Hot dogs with Pixie. No school bells. No adults telling us what to do or disappointing us with what they wouldn’t do or did do. It was the exact place where I wanted to be.
Chapter 16
Pixie Rae
GAZE HAD MUSTARD on his chin, so I wiped it off with my napkin. It was one of our rules. No food on the face, no bats in the cave (boogers in nostrils), and no stuff in the teeth. We made that pact and had to keep it. We were honor bound to help each other out. We’d even pinkie bet on it.
Gaze and I kicked our feet, using the rubber in the soles of our shoes to bounce our sneakered feet off the rock wall that lined the park. We were hanging outside together more and more. He didn’t want to be home, and I couldn’t stand mine. I was getting a giant chip on my shoulder because I had so much animosity toward this man who took my mother away from me. I mean, sure Mom was still here, but it was like he had a second sense when she and I were having a conversation. He’d even barge into conversations that he’d know nothing about, like when I’d try to talk to Mom about the vacations we’d planned.
He didn’t have a job as far as I could tell, though he was on his phone a lot. He’d talk about doing deals and making arrangements, but he never was specific about what it involved. And he certainly wasn’t adding to our budget.
But Mom acted like she was my older sister instead of my mom when she was with him. All giddy and giggly. My gut hated him. The way he walked, the way he chewed, the way he always seemed to have his hand down his pants. I overheard a few neighbors talking about how he was good-looking, but a blow hard—whatever that meant.
I think I was still stunned. I didn’t think marriage was an option for Mom. We had so much to do. We were both pretty business-minded making ends meet. Or at least I was.
I was locking my door at night. And I also tossed a towel on the door gap so Bic wouldn’t make fun of me for leaving my light on. But I had to. Because I felt alone. Except for Gaze.
I was out of the planning and budget talk that I used to be involved in with Mom. She claimed that Bic was part genius, but I couldn’t really nail down which part that was. Gaze had said Bic probably had a genius asshole. Gaze was the best. But Bic didn’t always flush, so I knew nothing magical was happening in that department. And he threw his wet towels over furniture anywhere in the apartment.
I had a long list, and it was getting longer by the day, but the worst was the sensation I couldn’t put a finger on or name. That he was just wrong. Wrong for my mom. Wrong for our apartment. Impending doom. I couldn’t share my thoughts with Mom; she wouldn’t understand.
School would be good. For a nice chunk of the day I had to be somewhere else. Mom had mentioned a business trip to Las Vegas, which Bic was dead set on being included. So on my third day of seventh grade, they would be leaving for two weeks.
Which was fine. Half a month. I could do a half of a month. She claimed that Bic would pay our bills on his phone to save me the time of putting the checks in the mail.
“Let her be a kid, Tracy. I’ll make sure everything is good. I’m taking care of my ladies.” And then he gave me a big, condescending wink.
I didn’t like it. I wanted to know what was going where, but I was overruled. So instead of mailing the bills, I was going to be by myself for two weeks. Being a kid. I was eye rolling and giving hidden middle fingers a lot lately.
I had Gaze. He was always just a bubble gun away. We weren’t playing as much ball as we had with the wooden plank, because the metal ramp made a racket. His neighbors had complained one too many times, and it made Gaze and me worry that someone would get interested in taking the ramp down.
The plank in the past had just been an accepted reality. Funny how people stopped seeing things if they became part of their everyday background.
I’d picked out my first day of school outfit by myself, which was okay because in seventh grade you didn’t show your mom your outfit. It didn’t matter if the picture frame with each year’s first day of school documented had a few missing years. And the tradition I’d tried to start in elementary school with Mom never really stuck.
I asked Gaze to show me what he was wearing the night before.
He shrugged and pointed at the t-shirt and shorts he was currently wearing. “This. If it doesn’t stink and I don’t get any food on it.”
Boys.
“So what are we doing for our last day of summer? Let’s make a sand bucket list!” I leaned on my windowsill and looked around the alley. Fat Asshole was doing well. He was currently bobbing for snacks in the dumpster.
“Okay, I’ll pick two things and you pick two things.” I held up four fingers to illustrate.
“All right. I want to play basketball and get a hot dog.” He held up two fingers.
“I’d pick the hydrant, but Tocks told me that he had to watch it because the fire department was getting pissed. So, I’ll say ice cream and sitting by the river for sunset.” I pulled my fingers back into a fist before finger combing my hair into a ponytail and slipping the band I had on my wrist over it until it was secure. “Let’s go.”
Gaze nodded, and when I turned around, I walked into my hallway and straight into Bic’s stomach. It was damp with sweat. He grabbed my shoulders. “Hey. Hey. Hey! Where are you going this early?”
I tried to take a step back, but he held fast. “I was going to leave Mom a note. I’m going outside.”
He leaned down to look me in my face, all my alarm bells ringing. He was too close. Too close to my personal space, too close to my face.
It was like he could hear those bells and held on just a moment longer than he should’ve before letting go. “Don’t feel like you can’t tell me stuff, Pixie Bixie. I’m your dad now. Keep me in the loop. You’re allowed to go, though. I’ll make it okay with your mom.” Then he winked. The motion highlighted the red veins in that eye that looked like it had been recently hit.
“Permission? You’re giving me permission?” I took the step back that my whole body was craving.
“Yes. And you better get moving before I change my mind.” He scratched his stomach, lifting up the t-shirt a little to reveal a hairy belly.
I winced. I turned around and didn’t say anything else. He didn’t make any sense at all. I pounded down the five flights of stairs to find Gaze waiting for me.
“What’s up? You stop and take a nap or something?”
I started walking quickly toward the park, Gaze hurrying to follow. “Nope. Had to wait while Bic decided whether or not he was giving me permission first.”
I looked to my left to see what Gaze thought. He stopped in his tracks.
“What the hell? Your mom leaves you alone all the time. Why would Bic have any say in what you do?”
I felt the stare before I knew it was boring into me. I turned at the waist to look up to my window, so easy to find thanks to the ramp. And sure enough, Bic was leaning out my window watching us.
I tried to review what Gaze and I had said and figure out the physics about if our voices carried.
Gaze followed my gaze before muttering, “Shit.”
“Watch your language, kid.” Bic sneered at us.
And with that, he answered my question. He’d heard us just fine. I pulled on Gaze’s elbow to make him walk with me.