I’ve always been equally attracted to his intelligent mind, his kind heart, and his spiritual soul.
When I lost him, it was akin to losing half of myself. I have never found another soul on this planet I connect to in the way I connect to Theo. We could sit and talk for hours, about everything and anything, and he understands me on a level no one else does. I used to think it was the same for him, but the way he cut me so efficiently from his life seemed to confirm that bond was more one-sided than I’d thought. And that hurt so fucking much.
Theo kneels in front of the fireplace, tossing some logs in before setting it alight. I watch him work, silently admiring the steadiness he brings just by his presence. He stands and walks toward me as flames lick the walls of the fireplace, casting faint shadows across the room.
Outside, nightfall is creeping across the skyline, adding to the overall surreal quality of the moment.
I never thought Theo and I would ever recover what we’ve lost, and now, we’re on the cusp of a second chance.
Theo sits at the other end of the couch, adopting my pose, and the tips of our toes meet in the middle.
“Who goes first?” I ask, handing him a beer.
“Me.” There is no hesitation in his voice. Our fingers brush when he takes the bottle from me, sending a rush of fiery tingles shooting up my arm. “I’m the one who fucked up, so I’m the one who needs to explain.”
CHAPTER 20
Theo
“TO THIS DAY, I still don’t know how my father found out your father was mixed up with The Sainthood,” I say, pausing to taste my beer. “He went ballistic.” I remember it as vividly as if it was yesterday. “You know how he likes to be in control and how everything is legit and aboveboard. When he discovered his lawyer was on The Sainthood’s payroll, he damn near had a coronary.” My father gives anal retentive new meaning.
“I didn’t know why our parents had fallen out,” Lo says, tossing her long dark hair over her shoulder. “And it only added to my confusion.”
“I only discovered the truth because I eavesdropped on my parents arguing the night before that horrible Thanksgiving dinner,” I admit. My parents had still gone ahead with the dinner, only because my father wanted to confront Trey Westbrook face to face. Naturally, the dinner was cut short after my father leveled his accusation at Lo’s father. I had taken Lo to my room the minute they arrived, wanting to shield her from the argument I knew was about to go down.
“I wish you’d told me.” She stares me straight in the eye. One thing I admire about Lo is her direct approach. She wasn’t always like that. At least not, in the beginning, when she was broken and scared to trust anyone. But as we grew closer, she opened up to me the same way I opened up to her.
“I wasn’t sure it was the full truth, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“But you ended up doing that anyway.” She pulls her legs in to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “Why did you break up with me, Theo? We still could’ve found a way to be together.”
“At first, it was because my father put me under pressure to do it. He threatened to pull my college fund if I didn’t cut all ties with you.”
She snorts. “And I used to think it was your mother who didn’t like me.”
I rub my hand across my stomach. “Mom liked you well enough. She just wanted me to marry into old wealth. To find a sweet, wholesome girl from a well-established family.”
She shakes her head. “It’s so ridiculous. You were fourteen, fifteen, and she was already trying to map your whole life out.”
Pain pierces me in the chest. “I know, but it’s how she was brought up. Mom’s family is one of the oldest in the state, and she grew up in this monstrous mansion being courted from a young age. The most ironic thing is, she eloped with my dad when she got pregnant with me.”
“I never knew that,” Lo says, swigging from her beer. “What a hypocrite.”
“Her parents still berate her for the choices she made,” I admit.
“Your father owns a multimillion-dollar medical supplies company, and he has provided adequately for his family. What the hell is wrong with these people?”
“It’s nuts, and I gave up trying to understand it a long time ago. All I knew is, Mom was trying to make amends with her parents through me.” I rip the corner off the label of my beer. “They would all freak the fuck out if they knew the truth.”
She scoots forward on her knees, moving closer to me. “They still don’t know?”
I shake my head. “I severed ties with my family the day I became a member of The Sainthood. Dad threw me out of the house.”
“What?” Shock splays across her face. “You don’t talk to them?”
“Nope. I meet Ria on the down low, but the twins are too young. I doubt they even remember me.” My younger sisters are only six, and I’ve been estranged from my family for two and a half years. My sister Ria is the only one I speak to on the regular. She’s fifteen, and we were close growing up.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Lo tilts her head to the side, scrutinizing my face.
“He threatened to disown me, but I never thought he’d actually do it for joining the Saints.” I rip another corner off the label. “Not that it really matters. We both know it was gonna happen sometime, anyway.”
“Is that why you did it? It was an easier pill to swallow if he disowned you for being a member of the Saints?” Her knee brushes against my leg, and warmth invades my bones.
“I wanted to take back control. I was sick of my parents dictating what I could and couldn’t do. After they forced me to break things off with you, I swore that was the last time they were interfering in my life. I’d met the guys at this point, but my parents weren’t aware of our friendship. I already knew they wouldn’t approve. Saint was eager for me to join his crew, but I’d been resisting. After our relationship ended, I felt lost.” Taking a risk, I reach out, threading my fingers through hers, delighted when she doesn’t resist, curling her fingers around mine tightly.
“Me too,” she whispers. “I never knew the heart could hurt so much. I thought I’d protected myself, learned to block out my emotions, but the heartbreak I felt when you shut me out proved I was wrong. And I felt like such an idiot, because it wasn’t even real. Trust me to catch feelings for the guy I was in a fake relationship with. A guy who would never, could never, reciprocate.”
“You’re wrong, Lo.” I put my beer down and lift her on my lap. “It might have started out fake, as a means to an end for both of us, but it was the most real thing I’ve ever known.”
Placing her hands on my shoulders, she peers into my face, frowning. “What are you saying, Theo?”
“It was real, Lo. Everything we shared.” I press my lips to her smooth cheek. “It was too late when I realized the truth. I had already cut you loose and ruined everything, and I believed you were better off without me, because there was a part of me that always felt wrong about it. That felt like I used you.”
“I didn’t do anything with you I didn’t want to,” she says, running her fingers through my hair. “I felt guilty,” she adds in a soft whisper. “Because I fell in love with you and you’d made it very clear from the beginning you could never love me.”