I turn to face her, my books still in my arms and I bite down on my lip as I wait for her to say something. She looks surprised now, her mouth in a small O shape as she swallows and shuffles her feet a little.
I don’t think she expected me to stop and now she’s caught trying to figure out how to handle it. I shift my weight, the books pressing into my arms making this whole encounter even more uncomfortable than it already is.
I purse my lips, thrusting my chin forward and my eyebrows go up as if to tell her to get moving because I’m not going to stand here all day. I’m annoyed and on edge and I’m not interested in standing here while this girl finally finds her words.
When she says nothing, I shove the books in my arms onto the shelf next to me, grab my phone from the top, and storm out of the bookstore. All I want to do is go home and forget this idiotic day ever happened.
I know people will talk. I understand that gossip is fueled by boredom and intrigue. I get that what happened is unusual and something you don’t hear about often on college campuses, but I need people to remember there are lives behind all of this. Not just Caleb’s and mine. There’s Professor Keller and while I have no sympathy for him, I do for his wife and his kids. They’re as much a part of this as I am and after running into them at that restaurant all those weeks ago, I don’t think she’s buying his bullshit story that Caleb attacked him without reason.
The way she looked at me, the way she failed to speak, showed she felt threatened and there’s a reason for that. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened even if it’s never been talked about.
I’m stomping away, fuming mad and feeling like shit when the girl chases after me. She grabs for my shoulder, stopping me in a way that’s jarring and intrusive.
“What?” I call out, whipping around to look at her.
“I’m sorry about what those girls said about you and your boyfriend,” she spits out quickly but shakily.
I shake my head with my lips curled into a sneer, ready to bite back at her, wondering why she even cares.
“I’ve been there,” she now says, her brown eyes filled with tears as she quickly looks at her feet.
“What?” I now say again, but this time my word is softer, my face softening with it, too.
“I reported it to the university but no one cared. No one did anything.” Her words are nearly a whisper now and I look around quickly to see if anyone can hear us.
There are few people moving about, but most are minding their own business and not close enough to hear the conversation.
“You reported what?” I now ask, probing for more, but somehow feeling badly for longing to hear this girl’s story. I don’t want to participate in gossip because I know how it feels to be shit on, but she came to me. She’s sharing something she feels connects us.
“He assaulted me. He broke into my house and attacked me.”
“Who?” Suddenly I’m hit with this scary, shocking nightmare that she may not be talking about Professor Keller and maybe she’s talking about Caleb.
Never.
He would never do something like that, and I hate myself for even thinking it.
“Professor Keller,” she says, breaking down, the tears streaming down her face in little rivers.
Again I look around, moving so I’m now standing next to her. We don’t know each other, we’ve never talked or interacted, but I feel drawn to her. I feel the need to console her.
“No one believes me,” she stutters out, her breath ragged and I put an arm around her shoulders.
“I don’t think this is the place to have this conversation,” I prompt, pushing her a little so she starts walking.
There’s a small group of tables, at one end of the quad, shaded by trees and backed by a parking lot. Both are empty and as secluded as it isn’t, it’s just enough. I don’t want to be anywhere alone with this girl because if I’ve learned anything from this fucking mess, it’s that the most respected person can be your worst nightmare.
“So what happened?” I ask her after we’ve sat down, giving her my full attention, but also my deepest sympathy.
“I was having an affair with him.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Caleb
I’m back sitting in the therapist’s room. Alone this time because Ruby had shit to do for school, which is starting again soon. A part of me wishes I could have gone with her, to protect her from the gossip and rumors about me and what I did that I know must be swirling around the campus. I’d heard enough of it when I first went back to work and although I tried to ignore it, I caught enough to know that people were still talking about it.
Fuck knows what Ruby was now hearing and it scared the shit out of me just thinking about it.
“Caleb, hi, how are you feeling today?” Liz asks as she sits down across from me.
I shrug. “Okay I guess.” It’s only been two days since I last saw her. It’s not like much has changed.
“No Ruby this time?”
I shake my head. “No, she had stuff to do for school.”
Liz gives me a smile. “Was everything okay between you two after the last session?”
“Yeah,” I say, exhaling. “No worse anyway.”
“And did you do as I suggested?”
I stare back at her, watch as she gives me a look that might almost be a smirk. A half smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as I reply, “Yeah, I did. Doctor’s orders, remember?”
Liz laughs, realizing that I’m being a smart ass. “Good, and you told her…”
I take a deep breath, letting it out on a long slow exhale. “And I told her how I resented the fact that I’d stayed in Providence.”
Liz writes something on her notepad before she looks up at me again. “And why did you stay in Providence?”
Her question surprises me. I’d expected her to ask me about why I was so pissed off that I’d stayed or to tell me that I should talk to Reid and Sie about it, let them know how I feel. But that’s not what she asks and for a second, I don’t know how to answer her.
“Because someone had to,” I eventually say, my hands up as if to say, why else.
“And why do you think that person was you?”
I shove a hand through my hair, wondering why the fuck she’s asking me this. “Better me than Sie.”
“Why?” she pushes.
“Because,” I start, my frustration now building. “She deserves better than that.”
“And you don’t?”
I can feel my heart rate speeding up, my limbs suddenly feeling restless as a warm flush creeps up my neck. “It doesn’t matter what I deserve,” I say, my voice detached, almost as though someone else is saying these words. “But Sienna didn’t deserve the shit storm she would’ve got had she stayed. She, she…” I trail off, not knowing what else to say.
Liz says nothing at first, just watches me as I sit across from her. Her gaze makes me feel uneasy because I know she’s judging me, thinking god knows what as she waits for me to explain why I stayed, why me staying was so much better than Sienna.
But how do I explain to her all the shit I went through? All the crap I had to sort out, all the bullshit our father dished out? I never would’ve wanted Sienna to have to deal with any of that, most of it she doesn’t even know about. Not what he did or all the things that came after.