“What was good?” he repeats, taking in a deep breath, his shoulders rising with it and he lets it out with gust. “Honestly, Ruby, everything.”
“I love that answer, but if we’re going to replicate these things, you gotta be more specific,” I tease, tossing a soft elbow into his side.
“I was hoping that would bide me some time,” he jokes back, even though he knew I wasn’t going to let it die there. “Being with you, Sie and Reid. I like the idea of having dinner together at least once a week. Getting to cook. It distracts me and while it’s happening, it consumes my thoughts. I can’t cook and think about the other bullshit that clogs my head.”
“That’s a good start,” I tell him. “We can work on that for sure.”
“Even though it didn’t happen yesterday, I love running with you. That’s another thing that diverts my focus.”
I don’t say anything, taking a mental note of the few things he shared, trying to see if I have any suggestions. I pull out my phone and create a note, jotting down what he said. I now turn the phone to face him, giving him a wink as he reads it over.
“Can you add sex with Ruby to that list?” he asks, a sly grin on his face as he slips his hand under my t-shirt and grabs my boob.
“That’s a given,” I say, letting my hand glide over the bulge in his shorts. He starts to suck at my neck, distracting me from helping him. “Hey, hey.” I shift away, sliding so I’m now sitting next to him. “Have you given any thought to doing some cooking at the bar? Maybe create some new menu items? You added the brisket tacos and they are literally the best thing on the menu. You haven’t added anything new since.”
“Yeah, I’ve thought about it. It’s a lot of planning and prep. It’s not just creating a recipe. I have to make sure it’s cost effective and the product can be used for other things too.”
“Well, then do it,” I assert, not giving him the easy out. “You have time. You’re off till after New Year’s and I’d love to help you. I can be your sexy sous chef.” I bat my eyelashes, flirting mercilessly and all it does is make Caleb laugh out loud.
I love his laugh. It’s perfect and natural and there’s something about it that makes my heart flutter, drumming out a quick rhythm. It makes him sound so carefree and it comes out of him so effortlessly at times. His blue eyes are shining, his hair still messy from sleep and I love everything about it.
“I’d love to have you as my sexy sous chef, but something tells me you’ll end up being more like my sexy taste tester,” Caleb teases, pinching my side and smirking at me.
“You’re probably right,” I agree with a shrug of my shoulders. “Maybe we can rope Sie and Reid into helping out too? That might be fun.”
“Yeah, I’m sure they’d like that too.”
He’s agreeable to a lot today and it’s a nice feeling. I bask in it, enjoying the calm, but in the background lies the therapist visit. His appointment is today, yet he’s acting like it isn’t. I don’t know if he’s waiting for me to ask about it or if he just plans to go as if it’s no big deal.
A silence falls over us, our voices still, but the sounds of birds and the occasional passing car dot the quiet.
Should I just ask him?
Am I being too nosy?
I chew at my lip, biting a few loose pieces of skin and trying to decide if I should just come right out and say it.
“So,” I start, cutting into the quiet awkwardly and then I stupidly laugh. I couldn’t be more obvious in the fact that I’m trying to ask him something uncomfortable.
“You’re pretty easy to read, babe,” Caleb now says, his eyebrows going up as he clicks his tongue. “What is it you want to ask me?”
“Are you going to see the therapist today?” I ask, my words quieter than I planned, almost so soft that I hope he misses them.
I hate to interrupt this low stress vibe we’ve had going on since we started talking about the things that made his day great yesterday. But in the end, doing things that make him happy isn’t going to suddenly fix everything. It’s wonderful for him to have positive things to look forward to, but delving into the real root of the problem is where we need to be. All of this is just a sidebar to what needs to happen.
“I’m happy to go with you,” I quickly add, filling the awkward silence. “Maybe Sie or Reid too? We could all go. Or would that be too much?” I’m rambling idiotically and someone needs to slap a piece of tape over my mouth before I say something completely stupid. “Or maybe I should just be quiet.”
Caleb nods and it catches me off guard. It’s slow and he doesn’t make eye contact with me.
What the hell does that nod mean?
Yes, I should shut the hell up?
Yes, he wants me to come with him?
Yes, he’s going to the therapist?
Well, fuck, a nod means nothing when I asked so many goddamned questions.
Chapter Ten
Caleb
Ruby sits silently beside me, the calmness that surrounded us when she first walked out now gone and replaced with an awkwardness. I know my response is shitty and I really should give her more, but this is all just so fucking hard still.
Yes, yesterday was a good day, a fucking great day actually. And I’d do anything to make every day be like that, but I also know that is impossible. And sooner or later I’m going to have to face this shitstorm I’ve created for myself.
Ruby takes a deep breath, as though fortifying herself before she starts talking again. I don’t give her a chance though, putting my coffee mug down as I drag her back into my lap and wrap my arms around her. I lean down and press my lips to her neck, inhaling deeply and letting her scent wash over and through me, calming me like it always does.
“Yes,” I eventually say, lifting my head as my eyes meet hers.
Ruby looks back at me, a confused look on her face as she tries to understand what I’m saying yes to. I’m not trying to be a dick about it and I really do want to do this with her, it’s just fucking hard, no matter how much I know I can trust her with all of this.
“Yes, I’m going to the therapist,” I clarify, watching as she relaxes a little. “And yeah, I would like it if you came with me, but I am gonna go in alone.”
Ruby nods, opening her mouth to speak, but I drag my thumb across her bottom lip, stopping her.
“Maybe that will change one day,” I continue, even if I have no idea if it will. “And maybe some days I’ll want Reid there, or maybe Sie, I don’t know.” I pause, taking a breath as I try to remain calm, even as those same prickles of anxiety I get every time I think about speaking to a stranger about my life, start up. “But I am going to go.”
“Okay,” she whispers, her hand on my cheek as she gives a small nod.
I smile, leaning in to press a kiss to the end of her nose. “But no, I don’t ever want you to be quiet, okay?”
Ruby swallows as she watches me, her face awash with worry and concern. “I’m just…I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what to say, what the right thing to say is or how to even say what I’m thinking.”