’s hot, and has a great body. He’s also an awesome person.”
“He is very attractive, yes.”
“Fortunately, I’m not that guy from five years ago. That shit with Rachel fucked with my confidence a little. I know I’m not classically handsome. My nose is big, but it’s my dad’s nose, so I like it. My eyes are black as night, but they’re just like my grandma’s, so I like them. I’m a little skinny, and nothing I do bulks me up, but that’s everyone in my family, so I accept it.” I grin. “I got a nice ass though.”
Felix laughs. “You do. I have looked.”
I have a nice dick too, but I should probably keep that part to myself.
“Jude’s looks are very nice,” Felix says. “He has that appeal that can make your knees weak. I understand that, but…” He shakes his head, casting his eyes away. “My tacos are getting cold.”
“You don’t have to hold back with me.”
“I know. I do not want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I doubt you can, Felix.”
He nods, forcing his eyes up to me. “To me, you are far more appealing than Jude.”
“Because you know me, maybe.”
“No. I don’t know how to say it in a good way.”
“Then say it in a bad way. We’ll figure it out. I know you would never say anything unkind to me.”
“I would not.” His cheeks flush pink as he takes a gulp of his drink. He fixes his eyes on me, looking nervous, but then he smiles. “I like your imperfections. They are beautiful to me.”
Wow. My eyes flutter from the compliment as a kaleidoscope of butterflies take flight deep within me. My heartbeat quickens as warmth settles over me.
“God, Felix, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“It is true. I have always appreciated the less than perfect in everything but pastry.” He chuckles. “I demand perfection there.”
“Of course.”
“But in humans, in animals, in nature, I embrace those things. Maybe because I am also imperfectly made.”
“No, I disagree.”
“Because you know me, no?” He smiles, picking at his taco meat. “I wanted to be thin, desperately, when I got to Paris. Everyone was thin, even the bakers. I felt so fat and clumsy and out of place.”
“Aw, Felix.”
“I tried to diet for the first time in my life. I never cared before. I was comfortable in my skin, but I was rejected for my size there. I even tried to take up running, like crazy Lucien, but it made me sad.”
I chuckle. “Running makes me sad too.”
“It is hell, no?”
“Definitely.”
“I lost some weight, but I was hungry and miserable. To keep the pounds off, I could barely eat. I looked in the mirror and did not see myself. Yet I was constantly praised at work and in my social circles. Suddenly, I was valued. My thinness made me accepted, desired.” He gazes ahead, watching people walk by for a moment before returning his eyes to me. “Eventually, I had enough. I woke up one morning and I said fuck it and fuck them. If I am only valuable if I am thin, they can go fuck themselves, no?”
“Right.”
“I walked down to the cafe and ordered two croissants and a huge coffee with milk and sugar. I was so happy in that moment. I took back my power. I embraced my imperfections. I am not thin, but I am healthy. I like my body. It does so much for me. I take my vitamins and I eat healthy most of the time, but I do not want an existence that requires me to sacrifice for the pleasure of other people. What kind of life is that?”
“A shitty one. I don’t see a single imperfection when I look at you. I see a man living life on his terms, and that’s hot as fuck. Besides, you’re gorgeous, and I don’t believe anyone who says you're not.”
He flips his hair off his shoulder. “Yes, my parents were generous with their genetics, no?”
I laugh. “Yeah. All three of you kids hit the jackpot.”
“Yes. Claudia stays thin because her job is demanding, and she does not have much time to eat. It is only fuel to her. Lucien keeps the pounds at bay with running so he can enjoy his food. Me? I do what the fuck I want.”
I laugh as he takes a huge bite of taco.
“You’re awesome, Felix.”
“So are you.”
After dinner, we order another pitcher of margaritas and talk for hours, discovering the little things about each other—movie preferences, favorite foods, sleeping habits. We close the restaurant down, then take a walk outside, mingling with club-goers and people going in and out of bars.
At one point Felix’s hand brushes against mine, and the jolt it gives me is like nothing I’ve ever felt. I gaze down at him, but he’s ignoring me, instead pressing against the glass of a storefront. I pull my eyes away from his face to see what’s got him so excited. It’s a lingerie store.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” he whispers. “All of it. So enticing.”
“Lingerie?”
He nods, still peeking inside the closed shop. “I see things I want.”
“You wear lingerie?”
He gazes up at me, nodding. “Oh yes. It is a shame that the best things are made for women. I do have a bit of trouble fitting all the bits in, no?” He laughs. “But there is nothing like the feeling of lace and silk on your skin.”
Oh fuck. I can imagine him in the teal outfit displayed in the window. It’s a corset looking thing with garter belts and sheer panties. His pale, lightly freckled skin would look amazing set against that color.
And my dick is hard.
“Do you, um, have a lot of lingerie?”
“It is all I wear. In France, there was a shop with the most exquisite pieces you have ever seen. They had a men’s section, which delighted me. I bought one of everything. It cost me thousands, but I do not care. There is no price on such happiness.”
“What do you mean, a men’s section?”
“The same pieces for women, adjusted slightly for men. Wider straps for broader shoulders, more room in the front for the dick.”
“I see.” My throat feels like I swallowed glass. The idea of Felix wearing stuff like that is too much. I need to adjust myself, but he can see my reflection in the glass.
“I will come back when they are open. It is my one indulgence.”
“Are you wearing some now?” Why the fuck did I ask that?
He shifts his gaze to me. “Yes. They are pink and lacy with a silk ribbon to hold them together on the side. The denim of my jeans creates a very nice friction. It is like my little secret, no?”
“Now it’s not a secret.”
“Now it is our secret. You can know all of mine, Apollo. Can I know yours?”
“I don’t have any.” Except the one forming right now. I want to kiss my best friend’s little brother. Bad. Fuck me, I’m in trouble.
Felix’s eyes seem to twinkle as he gazes up at me. “Maybe we can find some together.”