It’s the first time I’ve set foot on campus since everything happened with Professor Keller and Caleb. It feels weird, but it also feels normal. It’s where I’ve spent the last three years and so many days I couldn’t even begin to count.
Classes haven’t even started yet, but I’m here to pick up a few books and get myself organized. Mila is set to arrive soon along with my parents to get her moved in and settled, so I feel like that will take up more of my time than any of us want to admit to. Despite Mila telling me she has no interest in my help, I’m sure that will change.
I pull my schedule up on my phone as I wander through the already crowded aisles of the bookstore. I’m obviously not the only one who decided the week before classes would be a good time to shore up any last minute things. The entire store is dotted with students all with their phones glowing in front of their faces.
I grab a few books, stacking them in my arms as I work my way over to the next section, balancing my phone on the top of the precariously placed tower. I can’t seem to find what I’m looking for and have to set the stack down, which is when I hear the hushed whispers of voices coming from an aisle over.
I stop what I’m doing, just listening to see if I can hear any of what they’re saying. Since everything went down with Professor Keller, I’ve had this nagging feeling people have been talking about me, and rightfully so given the situation. Gossip spreads fast on college campuses and this one is no different.
It was easy to get by these last few weeks because I could avoid seeing people with classes not in session and the campus all but deserted due to winter break. But now I’m finding as everyone trickles back in, the quiet words of people are making their way back to me.
There are rumors that the college newspaper is building a story on the events of what happened with Caleb and Professor Keller, but no one has come to interview him. It feels like it will go the route of everything that has happened since.
The story will be loaded with glowing sentiments about Professor Keller, never taking into account that what he was rumored to be doing was true. Caleb has been portrayed by the local media, and even the police, as a loose cannon with anger issues and a past that automatically makes him a criminal. Even though the police and the district attorney have dropped all charges, the story is still out there. It’s circulating and changing, like a giant game of telephone.
And no one cares to hear Caleb’s side of what happened.
Although I’m not sure he’d be willing to share. This whole thing has been more stress on top of an already stressful situation. He’s been coping with his PTSD, a move across the country, and finding his place in a strange, new environment. He’s been looking to put everything behind him for so long.
I’m still squatting on the floor when the whispers turn a little louder, each person’s voice ringing out among the shuffling of feet and stacking of books.
“I heard she was having an affair with Professor Keller and her boyfriend found out,” a voice says with a disgusted tone. “I’m sure she was doing poorly in his class and thought sleeping with him would help.”
I’m nauseous, a sick feeling rising in my throat along with the sting of tears burning my nose. Obviously I don’t know if they’re actually talking about me, but who else would it be?
“That would totally explain why he beat the shit out of Professor Keller. So uncalled for,” another voice adds dramatically and I practically see her eyes rolling.
“He’s so hot,” someone now says and I’m sure my face is screwed up into an angry, judgmental scowl. “I’d have an affair with him and not give it a second thought. Fuck his wife. I’m sure she’s a bitch anyway.”
They all cackle, a laugh so nauseating it takes everything in me not to stand up and scream fuck off in their faces.
“Well, I heard Professor Keller is a peeping tom,” someone now quips, but her words sound far too intrigued to be appalled.
This conversation is out of control and far more disturbing than what even happened between Caleb and Professor Keller, but the minuscule amount of truth makes me continue to listen, wondering just where it will go.
“Oh my fucking god, he could peep me all day. I’d even purposely open the blinds,” a high-pitched voice squeals.
There’s no way she means this. She has no idea the invasion of privacy or how unsafe it makes you feel. It all may be a joke or something they just love to gossip about, but on the other end of it are people’s lives: Caleb’s and mine.
Since this happened, I struggle with the constant fear that someone is outside my house. The only thing that continually brings me back to normalcy is the fact that I live with Caleb and Reid. If it were just Sienna and me, I’m not sure either of us would’ve been able to stay in the house.
Again, they all laugh, echoing the disgusting sentiment of the girl who longs to have her life fucked with by someone watching her without her permission. The only reason this is even a conversation is because Professor Keller is attractive. If he were some drifter or he wasn’t nearly as attractive as Professor Keller then they’d be up in arms and throwing an epic fit. They’d demand everyone pay attention to them and press charges against the guy who stole any semblance of privacy from them. But in my case, I’ve let it go, trying to act like it didn’t happen, because trying to find someone on my side is nearly impossible.
I’ve talked with Ed and even my dad, who have both advised me to move on. The police aren’t interested in the real story, especially when it paints Professor Keller in the worst possible light. No one believes it, but they certainly love to talk about it like it’s tabloid fodder.
I wait for them to leave, unable to pull myself off the floor and confront them like I should. My first thought is Caleb and the last thing I want to do is draw more attention to something he’s trying desperately to avoid.
Classes haven’t even started and this will probably be one of many encounters like this, so I either need to learn to let it roll off my back or become more vocal.
I take in a deep breath and scrub my hands over my face before I stand up, gathering the strength to not only let this shit go but to also heave this massive stack of books off the floor.
But when my hands slide down my face, I’m confronted with a girl standing in front of me. Her hands are on her hips and her perfectly made up face is impassive. She hasn’t said anything, but judging by the way she’s looming over me, she isn’t here to offer a hand to help me up.
“Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t care to hear it,” I immediately say, still bothered by what happened just moments ago.
I grab my books, cradling what I do have in my arms as I start to walk away. I don’t have the patience or the resolve for this today and I’m even debating dropping the books I do have and bailing. I knew I should’ve placed the damn order online and picked them up. I could’ve avoided all of this if I hadn’t been so ambitious.
The girl follows me. She’s all long dark hair and a tiny frame, roughly about my size, and I’m pretty sure if I needed to, I could either out run her or kick her ass.
“Can you wait a second?” she calls out, slowing her pace a little and I do the same. Her question is asked with sincerity and without even a small bite to her words. She could be a great actress though and given the situation, people, mostly the girls on campus, are all about supporting Professor Keller.