I burst out laughing, my sister smiling as she slides along the couch and wraps her arms around Reid. “It’s nothing, babe,” she says, pressing a kiss to his neck.
Reid huffs. “Bullshit, it’s nothing,” he says, pretending to be annoyed. “Honestly you’d think after all these years, I’d be able figure out this whole telepathy shit or whatever it is you two have going on.”
I laugh, just as Ruby walks back into the living room. Smiling, I grab her hand as I pull her into my lap. “Well, you know,” I can’t resist saying. “Twins are genetic, so maybe…” I trail off, widening my eyes as I look at Reid and then Sie, before turning back to Reid again.
He stares at me, open mouthed as though he legit can’t believe I just said that. Sienna giggles a little as she leans her head on Reid’s shoulder. But just as quickly as it appeared, his surprised look is replaced by a truly wicked smile as he pulls my sister closer, his hands groping her all over as though to emphasize his point as he says, “Just as long as you know I plan on practicing knocking your sister up. Every. Single. Night.”
I burst out laughing now as Sienna blushes and slaps a hand across Reid’s mouth.
“You’re a fucker,” I tell him as we all laugh.
Today is a good day.
Chapter Nine
Ruby
I hate that I’m lying in bed waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering if today will be one good day in a long line of bad days to come. I want to believe Caleb when he says he’s going to see the therapist, but I know in the stark light of the morning, his feelings often change. And that’s okay, because as much as I want him to get better, I know things have to be on his own terms. Neither me or Reid or Sienna can force him into doing this, even if that’s exactly what we want to do.
I roll over, watching him sleep soundlessly next to me. His face is a wash of peacefulness, but things will start to return to normal soon. He has to go back to work, disrupting this quiet little space we’ve been living in. It’s easy to look at him and think he’s doing well, especially after we just celebrated Christmas and the house is decorated.
Without the outside world pressing on him, things are good.
We’ve started a routine, something I hope we can continue so he finds the structure to be a calming force. He’s started taking melatonin an hour before bed. We both leave our phones plugged in on the other side of the room now to keep us from using it as a distraction. It’s not just Caleb who needs to make changes. I need to be present too, and when he loses himself in his phone, I usually follow suit. But we’re done with that. Engagement and actual interaction are things that have slowly started to fade away since everything happened with the professor and Caleb’s arrest. We need to build back the idea that being together will be enough, even if it is hard to interact at times.
I curl into Caleb’s body, warm and comforting and I close my eyes, finding the solace I usually find in his smell and his closeness. I will myself to fall asleep, to not wake him with my own concerns and worries.
I wake the next morning with the bed empty and it’s one of those things that still causes panic to well up inside me. It seizes my chest and makes it hard to breath for a split second, but I can talk myself out of thinking it’s something more when I realize this is how Caleb feels on a daily basis. Just leaving the house now is hard for him, concerns of triggers lurking anywhere. Caleb leaving our bed shouldn’t be a trigger for me. I need to trust he’s capable of navigating his life now that he’s aware and conscious of what happened in our alley and that it won’t occur again. It’s hard to see beyond his PTSD. It’s hard to see beyond everything being a trigger.
I throw on leggings and a t-shirt and wander out into the quiet house. The kitchen is empty and Sie’s door is still closed. This will be the first time I’ve been here during the Christmas holiday. Everything pretty much shuts down, which is good in a way. It’s allowing all of us time to regroup and heal. We aren’t being bombarded with questions from students on campus about what happened. We aren’t the gossip that we would be if everything were running as normal.
We can only hope by the time the spring semester begins again what happened in our alleyway will be old news. Caleb may not go to school here, but he works at one of the most popular bars on campus and who he is will not be lost on anyone who goes in there.
The coffee pot is full, minus about one cup and I fill my own and then walk through the house to the front door. I can see Caleb sitting on the porch through the large front window, the stillness of the morning having a calming effect on him.
“Hey,” I say as I open the door and sit down on his lap. “You’re up early. You sleep okay?” My first thought is if I woke him up in the night with all my tossing and turning.
“I’m good,” he replies, kissing my shoulder. “How did you sleep?”
He smirks at me and I return it, realizing I can’t constantly be wondering if he’s going to have a bad day. There will be moments when his day sucks, hell there are even moments when my own days suck, but we need to keep perspective, knowing what we have together will always be good.
I start to tell him I slept fine, but I don’t want to lie to him, feeling like I want him to be honest with me, I need to do the same.
“I didn’t sleep great. I was…”
“Worried about me?” he questions, finishing my thought.
“Yeah,” I admit, leaning into him, my head resting on his shoulder.
“Trust me when I say I’d rather worry about you worrying about me, Ruby. Don’t keep it to yourself.”
We need to talk about things, get it out in the open, discuss our fears and worries, our dreams and wants. This isn’t just about the negative things that hold us down; it’s about our future and where we see ourselves during all of this and after.
“So why couldn’t you sleep?” Caleb asks, pushing me to talk now. “What were you worrying about?” His questions are asked with deep concern and I feel them in my heart.
“I was worrying about you having a good day yesterday. Everything felt so good and I know you’re still going to have bad days.” I don’t know what else to say because I don’t want to bog us down with negativity. “Why do you think yesterday was such a good day?” I now ask, changing the subject suddenly. Trying to divert things away from my fears.
“What can I do to ease some of your worries?” he asks me instead, dodging my question in return.
“Nothing. My worries will go away as we work through all of this.” I look at him, resting my hand on his cheek and he leans into it. As much as I don’t want to ask him again, I know he’s avoiding my question. I take in a deep breath and force myself to ask again. “What made yesterday a good day? Let’s focus on that and see if we can pull from it and add it to a list of things we can do that make you feel good.”
He chuckles a little, a puff of air blowing into my hair. “How are you like this? How are you so selfless?”
“I’m not. This affects me too. I want you to be happy and making you happy, makes me happy.” I kiss him, a smile on my lips and he returns the kiss and the smile. “So what was good?”