The place where I had found magic … in Lance.
And now, with my back to Oliver, I was staring at Amsterdam, and there was a tear rolling down my cheek.
Oh God.
Forty-Seven
Molly: It’s been a few days … are you alive?
Me: So slammed at work but still breathing. Thanks for checking on me.
Molly: Can we go back to being besties, or are you still avoiding me?
Me: LOL. I can’t even with you.
Molly: I miss you.
Me: So much it hurts.
Molly: Girls’ night when you get home? I’ll send the boys to something sport-ish, and May will go to Marshall’s parents’ house.
Me: Sounds like a date.
“Chloe,” Marshall said as he was getting off his elevator into the lobby of his building. “Welcome home.”
“Thank you.” I smiled, and we kissed each other on the cheek. “Lance is super excited about the game.” I nodded toward the front entrance where my husband was waiting for Marshall outside in the backseat of his SUV.
“Same.” He laughed, pointing toward the ceiling. “She has enough food in the condo to feed the whole building.”
“That’s our Molly.” I continued to smile while I walked into the elevator and he stepped out.
“It was really good to see you, Chloe. The four of us are overdue for our Mistral date.”
“Yes, we are, and I can’t wait. Have a good time tonight,” I said, and the door began to slide shut, my hand going in the air to wave good-bye.
I’d been home for three days, and the thought of this visit had been eating at my stomach from the second I landed in Boston.
Yet I desperately wanted to see my best friend.
I just didn’t want her to see me.
Because even though I could hide what I was doing from the rest of the world, including my husband, Molly was the only person who would see straight through my lies.
And that was something I just wasn’t ready to face.
But now, the elevator was opening, and I was moving down the hall, gently knocking on their door. I sucked in my breath, and as it opened, a face I knew so well came into view.
“Hi,” I said, the sound of my voice surprising me.
She said nothing; she just stared back.
And then I felt it—the moment she saw the truth and when it all settled inside her.
“Molly …”
She smiled wide, not showing any teeth, and she opened her arms and pulled me against her.
At first, it was just a hug where she was squeezing the hell out of me. But then it became so much more when I realized just how badly I needed my best friend’s arms around me.
“Don’t let go.”
“I won’t, babe.” She strengthened her grip. “I’ll stand here all night if you need me to.”
The tears were there before I even took a breath, the weakness moving through my body, turning all of me numb.
“Now, I know why you’ve been avoiding me.” She clenched my shoulders. “I mean, let’s face it; I knew before. But now, I really know.”
I clung to her even tighter, remembering the last time I had been here when I held her almost the same way. “Let’s go inside before your neighbors know how much of a mess I am.”
She slid her arm around my waist and led me into her condo while I wiped my face with both hands, still not getting all the wetness.
“Here.” She handed me a tissue when we got into the kitchen. “And take this too,” she added, sticking a tumbler between my fingers that I assumed was vodka on the rocks. “Now, let’s get cozy.” Her hand was back in mine, bringing me to the large sectional in the living room, and then she spread a big, fluffy blanket over us.
I held the drink in my lap, trying to find a place to start, words that could accurately describe this new place I was in.
But when I looked up at Molly, I had nothing. And not a single syllable came from my mouth.
“I’m your person,” she said softly, the pain visible on her face. “And you completely shut me out.”
Oh God.
I’d already fucked up so much.
It killed me that this situation had now affected her and our friendship.
“I didn’t want to have this conversation, Molly.” I swallowed, the vodka burning in a way that I had to wait several seconds before I could speak again. When I looked at her, a pain began to gnaw through the center of my chest. “I didn’t want to admit the truth to you.”
She reached across the couch cushion, her fingers now rubbing my shoulder. “Of all people, I should be the one you can admit anything to. Always. But, Chloe, you can’t keep going on like this.”
“No.” I felt my chest heave, as I’d been thinking the same thing for days. “I can’t.”
“Do you love him?”
Silence passed between us as she waited for an answer.
And it hurt like hell, but I had to tell her the truth.
“Yes.” A sob blasted out of me. “I love him.”
“What does that look like? Long-term, I mean. You live here, and he lives there. He comes here and gets a green card? Or you get a work visa, move your whole world to Europe, and live happily ever after?”
I took a breath. “I don’t know.”
“You have to know, Chloe. You have to have a plan because, no matter how you work this out, someone is going to get hurt.”
The spit began to thicken in my mouth. “I have options.”
“Like what?”
I knew she wasn’t going to want to hear this, but she needed to because it was a strong reality.
“I can extend my contract, and it’s something I’ve really been considering.”
“What?” Her voice was rising fast. “Have you literally lost your fucking mind?”
I squeezed the cold glass in one hand and the blanket in the other as I cried, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Chloe …” Her fingers were clamping down on my shoulder, her tone getting even stronger. “I want you to say you’re going to stop playing house with Lance while you’re in Boston and you’re going to stop playing house with Oliver while you’re in Amsterdam and that you’re going to make a goddamn decision.”
“Molly …”
“You have a life here.” Her back straightened, her stare narrowing. “You have a husband who would give up his business, houses, and probably every dollar to his name just to be with you. And you have the most beautiful life that the two of you have created together—a life every person I know would die to have.” She paused, and it felt like my throat was going to close. “Are you going to give all of that up for Oliver? The man you dated for just a semester when you were twenty-one years old? Who you only spend two weeks a month with?” Her fingers lightened, and I wished they were gripping me again. “What’s it going to look like when the honeymoon wears off and things get tough between you and Oliver? You already know how incredible your life can be with Lance, but can you say that about Oliver?”
The silence came again.
It was so thick that it took my breath away.
“Fuck,” I cried, my hand going over my face.