"Baby, you coming to bed?" I heard her call from the bedroom in a sleepy voice.
"Yep, sorry," I called, standing up and shutting off all the lights, making my way into the bedroom.
I walked in to see her lying with her back toward me. I pulled the covers back and climbed into bed, but instead of wrapping my arm around her and pulling her into me, I rolled onto my side, facing away from her. I lay there for a few moments before I felt her hand on my shoulder.
"Is something wrong?" she questioned, her voice trembling.
"No, sweetie, nothing," I answered.
Silence hung between us until she cleared her throat. "It would be really nice if we spent our last night cuddling."
Our last night. There it was, I thought to myself as I closed my eyes tightly, not sure if I wanted to risk getting any closer to her than I already had. It had been a mistake to risk getting this close, but the second I looked over my shoulder into her eyes, there was no way I could deny her.
"Sorry, I figured you were almost asleep and didn't want to disturb you," I lied, rolling onto my back. The second I opened my arm to her, she slid into my side, placing her leg over mine, resting her head on my chest.
I wrapped my arm around her, bringing the other over to rest on her arm, and closed my eyes, kissing her gently on the forehead. It didn’t take Tess long to drift off to sleep—it never did when she lay in my arms—but I laid awake all night, wrestling with my decision.
Tess
We'd been on the plane for over an hour. I looked out the window, deep within my own thoughts, as Maddox slept beside me. I rested my head back against the seat and zipped up my sweatshirt. I felt cold and pulled the small blanket the airline had provided around my shoulders. I had been trying to relax for the past hour, but it was proving to be useless. I felt heavier now than I had when I had boarded the plane to come here.
I'd had a bad feeling when I’d woken up this morning. I woke before the alarm, stretched, and went to roll over to cuddle into Maddox, but the bed was empty. When I’d placed my hand in his indent, the sheets were cold, that told me he’d been up for a while. I'd found him laying out on the couch in the living room watching TV, and I'd never have thought anything of it if he hadn't been so strange the night before.
I closed my eyes, thinking back over the past ten days and how much I had enjoyed my time. Not only my time in Paris, but my time with Maddox. As the memories danced through my mind, I realized just how at peace I had been during this time away. Derrick was now a distant memory, and Maddox was the only one who sat at the forefront of my mind.
I looked over at him and studied his strong features. I watched the rise and fall of his chest and looked down to his large, muscular hands as they rested clasped together against his stomach. I could still feel them on me. I could still feel his body against mine as he held me in his arms and, for a quick moment, wished that he was holding me now.
I watched him as he slept, the same question running through my mind that had been there for the past few days. What were we to one another? Were we friends? Friends with benefits? Or had we ruined our friendship by the line we had crossed with one another? Perhaps that was what he was going to tell me last night, that he was sorry, but after all we had been through, we were over. I swallowed hard at the thought as my eyes burned with tears. I really hoped that wasn't the case because I didn't want to lose my friendship with him over that.
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. I didn't want to return to reality if he would not be in my life. I wondered what life was going to look like now that I was returning home. I also feared all the questions I'd be asked. Laura would take one look at me and know what had happened between us. I blew out a breath, hoping that there would be some time before I got to see her because I wasn't ready to answer the barrage of questions I knew would be coming.
I watched him sleep, and it surprised me when a tear rolled down my cheek. That familiar lump that made it near impossible to swallow had returned. I reached up and wiped the tear away and tried to take in a deep breath, but my chest hurt so badly I couldn't. Everything I’d been feeling was coming to the surface, and I had no idea how to handle it.
"Tess?" I heard a deep voice ask. "What's wrong?"
I opened my eyes and realized that Maddox was awake and had been watching me as I sat there staring at him. A look of concern lined his face.
I shook my head, but no words came. Instead, the tears flowed freely, and I had absolutely no chance of stopping them. He said nothing. Instead he lifted the armrest that was between us, reclined our seats, and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against him, where at the comfort of his touch the tears finally stopped.
I turned my key in the lock and pushed the door to my house open and stepped inside. I flipped the light on inside and slid out of my coat, hanging it on the hook just inside the door when Maddox appeared at the door with my bags.
He stepped into the house and placed them on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. "Did you want me to take them up for you?" he questioned.
"I'll be good. I need to do all the laundry anyway." I shrugged, looking over my shoulder in the direction of the laundry room. We both stood there looking awkwardly at one another as silence fell around us.
"Well, I guess I should get going," he said, glancing over his shoulder at his truck that was sat idling in the driveway.
Every part of me screamed not to let him go. Instead, I nodded. "It's been a long day," I whispered.
"It has," he agreed, his eyes meeting mine.
"Thank you for an absolutely amazing trip," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, his body tensing as he stood there looking at me.
"No, thank you," I said, swallowing hard, trying to hide the tears that I could once again feel forming behind my eyes.
We stood in the entryway of my home staring at one another, the first awkward silence falling between us out of the entire trip.
"I guess that's it then."
My eyes washed over his large frame, wishing that I could once again be held in his arms. "I guess so." I shrugged.
"All right then, I guess I will see you around." He stood there, not moving, just watching me.
I swallowed hard and nodded. The air between us was growing thick with tension, making it almost impossible for me to breathe. Yet instead of saying anything to him, I allowed him to turn without another word and walk out the front door. When I heard the door click shut, I did everything I could to stop the tears from falling, but there was no stopping them. I thought about grabbing my bags and going about my business, but then I found myself walking into the living room and parting the blinds. I watched through the window as he climbed into his truck, but instead of reversing, he just sat there.
"Come back, Maddox. Please, come back," I whispered to myself. Perhaps if I willed him hard enough, or said it loud enough, it would happen. He would come walking back through my door and everything would be okay. I closed my eyes and prayed, and when I opened them again, my heart almost stopped as I saw his door open. I bit my bottom lip, excitement building inside of me, and I was just about to run to the door to meet him when he paused with one foot on my driveway. He stood there for a few minutes, looking at the house, then hung his head and climbed back into his truck, shut his door, and reversed out of the driveway. My heart sank as I watched him drive away.