“I had to take a fucking piss! I told her I was going to be right back!”
“Back to what? Look at it from her side. She had to use her safeword! What would you be going back to?”
“To her!”
“To Harper? Or to a submissive who couldn’t do as ordered?”
Declan turns away from me without waiting for an answer. He takes a deep drink.
“Fuck you.”
Declan sighs. “Let her go. Now, before you do any more damage.”
I want to hit him. How dare he come here and tell me all the things he thinks I’m doing wrong? I’m ready to argue with him, then I feel eyes on me. I glance around and see several people staring. I squeeze my fists several times to get my emotions under control. He’d accused me of not tending to my submissive after a drop, which, in a club like this, is a serious charge.
I’d sat with her. I held her while she cried. She was in pain. How was I supposed to know she’d dropped? Who is he to tell me who I can be with?
I blow out a breath and take a stool next to him.
“I don’t want to have to keep following your sorry ass here,” Declan says, staring at the opposite wall. “Do us both a favor and go back to one of your regular submissives.”
“Why are you always here if you hate this world so much?” I demand.
“It’s not like you give me much choice,” Declan replies before his eyes flick to the bartender, a stunning brunette, who I’ve noticed on several occasions.
She notices me looking and flips me off before turning to another patron.
“Do you know her?” I ask.
“Nope,” Declan replies, taking a deep pull from his beer.
I’m too exhausted to argue, emotions warring inside as the realization that I might have missed a drop spread through me. I slip from the stool and take a step through the door.
“Axel?”
I stop but don’t turn back to him. “Yeah?”
“Don’t bother coming in tomorrow.”
I walk away without responding.
21
Harper
Tear trails run down my face from where I cried in my sleep, and there are fifteen text messages from Axel on my phone. That’s in addition to the dozen times he called before I went to bed. I don’t know what I’m going to do about him. I don’t want to end things, but I don’t know how I can be what he needs, either. What I need is time—time to become better as a submissive and time to know what to say to him.
I still love Axel West, but last night proved that I’m not ready to be with him. Not yet. I’ll try harder. I’ll work up to the pain. I don’t know how, but it’s my only choice if I want to be with him. There’s only a dull sting as I pull on my blouse, but it’s a reminder of my failure. Each time I move and feel the drag of fabric over the fading marks, I remember that I couldn’t take it.
My breath shudders out of me as I make my way to my car.
I’m glad Lee is still away on her business trip. I don’t know what she would say if she saw me like this, but it probably wouldn’t be good. Before she left, she’d tried to tell me that I’m not like Axel’s other submissives and that I shouldn’t go past my own boundaries in an attempt to compete. Maybe I should have listened. I know she would be disappointed to see me now.
I don’t see Axel’s car when I pull into the lot at work, and a flash of relief goes through me. I’m not ready to face him, and it would be hard to create an excuse to avoid him if he came up to my desk or called me to his office.
My relief is short-lived, however. It’s only a few minutes past eight when Declan appears at the door to his office and calls me in.
He knows.
I was trying to escape the club, but I remember seeing somebody who looked like him. Now I’m sure. He was there, and if he was there, he probably talked to Axel about how much of a disappointment I am. Since he was already unhappy about our relationship, this is the end. He wants to cut me off before the interactions between Axel and me become toxic.
My thoughts drift to my dad as I make my way to Declan’s office. He and Lauren have been relying on the extra money I’ve been sending, most of theirs going into medical treatments. Would I be able to get another job quickly? Can I even ask Declan for a recommendation so that I can hope to at least get close to the same pay?
I screwed up my whole life, all because I fell for Axel.
I’m shaking by the time I take a seat across from Declan. The hammer is about to fall, and I hope he doesn’t try to drag out the process. We sit in silence for several minutes before I can’t take it any longer.
“Just get it over with,” I say softly.
“What do you think is going to happen?”
“I’m going to be fired.”
Declan sighs. “No, but you’ve been under a lot of stress recently, and what happened last night was a serious lack of judgment on your part.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, my fear starting to turn to anger.
What do decisions made off the clock matter?
“I’m not going to ask about everything that happened,” he says. “And Axel didn’t tell me much. But it’s obvious that you allowed intimidation to get to you. That’s a dangerous thing in this line of work. Some clients smell weakness, and if they think they can get extra from you, they will latch on and not give up. They’ll eat you alive.”
“It wasn't a weakness!” I protest. “I made a choice.”
“A choice you weren’t ready for,” he retorts. He leans back in his chair and sighs. “I’m not going to pretend to know how you are as a submissive, but I’ve seen Axel in action enough times to know how he is as a dominant. He has certain tastes, and rather than stand up for yourself and set firm boundaries, you folded. You thought your only choice was to give him what he wanted. But respecting yourself is part of the process, both here…and there. Here you respect your time and the efforts of your coworkers. That self-respect keeps clients from demanding too much because you’ll realize that they’re making you do too much for too little. At that club, respecting your boundaries gives you the freedom to enjoy yourself.”
Declan stands, walks to the window behind his desk, and stares out of it for a couple minutes before turning back to me. “Harper, how can I trust you to keep the best interests of yourself, your coworkers, and this company in mind if you fold so easily on how much pain you’re willing to take in the name of sexual pleasure? You convinced yourself that you would enjoy that level of pain because you wanted to please somebody else. You didn’t take your own needs into account, and I can’t have somebody like that on my team.”
My fingernails curled into my palm. It was my choice. I decided to give Axel permission to use the whip. He hadn’t badgered me into it.
Declan sits again. “I’m not firing you, but I am going to insist that you take a leave of absence. I want you to consider your position within this company and decide if you have what it takes to stand up to unreasonable demands from clients. I’ll continue to pay you since I know you’re dealing with family issues right now. But I don’t want to see you back here until you know if you can handle it or not. Am I clear?”