In my last class of the day, I had a math teacher that was cool as hell. Once we were done with the problems, we could just relax. He played classical music and it was super nice. I let my mind wander about my dad. He was getting worse. Getting to be the worst, maybe. I didn’t think he was working anymore. And he was hitting the bottle. I wasn’t sure what would be next for us.
Seeing Pixie waiting for me on the stairs sent happiness shooting through me. I was still her favorite. I realized now that she had so many people around her how important the label of best friend was. I was her something special.
She smiled at the person she was talking to after she saw me and held up her finger to interrupt them. “How was your first day?”
“Fine.” I came up to her and her group. She told them all goodbye and I did the same. She looped her arm in mine and we headed in the direction of home.
“Did you get homework?” She adjusted her backpack strap.
“Yeah, but I did it in class. Math is going to have homework every night. But it’s easy.” I pushed her gently so we could navigate around the lightpost.
“So says you. Math hates me almost as much as I hate it.” We reached the crosswalk and waited for the signal to change from the red hand to the little white man.
“Nah. You did plenty of math when you did the bills for your mom.”
“Yeah, I guess. You ready to face your dad today?”
I wasn’t, but there weren’t a lot of choices. “He might be gone. Sometimes he does that for a while after he gets mad like that.” Truth. She knew it all, so I could talk to her like I was talking to myself.
“Do you know why he was so mad?” We stepped into the crosswalk and had to unlock arms to pass some slow moving elderly people.
When we were back together, I saw she was waiting for a response. “I’m thinking it was about money, in general. Having enough and all. Drinking costs money. Getting high isn’t free.”
“Yeah. That makes sense. Does he do the bills?”
“Sometimes.” I looked at the sky. Things felt unstable, uncertain.
“Can you get the bills? We can look at them and see what you guys are up against, if you don’t mind. Like you said, I have experience. Not that I’m using it now because Bic is taking care of us.” She rolled her eyes.
“He usually drops the mail off by the door. I could get it there.” I wasn’t sure what two twelve year olds could do about our bills, but she seemed confident.
“Has he been to the mailbox? Do you have the key to that? Sometimes people avoid checking the mail when things get rough.” We went across the last street before our buildings.
“I could look for it. It should be on his keychain.” We stood outside of her building.
“You ready to face Bic?” I motioned up to the fifth floor of her building with my thumb.
“How many choices do I have?” She shrugged her shoulders.
“Let’s go to the park.” I hitched my thumb in the direction of the swings.
“Okay. I’m down.”
I was thrilled when her eyebrows went from puzzled to relaxed.
When we got to the park, it was pretty much empty. It was far too hot for the kids on the playgrounds out in the full sun. Pixie put her backpack on the table and I stuffed my few things inside. I had syllabi from various classes and a pencil I’d borrowed from Pix.
The empty, motionless swings were inviting. I took one and Pixie took the other. Instinctively, we both pushed back and started pumping our legs. The scent of the hot asphalt and the sound of ambulances in the distance were starting to be home more than the country ever was before. I felt a pit in my stomach thinking of Dad’s inability to hold jobs. I wanted to stay here.
With Pixie.
Chapter 20
Pixie Rae
I WASN’T SURE how much trouble I’d be in for having Gaze sleep over last night. In the past, when it was just Mom, I could have explained it to her and she would have understood. But Bic had a way to make everything about him and his opinions. I gritted my teeth together and moved my legs harder. I looked over my shoulder at Gaze. He was back and I was forth. We crossed in the middle and he stuck his tongue out at me. I was thankful for him because I was feeling alone even when Mom was home, but with Gaze, I always had someone.
After we were done swinging, we walked past Tapps and saw his father inside.
“We can go to my place for a little bit. He looks pretty sober, so he will be there a while.” Gaze pulled his keys out of his pocket.
When we got upstairs, Gaze immediately started cleaning up empty bottles. I stood near the table by the front door and saw a stack of mail. “You want me to go through this?”
Gaze ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah. I guess it makes sense. I’ll see if I can check the mail downstairs.”
He helped me with the math of it all and I showed him the due dates and the amounts. It was a lot when we were done. He had a total and due dates listed on another page.
“You better get home, because it’s been long enough.”
Left unsaid was that Gaze was waiting for a time bomb. I gave him a pile of concerns on top of the one that had to be at the forefront of his mind.
“Yeah.” I gave him a spontaneous hug. “I’ll be right there across the way.”
I dawdled on my way home. Kicked a few cans. Watched Fat Asshole and his buddies plucking at the trash in the alley. The soaring feeling of Mom being home had a dimmer switch now. Different. Unwelcome.
I went home anyway.
_______________
Mom had told me of her and Bic’s plans to go to Vegas. I was seriously doubting any of it was a good idea, but I wasn’t going to volunteer to be left alone with Bic. I met Gaze outside for school and visually checked him for new injuries. He had nothing that I could see, so I was hoping the quiet outside my room’s window meant that he had an easy night.
We started our walk and he cleared his throat twice before speaking. “I looked at the sheet we made a few times. And I think I have a plan.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure what he was going to suggest, but I was super interested in keeping him in his apartment, so I’d help if I could.
“I want to go to see my mother’s family this Saturday. I’m going to ask them to give Dad and me the money to live in the apartment.” He nodded with his words like he needed to reassure himself.
“Your mom that’s passed away?” I heard discouragement in my voice, so I followed it up with something more inspiring, “That’s probably a solid idea.”
“I never met her, and Dad doesn’t like to talk about her, but he goes on about how rich the family is and how they hate us. So there’s that.” He rubbed his palm on his knee while we waited for the walk sign at the crosswalk.
“How are you going to get there? Do you know where they live?” I nudged him when it was time to move.
“Well, her old high school sent an invitation to send money to some alumni thing, and they had her previous address on it. So I was thinking of taking the train there.” He glanced at me quickly.
“Mom and Bic-hole will be in Vegas, so I could maybe come with you if the tickets aren’t that expensive. If you want. No pressure.”
Relief washed over his face. “That would be great. I think it’s a pretty long train ride from what I saw on the map Dad has.”