We’d talked for hours last night after we’d come to bed, after my admission that I would go and see the therapist. After my confession of falling in love with her, too. It had all felt somehow easier in the darkness of her room with just the two of us.
But I know no matter how badly I want this to be over, that us talking like that isn’t a therapy session. This is my relationship and it’s important to me. Ruby is important to me and Reid is right, I don’t want to fuck it up.
So, in addition to our pact about no late nights and me then sleeping all day, I’d also promised I would start being honest with her about how I’m feeling. No more bullshit, no matter how bad things are. She doesn’t want me to try and protect her from this or from me, and in return, she’ll do anything I ask, anything I need.
I’m still not entirely convinced I want to do the therapist part, but I know Reid’s also right when he said it isn’t fair of me to lay all my burdens on Ruby. Plus, after the talk he and I had yesterday, I also know he’ll kick my ass if I fuck this up.
And as much as I know it’s going to be hard to talk, hard to confess and admit to everything that has happened to me, everything I’ve done, it will be worth it if it means I can see Ruby look at me the way she’s doing right now.
“Did you sleep okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, did you?”
She smiles as she leans down to kiss me. “Yes.”
I groan, my hand slipping to her ass as I press her against my already hardening dick. Ruby chuckles, pulling back a little so her lips are barely brushing against mine.
“I’m pretty sure we’re gonna get—”
Right on cue, there’s a banging on the bedroom door, followed by Sie’s loud voice. “Come on! Get up you two! It’s Christmas!”
Ruby laughs as I groan, rolling my eyes at my sister’s epically bad timing. “Come on,” she whispers, sliding off me. “You know this is a big deal for her, having you here this year.”
I exhale dramatically as we both get out of bed, pulling on sweatpants and long-sleeved t-shirts. I notice Ruby is wearing one of mine and it makes me smile as I reach for her, pulling her in for another kiss.
When we both walk out to the kitchen, Reid is making coffee while my sister is sitting in front of the tree, randomly picking up presents and shaking them. I blink once, shaking my head as I turn to Reid.
“You realize the monster you unleashed when you suggested we do all this, don’t you?” I tease, knowing this is probably the first real Christmas the three of us have ever had and it was always going to make Sienna excited.
Reid grins, crossing his arms over his chest as he turns to look at Sienna. “Totally worth it,” he says, turning back to me. “Not to mention all the blowjobs it’ll now get me.” He raises his brows because he knows exactly what he’s doing when he says shit like that to me.
I shake my head, walking over to the coffee machine as I punch him in the arm. “Just one day, please?” I mock beg.
Reid chuckles, as he turns and puts an arm around my shoulder in that half-hug thing he does. “No fucking chance,” he says. “You good?”
I nod, actually meaning it for once. “I am, yeah,” I say, looking across at him. “Thank you.” I pause, tilting my head toward the living room, where Ruby has now joined Sie. “You know, for…”
Reid squeezes my shoulder once before letting go but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he turns and leans back against the kitchen counter, his hands wrapped around his coffee as he watches Sienna and Ruby.
I mirror his pose, the two of us standing side by side, everything about this moment feeling surreal, but calming at the same time.
“My appointment’s tomorrow,” I eventually say, my gaze still on Ruby.
I see Reid nod once from the corner of my eye, but he still doesn’t say anything.
“She wants to come with me.”
“Is that a bad thing?” he asks, his voice low.
I shrug, even though he isn’t looking at me. “No, yeah, I don’t know,” I admit. “I think maybe the first time it’s gonna be awkward as fuck, so I should probably go alone.”
“You want me to come with you?”
I take a deep breath in, letting it out slowly as both of us continue to watch our girls who are either oblivious to the serious conversation taking place in the kitchen right now or somehow know to leave us alone.
“I don’t know,” I eventually say. Of all the people in this house, he’s probably the one person I would want there. But even then, there’s still shit he doesn’t know about. Stuff he doesn’t need to be burdened with.
Reid straightens, turning to face me. “I’m there if you need me, okay. You can decide now, tomorrow, or five seconds before you walk in. Whatever you need.”
I feel the corner of my mouth tug into a smile, which only grows with the confused look Reid gives me. I can tell he wants to ask me what I’m thinking right now and maybe if we were different, I’d admit to him that he is the best person I know. That he is an incredibly kind and generous and just fucking awesome human being and so much more than the guy he shows the rest of the world.
But I don’t, instead, smiling as I say, “Thanks, dude, seriously,” before we grab the other coffees and head into the living room to join the girls.
We spend the day doing absolutely fuck all and it’s fantastic. None of us bother getting changed from the clothes we pulled on when we rolled out of bed and instead, we lounge around on the couches, watching movies, laughing, talking, eating and drinking.
Ruby gives me a free pass on the no alcohol thing today and strangely enough, I don’t feel the need to mask my pain with it. Instead, the four of us hang out together, the whole day spent having fun and giving each other shit and it’s honestly the best Christmas I can ever remember having.
At some point, Ruby disappears into her room to call her family. I decline her offer to join in on the FaceTime, still not ready to face them yet. That lingering feeling of frustration and anger that I am the reason she’s not with them today is still there.
“She’s okay,” Sie whispers, as though reading my mind.
I look over at where she’s sitting at the other end of the couch while Reid is in the kitchen grabbing some more drinks. “Is she?” I ask.
Sienna nods. “Yes, she is, really.” She glances at the hall, as if to check Ruby isn’t standing there before turning back to me. “She cares about you, Caleb, a lot.”
I smile, knowing it’s more than that. For both of us. “I know.”
“And you care about her.” It’s said as a statement, not a question, because of course she knows.
I meet my sister’s gaze, the same blue eyes I see when I look in the mirror now staring back at me. “I love her,” I whisper.
Sienna smiles, rolling her eyes at me as if to say, please, like I didn’t know that already. “Guess this really does make us even, huh?”
I chuckle, just as Reid walks back into the room, flopping onto the couch in between us. “What’s so funny?”
Sie and I look at each other again, both of us smiling as Reid turns from Sie to me, before looking back at Sie again. “No, seriously, stop with the weird twin shit and tell me what’s so funny?”