I shifted, trying to move so that I could look up at him. He was laying behind me, cradling me, but I needed those green eyes to look into mine and tell me everything would be okay. I rolled to one side, but my face skated a little too close to Colin’s in the process. What was meant to be a simple reposition so that I could talk to him fully, ended with his lips on mine. He continued to slowly caress as we kissed, somehow telling me anyway that everything would be okay. He was warm, not in the way that the weather was warm, but in the way that Christmas decorations were warm, or hearing from an old friend after a long time. He was the opening my puzzle piece was designed to fit in, and when we were close, there was no denying it.
Sure, I wanted to talk to Colin, but it could wait. Not the most intimate sex Val and I had ever had could make me feel the way Colin did with just the simplest of touches. Just as my hands had before, they linked behind Colin’s neck and pulled him towards me, but this time, they did so with my permission. I wanted the familiar feeling of his body against mine, to only go to that place Colin had managed to take me. I could feel his resistance, even so much that he pulled up from me, but I put my hand on his face and looked deep into his green pools, assuring him that this time would not end as the other had. I wanted to be with him this time. I didn’t want to trip and fall into it; this was deliberate.
He grinned at me and ducked his head back down to mine, this time leading with his tongue to push it between my lips to play with mine. I moaned against his lips. We were just kissing, that was it, but it was otherworldly. It was taking me outside myself, on a vacation far from the fear of the world I was in. I could have clung to it forever were it not for the interruption of a knock on my door.
“Tatiana?” Colin jumped up away from me, and for the first time in my entire life, I imagined hitting my mother with my dad’s shitty Corolla.
“Yeah?” I barked back, and the severity made Colin laugh. I smiled and softened a bit. I let my frustration with parting ways show, which gave him at least some confidence.
“Is Colin in there?” she asked, and Colin slid down off my bed and sat on the floor in front of it.
“Yep!” Colin replied.
The door opened, showing my mom’s confidence that nothing untoward was happening inside, and she smiled. “Hi, sorry. I didn’t realize you’d gotten home.”
Colin rubbed his head, something of a nervous tick he had. “Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you guys were sleeping or something, so I kind of snuck in.”
“Oh no worries. I just wanted to tell you that I spoke with your parents lawyer. She--”
“Yeah,” Colin cut her off, “I got her voicemail. She was talking about all of this stuff that I wasn’t really ready to deal with. It overwhelmed me.”
My mom got that protective, ‘mama bear’ smile she sometimes displayed when dealing with people who’d upset me. “Yes. I spoke with her. I told her that you are not yet 18, and we’re your legal guardians for the time being, so any future requests need to come through us. I wasn’t happy to hear she’d disturbed you during your game with that.”
I grinned. My mom was pretty great. “Nice mom.”
Colin was smiling too. “Thanks, Kya. I promise, I’ll get it all figured out.”
“We’ll get it all figured out,” my mom replied. “We’ll work on it bit by bit over the next few weeks so that, when you turn 18, you’ll be ready. Don’t you worry.” Colin glanced up at me, and even with my mom standing there, I reached a hand out and placed it on his head, scratching lightly. He leaned back into my touch and my mom smiled widely. “I suppose now’s as good a time as any to ask, what would you like to do for your birthday?”
Colin’s face screwed like he was confused. “Oh.” I pet a little harder. It must have been washing over him that it was his first birthday without his parents. “I guess I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Well, we can do whatever you’d like. Family vacation, big party, anything.” Colin didn’t respond and my mom sensed she’d pushed too hard. “You don’t have to answer now. Just think about it. Whatever you’d like to do, big or small, I’ll make it happen.”
Colin smiled again. “Thank you.”
She looked at us with a blissful expression and then I watched as her gaze slowly drifted upwards. A silent ‘we did it’ to her late friend. “Well, I’ll leave you two then. Don’t stay up too late, it’s still a school night.”
“Thanks mom.” I looked right at my mom and her grin grew. She walked out without another word.
Colin closed his eyes and I continued to pet his head. “Your parents are being too good to me.”
“They just care about you a lot. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.”
Colin scoffed. “You should take your own advice.”
“What?”
Colin turned around so he was on his knees leaning against the bed. “Something happened, I can see it.”
Val’s terrifying expression bled into my mind. “Val… He’s not who I thought he was.”
“What happened?”
I recounted the story to Colin, watching as he got angrier and angrier with each detail. Emotions swelled up in me again as fear tried to seep it’s way back in. I looked at Colin and allowed his presence to soothe me.
“I could fucking kill that guy.” He looked up at me. “I swear to god, if he hurts you…”
“Relax.” I put my hand on his face. “You have plenty to worry about. I’ve got it handled.”
Colin wasn’t convinced. I laced my fingers into his hair again, and he was like a dog getting scratches behind the ear. He looked at me and it was plain to see he was conflicted about something. The amorous moment that had taken us before was gone, but the romance was as real as ever. Whatever was going on in his mind involved me. I wanted to ask, but left it be. Whatever it was, I got the feeling I wasn’t quite ready to address it yet.
We stayed that way until Colin let out a yawn, and then I caught it and released one of my own. In the silence between us it was apparent, we wanted to stay together. He and I both knew why we couldn’t for the time being, but it didn’t quell the desire.
Colin kissed the top of my hand. “Goodnight, Tati.”
I smiled. “Goodnight.”
Colin stood up and walked towards the door, but when he got to it, he stopped. He turned and looked at me and his lips parted ever so slightly, but then they closed again. He gave me a final, calm grin before turning again and leaving.
“Yeah,” I whispered after he was gone. “Me too.”
20
Tatiana
Two Weeks Later…
I had no idea if my plan to wean myself off of Val, or rather him off of me, was a good one, but it was the best hope I had for the time being. He was already so erratic, that I didn’t want to just quit him suddenly. If that triggered him, there was no telling what he would do. I figured it was in my best interest to slowly start seeing him less and less, talking to him more infrequently, and then when it’s finally time to end it, he saw it coming. My thought process was that, if I cooled us off first, then the final dousing wouldn’t hurt so much; maybe he wouldn’t freak out the way he did at Colin’s game. I’d planned to wait about two weeks and hopefully do it before Colin’s birthday, which was the upcoming Saturday. Colin and I were in such a good place. We’d talked things out and, even though we hadn’t said as much, we wanted to be together. Val was a huge roadblock and I was ready to get rid of it. The thought that I could tell Colin on his birthday that I was ready to be with him, excited me. All I had to do was break up with Val. I was down to seeing him only once a week, and today was the day. I had to do it now, or it wouldn’t happen in time.