“Are you okay?” a woman asks.
On my knees, I push to standing and place my hand on my head, feeling a little dizzy. “I’m fine.”
Miguel’s chest heaves, nostrils flared like a bull ready to charge. “You wouldn’t dare…”
“Try me.”
“You don’t deserve her.” His hands are in fists and he snarls.
“And you do?” I arch a brow, tight-lipped and losing my patience. “Well, you can’t take her away if you don’t know where she is.”
My taunt is empty, but he doesn’t know that as he throws a punch, socking me square in the jaw. Livid, I hurl my fist at his face, jabbing flesh and bone. Crack. I hit his nose.
He cries out and staggers back, knocking over a table and a patron in the process. Blood gushes from his nose, and one hand pinches the bridge to stem the bleeding. But he isn’t backing down.
I inch closer, fists up while there’s a lot of commotion going on around us. He attacks like a rabid dog, sending both of us crashing to the floor. He clips me on the chin, and I punch him in the side.
Now we’re grappling and rolling around, too close for either of us to do any damage. Someone grabs my shoulder, and someone else shouts for the cops.
32
All the wars
EVA
The warm, salty sea air washes over my heated skin as I’m in Shavasana, corpse pose. Pansy is first to move, with quiet rustling and other movements she makes as she likely rolls up her yoga mat.
I lie, silent, just a little longer. Cherishing a brief moment of stillness without any pain, tears, or questions that I’m no closer to answering.
After seeing Jared yesterday at the hotel pool, something changed. I can’t explain it, but I found a little more clarity. It still hurt to see him. I still thought of him with Bianca, but I also felt a lightness, something lifting inside of me, and gratitude in seeing him.
Despite everything, I missed him, and last night was the first night I got some sleep. It wasn’t sound or through the night but it was something.
And when I woke this morning, just before dawn, I wanted the beach and yoga on Pansy’s deck with the spectacular ocean view.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Pansy’s soft and tender gaze is a welcome balm.
I roll onto my knees and begin to wipe down the mat she loaned me. She sits cross-legged, not too far from me, with her dog’s head resting in her lap. Her fingers comb through its ruff.
“Better. I’m glad I came.”
“Me too. I don’t want to pry, and you can tell me to shut up or get lost, but how are things with you and Jared?”
When I arrived, I could sense she knew some, if not all, of what had happened between us.
“About the same.” I slip on my shoes, grabbing my towel, hoping she gets that I don’t want to talk about it. “I’m going to head out. I really enjoyed this and might be back tomorrow, if that’s okay.”
“Of course. Any time.” She stays where she is and waves.
“Hey, Pansy, I just got a call from Jared.” Silas sticks his head out the sliding door.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, unable to ignore the concern or worry in his voice or the nagging in my gut that Pansy may know a little something about how I feel.
“Ah, he got arrested and Quint says he’s refusing bail.”
“Arrested?” Pansy and I say at the same time.
“I don’t know all the details, but he got into a fight at the bar in your hotel.” Silas looks at me. “Both men, Jared and the other guy, were arrested.”
“Was he drinking?” Pansy asks.
“No. I’m going down there to get him out.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask to come or tell him I will go instead, but that isn’t my place. I can’t play games with Jared when I don’t know what I want.
My arms cross over my middle, and I watch Silas leave. He promises to keep Pansy informed, and in turn, she’ll let me know what’s going on.
Unease churns in my stomach, and I need to move. I say goodbye to Pansy once more and take the stairs down to the beach.
A small smile springs to my lips once I hit the sandy floor. It isn’t as big or as bright as it would be if all was right, but I’ll take it.
The water is calling me as I dip my feet in at the edge of the shore and stand there for quite some time.
“Hey, you’re still here.”
I peer over my shoulder to see Pansy headed my way.
“Yes. I might be all day.” I laugh, and we stand side by side looking out at the horizon. “Any word from Silas?”
“No. Nothing so far but I will call or text when I know more.”
“Thanks.”
“Okay, so I’m only going to say one more thing…”
Glancing at her, I suppress my groan. She means well, but we hardly know each other. I don’t want to talk about Jared sleeping with my sister, who is quite possibly Pansy’s friend.
“I wasn’t in the picture when it happened, but when I did find out, it hurt. I tried to hide it because it was Silas’s past, and it took some time to really get over it. So I can’t imagine what you’re feeling especially since Bianca is…”
My stomach tumbles and my inclination is to bolt. I feel shame, and the betrayal is still there but more for what Bianca did than anything else.
She shakes her head, bending down to pick up a shell on the sand. “I’m sorry if I’m overstepping. I don’t want to make this more difficult for you than it already is. All I want to say is, Jared loves you more than life itself.”
I feel the same way.
“And if it’s any consolation, in the time I’ve been on the scene, he has never, ever been close with Bianca. In fact, it’s the opposite. There’s a lot of tension between them, and I have the feeling he only asked her to be his manager because he felt sorry for her.”
“Sorry for her?”
“There was nothing for her once Trojan was over. And she was looking for another job but she wasn’t getting any bites. I heard the guys talking one day, and Jared grudgingly said he’d offer her his manager position…because of who she was to you.”
“Can I ask you a question?” I’m doing what I said I wouldn’t, but if anyone can understand, it would be Pansy.
“Sure.” Her smile is inviting, and I wonder if she’ll be as open once I get this out.
“Does it bother you about Jared?” She stares intently, and I feel the need to further explain. “I mean, that Silas also slept with Jared.”
At first she looks a bit surprised, and I wonder if I should have been clearer. She likely thinks I’m troubled by two men sleeping together.
“Ah, you know, until now it never crossed my mind.” She pauses, glancing down to her feet buried in the sand and then back at me. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“Me neither. I’ve been thinking about that and wondering why Jared sleeping with Silas, or any person other than my sister, doesn’t eat at me. Sure, I’d rather not know specifics about those he’s been with in the past but…none of it feels like a betrayal.”