I can’t do this.
Stop! You have to do this.
“No, AJ, I can’t. They won’t believe me. They’ll think I’m making this up. It’s been too long, and I can’t do it.” I keep walking, refusing to stop.
“Molly!” I hear Dylan calling. I look to my left, and I see him jogging down the street. “You didn’t wait for us.” He looks behind him, and my parents are only a few steps behind.
“I thought I could do this, Dylan. But I can’t. I can’t tell them about AJ, Kate, and Neve. They’re going to think I’ve lost my mind.”
He steps in and places his hands on my shoulders. “You have no idea what they’re going to say or do. But you have to tell them.”
My cheeks burn with embarrassment, as I step back away from Dylan. I try to speak, but my chin is trembling with fear. “I don’t think I can,” I finally manage to whisper.
“You have to,” Mom says. “You have to stop him from hurting anyone else. You tried to save Tina and you couldn’t. But you can save another little girl from what was done to you.”
“And we’ll all be right here with you,” Dad adds.
I look to the three of them, searching for something, but the heaviness in my throat makes it nearly impossible to breathe.
“It’s okay,” Dylan says as he steps closer, and embraces me in his arms. “You have to unburden yourself of this colossal weight you’ve been carrying. It’s too much for one person, Molly, to go through life and not have some kind of reprieve from this. You’re the only person who has the power to make a difference.”
I feel like shrinking away and hiding forever. But what good can come from that? Not a God damned thing.
“You have the power,” Mom echoes.
Mom’s hand is warm as she places it on my back and rubs gentle circles. Dad hugs me, while I’m hugging Dylan. I know what I have to do, it’s just finding the strength to do it.
We’ll all be there, and we’re all going to be ready to step in if you need us.
“Thank you, Neve,” I say in a small voice. “I have to do this, don’t I?”
“No, you don’t,” Dad answers before Neve can. We all separate from the hug. “You really don’t.” He steps closer, and slings his arm over my shoulder. “Let’s go home, and forget about it. Pretend this didn’t happen.”
“Pretend what didn’t happen?” I ask.
“Everything. We’ll go home, and in a little while everything will go back to normal, like it was before Tina passed away. We’ll all learn how to live without her, and hopefully Kate, AJ, and Neve just drift into the background and never return. Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go.”
“Thomas, you can’t be serious?” Mom snaps at Dad.
“She doesn’t want to do this. We can’t force her. Maybe this is for the best.”
For the best?
“Are you kidding? She’ll never know peace because of what that monster did to her.” Mom’s emotions are making her angry at Dad.
“It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is Molly. And if she says she can’t do it, then she can’t do it. There’s nothing more to it. We don’t need to waste our time, or hers, arguing here.”
Waste our time?
Neve’s remaining quiet, but AJ is trying to come through. He’s so angry.
I can’t believe your dad, M. Why is he so cold?
“He’s not cold, AJ. He’s trying to protect me.”
Dad links our hands together, and pulls me in the direction of my car. Every part of me wants to stop. My feet, my head, my alters. “Wait!” I say.
“No, you’ve made your mind up.”
“Dad, I have to do this. I can’t not do anything about him. They have to know.”
Dad smiles at me. “See.”
“See what?”
“Didn’t like that feeling of hopelessness, did you? That’s how you’ll feel for the rest of your life if you don’t find your strength right this moment.”
Oh.
“Yeah,” I echo Neve’s tiny sigh. “I understand.”
“Yeah?” Dad says. “What do you understand?”
“I know I have a choice. And one decision is right, and the other decision is right for me. I have to choose which decision I’m going to act upon. And I know what I have to do.”
“No one is going to judge you if you choose to walk away from this,” Dylan says.
“I know. But I’m going to judge myself. Neve, AJ, and Kate will all have been for nothing. They need to have a voice. Just like every child who’s being or has been groomed and abused. I need to fight for everyone who can’t.”
Mom beams with pride.
“Then let’s head back inside, and do this,” Dylan states.
I nod. “Yeah, let’s do this.”
The first thing I notice is the lady who I spoke with earlier. She’s talking to a really tall, older man, whose build is solid. They both look over to us, and the guy walks toward us.
“Hi,” he greets me. “I’m David Baxter, part of the sex crimes unit. Amy was telling me you came in to speak to someone from sex crimes. Can I help you?”
I look around, taken aback by the fact we’re out in the foyer and anybody can walk past. “Actually…” I don’t finish the sentence. I can’t do this out here. I shake my head.
David looks to all of us. “How about I make you a cup of the worst coffee in the area?” He made me smile. “It’s really terrible. But I’m happy to make five cups, one for each of us.”
“I’d love a cup,” Dylan replies first and squeezes my hand. “Molly?”
“Molly? I’m David.” He holds his hand out for me to take.
“I’d like a coffee,” I say as I take his hand and shake it.
“Great, let’s go up to my office.”
We all follow him to the elevator, where we take it up to the fourth floor. Walking through the door, the office space is fairly bare, only a handful of police officers in at this time of the morning. “There aren’t many of you,” I say trying to distract myself.
“It’s still fairly early, but there are always people here.” He leads us into his office. It’s bigger than I thought it would be, and actually fairly neat too. There’s a large bookcase on the side containing a heap of police manuals, law books, and files. There are some weird knick-knacks from different destinations. But the thing I notice most is a bunch of framed certificates on the wall. But the one that sticks out, is a hand-written letter. I step toward it and notice immediately the juvenile writing. It says, thank you for making it safe for me to sleep at night. It has two Xs below the name: Susan.
“That came from the first case I worked on in sex crimes.”
“How’s Susan now?” I ask.
“Susan is going to graduate high school next year, and is on track to become a police officer. She wants to come work for me,” he says with a huge smile, and pride in his eyes. He offers us all a chair, and waits until we’re seated. “Now, what’s happening with you, Molly?”
And so it begins.