I took another deep breath, feeling the life that had been attempting to untether itself from my body, settle back in.
“Let’s give ‘em a show, eh?” Coach Nash tapped my back and started to push me over towards the bench.
The crowd slowly started to chant my name, pushing as much of their energy into me as I could muster. Even though it was like they were just getting me to half-battery, I was hoping it would be enough to get me through the game without making a total fool of myself.
I was wrong.
The first half was coming to a close in the blink of an eye. We were down 6-13, and all eyes were on me to get the ball downfield in the hopes of snagging a touchdown. I knew my runners could get down there, and my linemen had me covered, but I was punctured by the lack of my parents. It was as if I’d forgotten how to throw a football. The snap happened, and then the ball was in my hands. I backed down the field under the roar of the fans cheering me on, but my teammates bolting down the turn were just a blend of colors to me. I wanted to get the ball out to one of them, but no one looked open. A tackle broke through the line and charged right at me, ramming into me hard and sweeping me clear off my feet. It was the second sack I’d taken that game, but this time, when I smashed against the ground, the ball went slipping out of my hands like a greased up melon. The other team’s wide-receiver leapt over me and scooped up the ball before I could get back to it, racing at top speed for his end-zone.
“TOUCHDOWN!”
The entire ocean of black and orange-clad fans groaned with defeat while the opposing team cheered. One of my teammates helped me to my feet, but I could see in his eyes that he was pissed.
“Carter was wide open.” He dropped my hand and started for the bench as the announcer signified the end of the first half.
I trudged over to the rest of the team and started to file back into the locker room. They all kept a wide distance from me like I was covered in some disease. I couldn’t blame them. If I were in their position and the first game of my senior year was going the way it was because of me, I’d stay away from me too.
Coach Nash grabbed my shoulder and held me back from the group, already getting water and hissing insults. “Two sacks, Undinger. That’s tough.”
“I’m sorry coach. I’ll do better in the second half, I promise,” I replied.
Coach Nash shook his head. “Colin, I’m sorry. I can see that you’re just not in the right place, and I’m afraid you’re gonna get hurt. I can’t put you back out there.”
My jaw fell slack. “What? No. Coach. I promise. I’m good. Please, just let me--”
“I’m sorry, Colin. I couldn’t call myself a coach, counselor, or friend if I let you go back out there like this. They’ll take your head off.” He noogied my head. “Don’t worry. You’ll be back to your old self in no time. There’s still plenty of season left.” He walked away without letting me offer any additional protests and I was very tempted to pull off my pads and storm out of there without another word. If it weren’t for the coach’s ‘We support even when we can’t play,’ rule I probably would have.
So in the second half I was sitting on the bench like a chump. The team was getting ready for the second half to start, with the newest quarterback to the team, some Sophomore hopeful, was getting caught up on plays. Each time I looked over at Kya and Cristiano, they were giving me thumbs up and cheering for me despite the fact that it was clear I’d been benched. I smiled back at them, but it made me feel lame. I wanted to repay their support with an impressive game, not by getting my back blown out.
I looked over at Tatiana, but she was buried in her phone. Any friendly glance from her might have been enough to make me feel less shitty, but I watched as she continued to ignore me, and everything, all up until her head shot up and she started looking around the field. A little bit of confidence bled into me letting me think she was looking for me somewhere on the field, but then her eyes landed on someone standing off to the side of the bleachers near the concession stand.
I continued to watch her curiously, mentioning something to her parents, and then eventually standing up off the bleachers. She walked down to the stairs and over to a figure in a dark gray hoodie and jeans. At first I thought it may have been a visiting student, but Tatiana reached up and pulled the hood back, and though he was still hard to make out, his long hair was famous around our school; it was Mr. Kepler, one of the science teachers. Tatiana was standing closer to him than what I thought was normal for a teacher and student, but that was nothing compared to the fact that, after looking around them to make sure no one was watching them, Mr. Kepler took Tatiana’s hand and led her behind the bleachers.
My head frantically looked all around me, wondering if anyone was seeing what I was seeing, but everyone was watching the game. My eyes kept flicking to the game clock, but not to see how much time was left in the game, but to clock how long Mr. Kepler and Tatiana were behind the bleachers. Three minutes passed, five minutes passed, ten, eleven, twelve, twelve and one half, twelve and three quarters, thirteen…
Twenty minutes passed before Mr. Kepler re-emerged from behind the bleachers. I felt like I was going to be sick as I watched them smoothing their clothes down and fixing their hair. Mr. Kepler wrapped his arm around Tatiana’s back, but she pushed him off, brushing a hand through his hair before starting away from him. As she was walking away, he swiped a hand out and swatted her on her ass. I watched her for signs of disgust or fear, but the only one who felt those things was me as Tatiana giggled and waved goodbye to Mr. Kepler, who pulled his hood up and made for the exit.
“Holy crap,” I whispered out loud.
Tatiana is sleeping with Mr. Kepler.
12
Colin
For the first night since my parents died, the reason I couldn’t bring myself to sleep was due to something other than their passing. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Tatiana’s smile aimed at Mr. Kepler and his hand reaching out to smack her ass. There was no questioning what I’d witnessed. I didn’t have to see them doing anything to know that when they’d slid behind the bleachers, it was to have sex. That was the kind of thing that was disturbing enough when two teenagers did it, let alone a teenager and a teacher. I was hopelessly torn between whether I was more troubled by learning that Tatiana was seeing someone in general or the fact that that person was one of our high school teachers. Maybe I was way off base with calling her a sadist. If she was sneaking around with one of the teachers at school, she was probably closer to being a masochist.
Around one o’clock in the morning, when I thought I was going to successfully manage to go to sleep without thinking about Tatiana’s toxic affair, it hit me that three days a week she stayed after school for tutoring. Tatiana was one of the most intelligent people I’d ever met, and I knew just from seeing her around that almost all of her classes were advanced placement or a year up from where she was. She didn’t need tutoring. She was staying after school, three days a week, to have sex with the science teacher.
That really fucked me up.
All I wanted to do was pick up my phone and call my mom. She was one of the most reasonable and understanding people on the planet, paired with the fact that up until her dying day, she loved Tatiana like a daughter. She was always giving me the play-by-play on Tatiana’s life that she’d gotten in her daily reports from Kya. She regularly asked me to talk to her at school. The day Tatiana broke my heart, I cried in my mom’s arms for close to two hours. She tried to coax me into talking to her to try and get to the bottom of what happened, but whenever I tried to talk to Tatiana, she ignored me. Eventually I just lost the steam to continue to chase after her. I was certain my mom had tried a time or two to force the conversation by inviting the Marquettes to a free dinner at the restaurant, but every time she did, Kya and Cristiano would show up without Tatiana in tow.