“So, what?” she asked, cocking her head with defiance. “I’m supposed to leave with you, go to your castle and marry you instead?” Morana threw down the parchment, huffing herself up and staring me square in the eye. “I do not know what you think of me, Ishan, but it must not be flattering, for you to think I would just accept whatever fate you two have decided. I am not some pawn you two can push around!”
I said nothing, only blinking at her, unsure why she was so upset. Silence permeated the space between us, and I took my time in saying, “Tell me what you want, Morana, and I will give it to you.”
“I want—” She started to say something, but then she bit the inside of her cheek and looked away. Morana’s feet drew her to the window, the sun dancing across her tanned skin, illuminating it in a beautiful glow. When she stood in the sunlight, her yellow hair sparkled golden, the light in her eyes more blue than grey.
She was everything, truly. I did not know how my brother could ever give her up. I knew I never could.
“I don’t know what I want,” Morana whispered, tossing a look over her shoulder at me. “You and Abner talk a big talk. You’re gods, so of course you do. You’ve seen villages rise and fall, witnessed the wars we wage against each other. You’ve seen so much, so of course you both know what you want. You want me. You’ve watched over me for years now, blessed me with your glow, even during the winter months.
“You have known me for so much longer than Abner, and maybe that’s why you refuse to let me go, interfering here at every chance you can,” she went on. “And Abner? He’s the opposite. He thinks he knows what he wants—thinks he’s cursed to forever be in search of the one thing he’s always wanted: love. He had no idea how much he’d want me until he saw me. And now… what? He’s just giving me up, letting you take me like some trophy?”
Ah. I think I understood her indignation now. Morana thought she was nothing but a prize to be had, the spoils of a little war between godly brothers. She couldn’t have been further from the truth, though.
“You are not a trophy,” I said, gliding toward her, reaching for her, but she shook me off.
“I feel like one.”
I froze, not knowing what to say or what to do to make her feel differently. “Tell me what you want me to do, Morana. For you, I would move mountains.” Mountains, the world, anything and everything. All she had to do was name it, and I would spend the rest of my eternal life doing it.
Morana didn’t say anything for the longest time, and when she did, what she told me startled me. “One month,” she said. “Give me one month’s time, and then I’ll have an answer for you.”
I knew what she did not say: in one month, she would choose. Me, or Abner. One month she would spend, figuring things out while I waited for her, while Abner lost himself in his depression.
One month. I could do that.
Chapter Eight – Morana
After learning the truth, after I was told I could leave with Ishan and telling the Summer god I refused to, that I needed time—one month—I kept to myself for a few days. I did not spend my free time wandering around the castle, trying to discover whatever other secrets it held, for surely it held more, being as ancient as it was.
No, instead I moped around my room, alone, wondering what in all of the kingdom I was going to do, interrupted only by a knock on the door every so often to alert me that a food tray had been placed for me in the hall, left by Abner’s messenger. There was no way Abner would ever do something like that himself.
What Abner did was unforgivable in the highest degree; I truly did not know if I could ever get past the truth, that those poor girls had frozen to their deaths because they could not withstand the chill of Winter.
If they couldn’t withstand it, could I? It was true this castle was cold, the air inside it bitter and biting, but I was not bothered by it; it did not chill me to my core even if I got the shivers every once in a while.
All those girls… they could’ve been free to live their own lives instead of being stuck here forevermore, and that—that, I think, was what I was having the most trouble thinking about. The thing tripping me up each time my mind landed on their unfortunate fates. If Ishan never took me to that room in the tower, I never would’ve known. Abner would’ve kept them to himself, and then I would’ve turned to ice.
Right?
I would turn to ice too, just like those girls. I wasn’t special. I wasn’t anything they weren’t… but, I guess I was wrong there, for unlike those other girls, I had Ishan’s favor. Summer’s favor. That was something none of them had, so perhaps I would be able to handle it, would be able to survive a twenty-five-year marriage to Abner.
The question was, though, would I want to? Would I want to spend a good chunk of my life with him, knowing what he did? What he was capable of, even if he didn’t mean to? He might not have frozen them of his own accord, but the magic still gripped them. People didn’t just turn to ice randomly. Honestly, I wasn’t sure which was worse; those ex-wives spontaneously turning to ice or Abner doing it on purpose. Either option was scary in its own way.
As the days blurred into each other, as I lost myself in my thoughts, I often found myself thinking of Ishan, if going with him would truly be so awful. There was a spark between us, I could not deny it. It felt as if he was my Summer god, my other half.
But then what about Abner? Despite what he did, a pang of longing poked at my heart when I thought about leaving with Ishan and never seeing Abner again. I owed the Winter god nothing, I knew; it was not my responsibility to lessen the sorrow he felt or the loneliness resting in his soul, but a part of me still felt connected to him.
I spent a lot of time sighing to myself, asking myself what I was doing. Just make a decision. I could not remain here, in limbo, forever. Though it felt as if my heart and mind were torn, I knew I could not stand at both their sides.
I had to choose one. I had to pick a god. It was a problem no other girl in the kingdom had, I was sure, so I suppose I could not complain. I didn’t think fairytales would ever be told of me in the future, but surely whatever came of this would hopefully give Abner some pause before blindly choosing another girl to be his next bride in twenty-five years.
Hmm. The thought of Abner picking another girl was almost too much. If it meant he would never pick another again, I would choose him, if only to save the girls after me.
Alas, that was not how this worked, and that was why I was so torn. My body called out to Ishan and Abner in different ways. I had no idea what would come of this, what I would do when my month’s time was up. Being so indecisive was unlike me, but I supposed that’s what being around the gods did to you; they made you change, made you feel and think things you never imagined you would.
They were gods. We worshipped them, sure, but being in their presence, actually seeing them, hearing them, touching them—it was unlike anything I’d ever done before, and if I was honest with myself, I did not want to stop.
Maybe this whole thing was so hard for me because I wanted the one option I did not have. I wanted to keep them both, to make both Abner and Ishan happy. With Ishan’s favor, with his warm blessing, I doubted I would ever turn to ice, and I could help Abner forget his sorrows. I could let myself be swallowed up by Ishan any time the cold became too much, perhaps divide my time between them, somehow.