“They do,” I confirm.
“You smile, but it’s always sad,” Seb tells me, turning slightly so our eyes meet.
“Is it?” I reply, knowing I can’t deny it.
“Yeah, you always look like you’re missing a piece of your soul,” he murmurs grabbing my hand in his and running his thumb across my knuckles.
“I’m sorry,” I sigh.
“Hey, you don’t have to be sorry.” He shrugs. “For me to want to spend time with you, you only have to be you.”
His words are sweet, but I look away, feeling a pressure on my chest. The tingle moves up my spine again, and I search around but everyone is engrossed in their own stuff, no one is looking at me.
‘Careless Whisper’, the Seether cover, starts playing over the speaker system, and my heart hurts.
“We’re going to grab drinks. You want anything?” Sebastian asks the other two. They ignore him, too wrapped up in each other. “Come on,” he orders softly, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. “It’s someone else, isn’t it?” he questions as we walk towards the fast food counter.
I bite my bottom lip. “Is it that obvious?” I ask, finally admitting it to someone.
He chuckles, but it’s laced with a little sadness. “I wondered when me, James, Emmie, and you started hanging out.” He looks down at me as we continue walking. “I liked you when you attended Caspian before.” He shrugs. “When you came back, it seemed like the stars had aligned, and it was my chance, but I can sense the emotions in you.”
I laugh humourlessly. “Guess I’m not great at keeping them to myself.”
He rubs his hand down my back, and I stiffen in response.
“Sorry,” he apologises, raising his hands away from me.
“It’s okay. Come on, let’s get some drinks.”
I search around the complex, looking for his face, his eyes, looking for a sign that he hasn’t left me completely.
I spot Taya and her friends at the other end of the bowling alley, so I manoeuvre until I’m out of her sight. I’ve been keeping an eye on her since Jacobi’s disappearance. I’m not allowed to use magic outside of Caspian, none of us are supposed to actually, but not everyone listens. However, my dad has forbidden it. He says if I bring shame to his name, he’ll chuck me in Tartus, which is our version of Hell and prison in one. Therefore, I couldn’t retaliate when Taya hit me the other day. A bruise will heal, but I’m not going to Tartus because of her.
Since Jacobi’s been gone, Taya has taken it upon herself to rule the school on her own. She has half the school following because they’re either scared or as ruthless as her, and the other half hate her more now than they already did. Me? I mostly try to keep out of her way.
“Come on.” I tug Sebastian’s shirt once he’s got the drinks, and we walk back to the others.
“We’re still friends, right?” he asks once he’s deposited the drinks.
“I’d really like that,” I reply, this time with a genuine smile.
We bowl until James wins, and Emmie paws him with pride in her eyes. I’m happy for them, genuinely happy.
As we leave the bowling alley, I can’t stop myself from checking my phone once again. The text string between me and Jacobi is totally one sided, not once has he replied.
Me – I miss you.
Even when I lay myself bare…well, as bare as I can stand, he still never replies.
I brush my thumb over the screen and decide to send one last text.
I suck in a breath, my chest screaming in pain, and my vision blurs. I stumble out of the automatic doors of the bowling alley. The other three are just ahead of me as I pause to text.
Me – I hope wherever you are that you’re happy. Live your life, and remember you ARE a good person, Jacobi. Be safe. Goodbye.
I rush to catch up with the others as they cross the road to get to the car park. Through the blur, my gaze still manages to catch Taya’s as she grins darkly. She’s sitting in her car, and my world slows down as I watch, incapable of doing anything else, when she accelerates and guns her vehicle towards me. I’m frozen in place and can’t move as she hits me head on. I fly over the top of her car and smash down onto the roof. The motion of her still driving then forces me up into the air once again before I slam onto the tarmac of the road. I focus on the tiny drops of rain on the floor… wait, that’s not rain… rain isn’t red.
Black takes over.
I lie on the cold, hard ground, staring up at the stars as they appear in the night sky. It’s beautiful, and the only hope of peace for my mind that’s full of wondering. The biggest question is, how did it come to this?
After leaving London, I drove north for miles and miles until my car eventually ran out of petrol at the side of a motorway. I abandoned it there, an expensive sports car left to rust. It was little use to me. I’m not interested in such objects anymore. I want to hide away from my old life and become nothing. Maybe that way I can forget Juniper and the monster I become every time I kiss her.
I’ve known for a long time I’m in love with her. I think I fell for her the first moment I met her. Her sweet smile and innocence hid so many secrets, and I wanted to delve underneath the barriers she’d built up to find out what they were. For a time, I did, then I kissed her and everything changed. After that, I had my own secrets to hide, and they would destroy any hope of a future we had together.
That doesn’t mean I’ve not been keeping an eye on her, though. I’ve conjured a secret shadow that watches over her and reports back to me. More dates with Sebastian and kisses. That’s the part I can’t handle. They may not be on the lips, but he still gets to touch her and love her in a way I never will.
The other homeless souls around me set a fire to keep us warm in the cold Scottish air of Edinburgh. It may have been warming up in London when I left, but here it’s still freezing cold at night. I’ve managed to scrounge a coat from somewhere, but the rest of my clothes are those I wore the day I left. My school uniform with the emblem badge ripped off, so I can’t be identified, is tatty and filthy, but I don’t care. I haven’t any money with me. You’d think I’d have brought my wallet, but I chose to leave it in the car; an old life forgotten. The stars in the sky and the shadow reporting back to me are all I care about now.
I shut my eyes, preparing for another fitful night of sleep as the dreams of the monster I am come to me thick and fast. I know I cured two people, but it’s the previous times which haunt my dreams. I see faces, and I don’t know who they are, but I see the death in them. I take them from the people they love. It’s why I can’t risk being around Juniper anymore. She’s the key, and I don’t understand why. I sleep heavy tonight, and the dreams are vivid, but I don’t cry out. I follow them where they lead.
Four souls, laughing, having fun. I sense the happiness in them. The affection they have for each other, but there’s something dark lurking around the corner. An anger, a malevolence so great that it’s intent on taking a life if needs be to prove a point. A car, tyres speed fast, I recognise it, the driver, I know her, but I can’t see her face clearly. No, the car speeds forwards, and I watch on helpless in my dream as it hits one of the people enjoying their evening out. Everything blurs except for the pain of a broken body hitting the ground and a life fading. A life I should be there to take because it’s what I do. But I don’t want to take this one. I want to save it. Why? What is this person to me? I look to my left, and the shadow I sent to watch over Juniper is standing there.