It’s so…impersonal.
I get the text and take a deep breath. Lee is out of town on another business trip, which means she won’t be there to worry about any lash marks when I return home.
I make my way from the apartment to Axel’s car and slip into the passenger seat.
He glances over at me with an appreciative smile. “You look perfect.”
I smile, feeling a blush creeping over my cheeks. “Thank you.”
He turns onto the main road leading to the club, and my earlier fears return.
“Axel?”
“Hmm?”
“Is…there a reason you don’t practice this at home?”
He pulls up to a stoplight and glances over at me. “At home?”
I recognize his expression as he makes when he’s surprised by a question.
I nod and look to where I’ve clasped my hands in my lap. “It’s just, I’ve looked into this a bit, and many people have areas in their home for it.”
The light turns green, and he starts driving again. “I guess. I’ve never much thought about it. What happens at the club happens at the club, and it’s separate from the rest of my life. I don’t have to worry about things getting messy.”
Somehow, the words make me want to cry. I’ve never been to his home, and his response makes it clear I never will. I’m part of Axel’s dirty little secret. I’m the woman who allows him to tie her up for a good fuck, but one day, he’ll have to settle down with a respectable woman. One who will fit into his picture-perfect entrepreneur persona.
“Are you okay?” Axel asks after several minutes of silence.
I look out the window at the passing streetlights. “Yeah.”
Axel parks and reaches across the center console. His fingers dance up my arm until they rest on my chin. Only the slightest pressure is needed to draw me into a kiss, and, despite my fears, I melt into it.
I’m terrified of the pain and that I’m nothing more than a temporary arrangement for Axel. But I want him. I love him, and if this is who I need to be, then this is who I will become.
“Ready?” Axel asks.
“Yes, sir.”
He nods, steps out of the car, and rounds it. He offers me his arm before guiding me inside and to our regular table. A drink appears while I’m still lost in thought, and I take a sip without thinking.
“Harper?”
I glance up to see the concern in Axel’s eyes.
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes, sir.”
“Then, let’s discuss the scene.”
“Okay.”
“We’ll start simple. You’ll strip for me, then I’ll blindfold you. I know you’re scared of the whip, so we’ll work up to it. We’ll go with things you’re used to until you’re comfortable, and because you’ll be blindfolded, you won’t know when I’ll use the whip. That should help you enjoy it rather than fear it. Sex will be decided once I’m done with the whip. If it looks like you’ve had too much, it won’t happen.”
I nod. His plan makes sense. “Understood, sir.”
I like the flogger, which is similar to a smaller whip. Maybe if I don’t see it coming, I’ll like the stronger lash as well.
He reaches out and rests his hand over mine. “Do you want to use your colors again?” he asks, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand.
The touch grounds me, and I nod. “Yes.”
“Good. Finish your drink, and we’ll head back.”
I take another sip and realize I don’t feel the burn of alcohol. I blink at the drink, then turn to Axel. “Sir?” I ask, motioning to the glass.
He smiles. “I don’t want alcohol to get in your way tonight. It can numb things, but you’re already scared. I don’t want it affecting your decisions.”
I feel a flash of annoyance because whether I drink or not is my decision. But after a moment of thought, I realize that it makes sense. If my reactions are slowed because I allow myself to get buzzed, then I will not be able to give Axel reliable feedback.
I nod. “Understood.”
“Good.”
I finish the drink, my fingers shaking as the thought of what’s to come sweeps over me. Then Axel’s arm is around my waist, grounding me. I can trust him. Everything he’s done has always been considerate. I even notice when he purposefully bypasses our former room, the one where we saw his other submissive, even though the door is open and it’s empty.
He wants me to be comfortable, and I start to relax.
I can do this.
The now-familiar feeling starts to wash over me. All I need to do is obey. The pain becomes pleasure, and Axel takes me places I never expected.
His hand cups the side of my face as he brings me in for a kiss. “Color.”
“Green,” I reply. Obeying him is as natural as breathing now.
“Let me see you.”
“Yes, sir.”
I make a show of removing my clothes, just the way I learned he likes. I rest my hand on his arm to remove one shoe, then the other. I tease as I shimmy out of my thong, never letting him see my mound. Then I turn to loosen the back of my dress, holding it with one arm while it falls loose around my shoulders. Finally, I face him, seeing his eyes dark with desire.
My dominant wants to see me.
I move the arm holding my dress, feeling the drapes of fabric along my skin as it falls, pooling on the floor. Axel evaluates me, eyes traveling from my head to my feet and back. I am bare before him, a blank canvas upon which he creates the most intense experiences. I am his. After tonight, my skin will show the marks of his handiwork, and I will feel more than just the lingering tingle of his touch. It makes me shiver.
“Come.”
I step from the circle of my dress and approach, eyes cast down in deference. I only stop when I see the toes of his shoes in my line of sight. Axel closes the distance and lifts my chin. His thumb brushes my lips, and I want to kiss him, but he is in control. I am only kissed when he desires it.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs, and I can see both concern and uncertainty in his eyes. “Down.”
Without a word, I drop to my knees.
“Show me your wrists.”
I hold my hands up to him, wrists together, and watch as he secures a cuff to each. Once he’s satisfied, he lifts and latches them to a chain dangling from the ceiling, keeping my back straight for him.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs. “Just like that.”
His fingers dance down the side of one arm, making me shiver. I am his, ready and eager for his touch. He teases me with the silk of the blindfold, draping it over my shoulder so that the ends rest on one breast, then drawing it across my skin until I have goosebumps. It’s part of the game, waking my body to his every touch so that the experience is more intense.
“Close your eyes.”
“Yes, sir,” I reply, my eyes closing on command. Then, I hear the whisper of silk before it’s pulled across my face and tied behind my head.
I’m at his mercy, and it feels good, right. I relax as he starts slowly, sometimes making me whimper with the need for a firmer touch when the feathers of the tickler dance across my skin. Other times I moan in desire, the sting of the flogger tingling through me.
Axel takes his time, and in my position, my focus is pulled to each new area of sensation until I’m floating, existing in a world of feeling and obedience. Every nerve is alight with anticipation and desire. If he ordered me to come from just a touch, I would.