I hear the crack of the whip just as blinding pain lances across my back, and I scream. I’m no longer floating. My attention is on the throbbing skin. I hear a second crack, and another lash lands lower on the other side.
The pain is so much more intense than anything I’ve felt so far, and I can’t help it as I start sobbing from it. All the work Axel did awakening my body seems to backfire, and instead of the sting dwindling to pleasure, all I feel is agony.
I’m tense, expecting the next lash. Instead, Axel’s fingers run along the first mark, and I wail. The heat of his skin is like fire on the mark.
“Gorgeous,” he purrs as his fingers walk up to my shoulder. “You wear it so well.”
I can take this. Just like the flogger. Once I’m used to it, I’ll like it.
Axel switches to the tickler, dancing it between the marks, but I barely feel it. The pain radiating from the lashes is too much. A third lash lands on my skin, then a fourth. I just want it to stop, but I don’t want to disappoint Axel.
Another crack and it feels like a wound opened up along my back.
“Red!” I scream.
I can’t. It’s too much. There’s no pleasure, not for me. All I feel is pain. Silence fills the room for several seconds, then the blindfold is removed, and Axel looks down at me.
He’s concerned, but all I can see is the disappointment. I can’t be what he needs, and he sees it.
“Give me just a moment to release you,” he says.
I nod, tears streaming down my face. My back is on fire, and I expect to feel the warmth of blood running down my skin.
“Am I bleeding?” I blurt out.
Axel looks at me, frowning. “No. Your skin is red, but not broken.”
For just a moment, I wonder if he’s telling the truth, and that hurts more than the disappointment in his eyes. In those seconds, I didn’t trust his word. Could I ever be a good submissive if I couldn’t even trust him on such a simple thing?
I’m still sobbing, the marks on my back stinging as Axel releases my wrists, and I crumple.
“Harper,” he says softly, resting a hand on my unblemished shoulder.
I can’t stop sobbing. Every lash mark stings, but the pain in my heart is almost worse. I’m not a good submissive, and I’ll have to give Axel up. He deserves somebody better than me.
I feel arms moving me, then I’m lifted, cradled against his chest. He carries me over to the couch, then he sits, holding me in his arms.
My fingers curl into his shirt as the dam holding back my emotions breaks. I cry and cry. Everything…it was all for nothing. Axel would find another submissive, one who could take the whip.
I can’t be what he needs, and because of that, I’m going to lose him.
20
Axel
I don’t know how long Harper has been in my arms, sobbing against my shirt. I asked her if she was okay, but it only made her cry more, so instead, I resorted to rubbing her arms and any place that wasn’t reddened by the whip.
But, of course, my dick has to make itself known, and since it hadn’t ended up inside Harper, it decides that I have to piss. I force the need aside for as long as possible, but she’s still sobbing against me, and if I don’t go to the restroom, it’ll end up all over her.
“Harper?”
She hiccups, still clinging to me.
I kiss her hair, feeling a twinge of guilt.
I should have checked in after the first lash. I made a mistake and pushed too far.
“Harper. Can you look at me, please?”
She turns her face up, and my heart breaks at the red in her eyes and the way her makeup streaks down her cheeks. I did that to her, and it doesn’t feel good.
“I need to go to the restroom,” I say softly. “I’ll be right back. Okay?”
Her hands are shaking as she releases my shirt, but she moves without a word.
I run my fingers along the side of her face. “I’ll be right back.”
She nods.
I give her one more glance as I slip from the room and rush to the restroom. I’ve never had a submissive react like that before. The pain should have faded a long time ago, but she was still crying as if the marks were fresh. I hadn’t hit her any harder than any of my other submissives, and I’m starting to wonder if she’s just more sensitive to the sting.
I’m walking out of the restroom when I see a flash of blond and a hint of blue-green fabric. A stone settles in the pit of my stomach, and I rush to the room. I’d told Harper to wait for me, but that looked a lot like what she wore to the club.
“Harper,” I say breathlessly as I open the door. But the room is empty, and her clothes are gone.
“Shit!” I turn and run to the bar. I don’t know why she left. Hopefully, it was just to get something to drink, but with the way she’d been crying, I doubt her leaving is a good thing.
I burst through the door to the bar, which has emptied some as people made their way to the rooms beyond. I scan the room, but I don’t see her. One person I do see, though, is Declan, and he looks angry. Our eyes meet, and I walk over with a sigh.
“Have you seen Harper?” I ask, his glare boring into me.
“She’s gone,” he replies.
“Where’d she go?”
His eyes narrow. “Home, I hope. I saw her get into a cab, sobbing. What the hell happened?”
I cross my arms at his combative attitude. “What does it matter?”
Declan scowls. “It matters because one of my most promising employees just ran from here in tears, and I know she was with you.”
I huff out a breath. “Fine. Nothing happened. She just wasn’t prepared for the whip, and it hurt her more than she expected.”
“You fucking asshole!”
“What did I do?” I demand.
“You hurt her!”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, though you should have since you’ve been here so much lately—yeah, I’ve seen you hanging around since you saw me with Harper—but whips hurt. She knew I was going to do it and agreed to it beforehand. I didn’t do anything she didn’t consent to.”
Declan’s hands curl into fists at his sides. “If you really think that was the problem, then you’re an even bigger idiot than I thought. As to me being here, you really left me no choice.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I nearly shout.
“It means she isn’t like your other submissives! This world isn’t a light switch that she can turn on and off on a whim. You need to let her go. If you don’t, you’re going to crush her.”
“She just couldn’t take the whip!” I argue. “She gave the safe word, and I stopped. What more do you want from me?”
“She fucking dropped!” Declan shouts. “She dropped, and you let her run out of here alone.”
The bar goes silent, and all eyes are on us.
“What?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Harper dropped,” Declan growls.
“What do you know about drops?” I challenge him.
“Enough to know the signs, especially with what you told me. You’ve been bringing her here a lot, but this was the first time you used the whip on her. You’ve also been avoiding her the past several days. She didn’t want the whip, and she never did. She did it for you! Then what happens? She safewords out and is in pain, and you’re where? Looking for the next person to lash?”