I groaned, but didn’t respond. My dad wasn’t the disciplinarian between my parents, and it wasn’t often that he exerted any sort of parental dominance, but when he did, it was because the matter in question meant something to him. I was well aware of the way my parents were attempting to fill the void in Colin’s life, I just didn’t get why they were dragging me along for the ride. It killed me to spend so much time with Colin, why couldn’t they see that?
My father and I didn’t speak the entire rest of the morning. If my own emotions were going to be completely ignored while they were monkeying about trying to make Colin feel better, then I was better off not talking at all. My dad tried to toss some words of love and encouragement as I got out of the car, but I ignored them. I walked around the hood and started to head for the entrance when Ryan and Helena shot into my mind. What was the last thing Colin said to them?
I turned around and waved at my dad. “Love you, okay? Will you get out of here?”
He honked his dumb, should be broken Corola, and then drove away. I grinned as he left. I was lucky to have my parents, I knew that. That didn’t change the fact that there were other factors at play. How was I supposed to balance all of it? I continued into the school with both mine and Colin’s backpacks and started off towards his locker. I planned to just set it on the floor in front of it. Everyone knew his locker and his backpack and that his parents were brutally murdered. It would take a psychopath to steal it, and I didn’t think there were any of them at Orchard Mesa high.
I got to the corner just before Colin’s locker and heard a collection of voices, one of which belonged to Colin himself. Either the meeting had been fast or had been canceled for him to already be at school.
“I don’t know, dude. I guess we all just kind of thought you did it because you were in mourning. You really aren’t getting back together?”
I stopped shy of turning the corner.
“No,” Colin responded, “we really aren’t. She cheated on me. I saw it with my own eyes. I mean, the least she could have fucking done was waited until after my parents’ funeral.”
Harlie cheated on Colin and they broke up? What was all that at the funeral then? I thought she was mad thinking that he was cheating on her?
Another friend laughed. “I heard she thinks you were the one stepping out with Tatiana.”
Colin scoffed. “Yeah, right. Do I look like a fucking masochist?”
It felt like a gut-punch. I’d been rough, there was no doubt about that, but I actually helped him get through his parents’ funeral. Even after everything he did to me, I still supported him when he needed me. I looked at his backpack in my hand and felt like chucking it around the corner.
His friends were laughing. “Yeah, who the hell would go out with a bitch like that?”
I turned around and walked the other direction. As some kid was passing by, I slammed the backpack in his chest with a gruff “Give this to Colin,” and continued on without another thought. If they took everything out of it, I wouldn’t give a shit.
I made my way towards Val’s office with my blood pressure rising by the millisecond. Who would go out with me? Someone a lot fucking smarter than any of you dipshits.
I walked into Val’s class, knowing he didn’t have a first period class, and shut the door behind me.
“Hey.” His mouth was full of banana. He held it up with a wicked smile. “Sorry, if I’d known you were coming, I’d have brought two. Although,” he rolled his chair away from his desk so I could see his crotch, “I’m sure we can find another one around here.”
I walked over to him and dropped to my knees right in front of him. He flailed around, dropping the banana on his desk and put his hands on my shoulders. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was kidding.”
“I’m not.” I stared at him through a stone serious expression.
“Look, as great an idea as I think it is to let you near my dick with this visible rage you have going on, I’m going to pass. Besides, I’ve got a few colleagues headed in here any minute for a meeting.”
“Ugh!” I stood up and started to walk back towards the door.
“Whoa!” I heard his footsteps rushing behind me before I felt his hand grab my arm. “What’s going on? What happened?”
I couldn’t really tell him what had actually happened. I wasn’t great at relationships, but I could only imagine telling your current boyfriend that you’re livid because your former flame that you still have deep, unresolved feelings for insulted you, probably doesn’t make for a long, happy life.
“My dad is making me go to Colin’s games with him.” I was grateful for something adjacent that made me almost as frustrated.
“Ah.” He pulled me back towards his desk and sat me down in his chair. He crouched in front of me and rested his arms on my lap and his head on top of those. “And you’re pissed because you can’t stand him now and don’t want to show him any more support than you have to?”
I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about this with Val either. “I guess. I don’t know. I don’t even like football.”
“Yeah, that’s because you’re intelligent,” Val replied and I could feel football fans’ around the nation’s spidey senses going off that someone had insulted them. I also didn’t agree, but it worked better for my current circumstances if I did, so I kept my mouth shut. “So you’ll be at the game on Wednesday night?”
“Yeah.” I remembered suddenly that I was supposed to ‘spend the night at Billy’s’ on Wednesday so that I could be with Val. “Oh. Sorry, we’ll probably have to switch nights.”
“Maybe not.” His fingers walked across my thigh, inching further and further up. “I’ll go to the game too. We can sneak under the bleachers.”
I snickered. “Are you serious?”
Val’s amused smile when straight-laced in an instant. “Dead.” He grinned again. “Our bleachers are tarped in the back. Unless anyone has the same idea, we’ll be safe.”
“And if someone has the same idea?” I asked.
“Then we pretend I’m giving you CPR. It’s fool-proof.”
My mood was lightening a bit. “I don’t quite see it that way.”
“Come on.” He poked at me. “You were the one who said you wanted a little risk.”
I thought about it for a second, imagining the thrill. It might help to jump start the listlessness I’d settled into since Colin moved in. “Okay. I’m in.”
I told Billy about Val’s and my plan at lunch, and staunchly avoided making any form of eye-contact with Colin despite the number of times he looked at me. We didn’t share any classes as students from two different years, so lunch was our only communal time of the day. Ordinarily, I’d be going out of my way to at least flip him off, but his words were etched across my brain and I avoided him to keep from starting an all-out war. I was stupid for even entertaining the idea that things were shifting between us. He was still the same reel-her-in-then-let-her-go asshole he’d always been.
I’d planned to head home without him after school, but he’d gotten outside before me. I kept my headphones in my ear, my backpack over my shoulder, and just kept walking when he looked up at me with an innocent smile. I know better now, Undinger. Fuck that smile.