“Oh.” My dad smiled. “Do you need any money?”
I shook my head. “I’m still living off of mom’s random generosity of a few weeks ago. Thanks though.” I turned around, tossing my hand through the air. “See you later.”
“Bye baby,” my mom called after me. “Love you.”
“Love you guys too.” I slipped on a pair of my understated tennis shoes and walked out the front door.
The morning was already colder than I was expecting it to be. Fall was in full effect with Winter nipping at its heels. If I was actually hanging out with Billy, I’d be climbing into his car, but I planned to walk to the diner where I was meeting Val for breakfast so that I didn’t have to be alone with him. Val was after sex only, that was clear, but I’d managed to convince him that we needed breakfast for ‘fuel’ before a day of debauchery. Given that it was clear he quickly lost faith I was going to see him at all by the way he constantly confirmed meeting up via text message, when I doubled down on wanting to see him so long as we could get breakfast first, he obliged happily.
It was a brisk twenty minute walk to the edge-of-downtown street where the diner was. I took the opportunity to text Billy and tell him I was en route and he warned me to be careful. I promised to text him as soon as I was done and he made sure to warn me to text if it’s going to be longer than I’m thinking. He’s not waiting until 12:01 or 12:02. If he hasn’t heard from me by noon on the nose, he’s calling Colin. I told him I understood.
The diner was one of those mom and pop seeming places that was actually a chain. It had neon booth seats that were ripped on purpose and tables with the menus laid right into the table. There were enough patrons inside that I felt comfortable I’d be safe from anything Val may try to pull, but even as I sat, it felt more like trying to just get through a regular breakup. Val had been strange lately, I couldn’t deny that, and at times he’d been forceful with me, but I’d gotten nasty in the wake of Colin’s and my mixup. I understood all too well how love can make a person act outside of character. I’d spent almost a year with Val and he’d never been like that before. I was confident he wouldn’t hurt me or do anything too crazy. I just had to let him down easy and get back to Colin and on with the rest of our lives. I took the few final minutes before Val arrived to text Billy.
I made it to the diner.
Oh my god. Okay. Please
be so careful. Text me when you’re
done.
I will, I promise.
You need to text me if it takes longer
too. I’m not waiting until 12:01 or
12:02. If I haven’t heard from you at
noon on the nose, I’m calling Colin.
I will, but it’s okay. I really
don’t think Val will hurt me.
I sure hope you’re right,
Tati. I can’t go to jail for killing
a teacher, especially when Colin
and your parents will be right there
next to me.
Lol. I’ll be okay. Talk
to you soon.
“Hey beautiful.” I looked over my shoulder and Val was reaching the booth I’d picked out. We’d pretty much decided we would never kiss or act romantic towards one another in public, but when he passed me, he leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I’m glad to see you.”
“Hi,” I greeted, not wanting to tell any additional lies.
“How are you?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’m pretty good.” His eyes scanned me up and down for the first time. Had I made a mistake dressing down? “What?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing. Just reminding myself how stunning you are. Even for being so simply dressed.” That was sweet.
Val was charming and charismatic on top of being good looking. I wanted to be with Colin, and compared to him, Val was no contest, but something about Val’s presence was a jedi mind trick. I felt a tiny impulse to bail, enjoy breakfast, and let him take me home.
I took a breath and cleared my throat. If I didn’t get this over with soon, I was going to chicken-out the same way I had in his class a few days ago. “Look. There’s no easy way to do this--”
Val closed his eyes and bowed his head. “I knew it.”
I should have known it wouldn’t be easy. “Val.” He looked up at me, and to my shock, his eyes were gathering moisture in the corners. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s Colin Undinger isn’t it?” he asked. “You are sleeping with him.”
I didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t need to know the gory details. “I am in love with Colin. I always have been, since we were kids. I thought he was out of my life for good, but these past several weeks with him living with us have shown me that door isn’t closed.”
“When you said you loved me, did you mean it?”
No. “I did.” I didn’t. “I mean… I think I loved you based on my understanding of love at that time. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t sound fair, but I’ve learned a lot about myself in a very short period of time. You’ve helped me grow as a person, and maybe if the circumstances hadn’t become what they did, you and I would…” I was going down a bad road. “I’m sorry.”
Val sat back in his booth. He looked around. “I could use some water. Why hasn’t the waitress come over?”
I pushed my glass towards him. “I asked her not to. Said I had to deliver some bad news.”
He grabbed it and drank it all the way down until nothing but the ice was left. “Wow.”
I didn’t quite know where to go next. I didn’t feel like I’d reached the end of the level yet, but I wasn’t sure how to clear the next obstacle. I couldn’t just get up and walk away, it was only right to make sure he was okay before leaving. “Are you okay?”
He looked at me. “No, I’m not okay. I really do love you. Not by some fractured standard, but by the whole thing.”
“I know. It’s because you’re a wonderful man, and someday you’re going to be with someone who will love you by that same standard, and that woman will be very lucky.” I felt compelled to reach out and take his hand, but resisted.
Val stared down at the table. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed, Tati. I was considering quitting so that you being my student wouldn’t be a hindrance for us.” He looked up again. “If it’s that, we can work through that.”
I shook my head. “It was never that.”
That seemed to hit him hard. “Oh.” He took a deep breath and then looked into my eyes. He looked devastated and it hurt, but breakups weren’t supposed to feel good. “I understand. I just want you to be happy.”
That took me back a step. It was unexpected. “Really?” I shouldn’t have asked, but the word skipped out of me before I could stop it.
He chuckled. “Of course. A woman as great as you? I just want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted.”
He was turning on the charm again, but I was over the hill now. I just had to stay strong a little bit longer. “Thank you. I want that for you too.”