“I don’t freeze them,” I added. “I never have. I think it’s… I think it’s what I am.” I pulled away from Morana, giving her my back. “I search for something I will never find, for no one other than me can withstand Winter’s chill.” A pause fell between us, heavy and pregnant in its silence, at least until I added, “If that is not a curse, I do not know what is.”
I did not know why I told her what I did; she probably thought I was either lying or making it seem as if I was somehow the victim here. A victim of destiny, of circumstance. Morana had no reason to feel anything for my story, to look at me with such a mixed expression.
What did I want from this? I could not say. A part of me, I supposed, wanted Morana to choose me, in spite of the fate awaiting her if she remained here, if she married me. But at the same time, feeling the fire that I knew should belong to my brother radiate off her tanned flesh, I wanted her to choose what was right for her. Mortals had such short lives compared to gods; her entire life would be just a small drop in the bucket that was me.
Morana then did something I was not expecting, something that shocked me to my core: she walked around me and lifted a hand, tentatively placing it on my cheek. Her fingertips lightly ran down my skin, her thumb grazing over my cheekbone in a gesture that was emphatically too familiar, too gentle and loving. It was a touch unlike any other, unlike any other I’d ever felt.
Oh, they’d tried. How badly the others had tried to be what I wanted, sought to convince themselves they belonged here with me, even though they didn’t. It was true I’d never been overly kind to them, and that was a sin I paid for during the years I spent here alone, wishing I had someone else, but I was never outright cruel. I never harmed them, never laid a hand on them in a way anyone could take as angry. My words were the worst of me.
And the magic that seemed to be uncontrollable.
It was that same magic that would claim Morana, if she stayed here with me, if she chose not to leave.
“I cannot imagine to know what it’s like to be you,” she whispered, her hand still cupping my face, still stroking me in the way a lover would. I tried not to lean into her hand, not to close my eyes and breathe in her life, her warmth, but it was difficult. Morana was so very intoxicating; I doubted she knew the full extent of her womanly charm.
I think, in fact, I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted any of the others. Perhaps that was rude of me, to compare them all, but it was true, and that made me feel conflicted. Torn because I knew, with the intensity of my desire, she wouldn’t last. Winter would claim her, just as it had claimed the others. To see that fire in her eyes extinguished… I did not know if I could bear it.
“To be here, alone,” Morana went on, “wanting something—the one thing fate keeps taking from you.” Her hand dropped, and she took a step away from me, shaking her head once, the golden waves of her hair falling over her shoulders as she did so. “But what you’ve done, inadvertent as it was, is terrible. All those lives were not lived because of you, because you stole them from their homes and forced them to become your bride, something which, I bet, none of them wanted.”
Her words cut into me, not said meanly, but curt all the same. I could not deny a single thing she said, and yet I found myself wanting to, wanting to reach out for her hand and return it to my cheek, feel that warmth again.
“You wallow in who you are, in what you are, because you feel sorry for yourself,” Morana stated. “You are a god. You are what you make of yourself. You have power no human could ever dream of, and yet you act as if you have it the worst out of all of us. Am I supposed to pity you, Abner? Am I supposed to feel as sorry as you are? Tell me, for right now, I cannot imagine becoming your bride, knowing what you’ve done.”
I felt… I felt as if her words bruised me. Physically and mentally, like she’d taken a knife to me and hurt me where no weapon ever had before.
This conversation, I wanted it to be done. I needed time to think, to recuperate from the bluntness of her words, so I pulled back, putting even more space between us. “There is nothing more to say,” I muttered, hating myself for it. “I will see you in the morning.” I walked around her, my actions stunning her into silence.
Only for a few moments though, for after I’d walked down the hall, she called out after me, “Abner!” But I did not stop. Though her voice made my heart do something odd in my chest, I did not stop, did not dare to, for I knew if I did, I was liable to do either one of two things.
The first was to take her with me to my room, to feel her warmth touch every inch on my body, and the second? The second was to call my brother and let him take her out of here, save her from the misery that would drown her if she stayed here with me.
I sat in my room the rest of the night, not something I usually did, but I dared not walk around the castle anymore in fear I would find her. Or, I supposed, that she would find me. Morana had a habit of doing that, it seemed, which only served to make this harder.
As the hours whittled away and daybreak approached outside, I was lost in my own head. Everything Morana had said was true, I knew, things which I was already aware of, and yet that did not make hearing it from the mouth of another any easier. In fact, hearing it from the full lips of a beautiful future bride only made it worse.
I sat near the window, hunched over at my desk. Outside, the darkness that encompassed the land at night eased into a strangely bright dawn, the sun actually peeking out through the clouds—something that scarcely ever happened around here.
But then something shifted in the window’s reflection, and I knew why that was.
My brother was here, of course. Ishan had never strayed too far from the castle, not since Morana had been brought here. He’d never interfered before, for what I did was rightly none of his business, but this time? This time my bride was one of his favored humans, a human he decided he wanted.
A human he’d taken to the tallest tower in the castle and shown my darkest truth to, all in an attempt to dissuade her from this path.
“Brother,” I spoke to my reflection, refusing to turn around at first, the annoyance and anger too deep inside me, nestled too perfectly in my heart. I was upset with him for showing Morana my other brides, but at the same time, I knew I couldn’t blame him for doing what he did.
“You’ve spoken to Morana, then,” Ishan said, not attempting to move closer. He stood at least ten feet back, his strong arms held behind his back, as if he had to put all of his willpower in keeping himself off me. Like he wanted to wrestle me for the girl.
“I did.”
“She wanted to see you, after I showed her the others,” he went on. “Wanted to ask you about it. I don’t know why she needed to hear it from you. The truth was right in front of her eyes.” A pause before he added, “I offered to take her away right then and there, but she wanted to see you. I do not understand it.”
I said nothing, for what was there to say? The emotion was plain in my brother’s voice; he cared for this girl a great deal, having possibly cared for Morana her entire life. What was she to me? A new bride, someone I did not know existed until recently.
“All her life, she’s had my favor, and when given the chance to become my bride, she says she needs to speak with you.” Ishan shook his head. “I do not know how you inspired such loyalty from her in such a short time, but—”