Too late, Grayson smelled the alcohol on Jacob’s breath. His insides shook with fear. He already knew there was no right answer in this situation. It was already too late for him to turn back. There was no escape.
With his final patient seen and his notes sent for the day, Finley gathered his things to go home. Home. Damn. He finally felt like he had one of those again since Grayson came to live with him. Grayson had only been there a week, and Finley already felt whole. He had their future all planned out in his head. Every day, he let joy win a little more. He felt better than he had in years.
Finley headed for the parking lot. He had a stop he wanted to make on the way home. When they had moved Grayson’s things from Silas’s, workers had been at Silas’ place building an adult-sized jungle gym in the backyard. Now that Finley had the idea in his head, he wanted to surprise Grayson with one too. He was excited to see what the company had to offer. Maybe he would also get a tree house built. The possibilities were endless.
As Finley slid behind the wheel of his car, his phone rang. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth when he saw Benji’s name. Between Benji rekindling his marriage and Finley falling in love with Grayson, they didn’t talk as much as they should. He missed his friend.
Finley started the car before answering the call so the Bluetooth would connect, and he could talk while he drove. “Hello?”
“Where are you right now?”
Finley’s smile fell. His brow furrowed. “I’m leaving the office. Why?”
“You need to head to the hospital. Something’s happened.”
Finley’s heart sped. “Are you okay? Did something happen to Silas?”
“It’s Grayson.”
Finley’s heart stopped for half a beat. “What about Grayson?”
“He went to see his brother to tell him about you. It didn’t end well. I don’t know how bad it is yet, but you need to get here. The nurse I just spoke to said he’s been moved to critical care, and that’s all they could tell me.”
Finley’s fingers went numb. “Okay. Yeah. I’m on my way.” He didn’t know how his voice still worked. Everything felt surreal and way too familiar. He had been leaving work when Coby had been moved to critical care. Finley hadn’t made it in time to say goodbye. He couldn’t do this twice in one lifetime.
Finley put the car in gear. The hospital was down the street from his office. It wouldn’t take him long to get there. His foot wouldn’t lift from the brake. Reality kept him frozen. He wasn’t meant to be happy. If ever the universe saw him smile too much, he lost the object of his happiness. That meant this was on him. His bad luck had captured Grayson and made him pay for loving Finley. The only way to save Grayson was to stay away. Maybe no one else would understand the insane way Finley immediately jumped to that decision, but Finley knew the truth. He was cursed. Loving Grayson had doomed him. Finley’s heart couldn’t take it. Something Benji asked him once came back to haunt him. He asked how Finley would feel if he knew Coby was alive and happy somewhere in the world, but would never be with Finley again. Finley had answered honestly. He could live with anything if Coby could be alive and happy. Finley could live with anything as long as Grayson was alive and happy. Grayson’s brother had done this awful thing because of Finley. Finley couldn’t live with that. If Grayson didn’t make it, that was on Finley. He needed to know Grayson was alive and happy. Otherwise, there was nothing good left in the world. Finley killed the engine and sat in silence while he tried making his thoughts less insane. They wouldn’t budge. He was caught in an endless loop of doomed scenarios. Unless someone had brought home the ashes of the person they loved the most in the world, they wouldn’t understand. No one else could understand what it was like knowing his husband’s body burned until there was nothing left but ash. He would never see Coby again. Coby would never laugh or smile. If Grayson died, Finley couldn’t know it. He couldn’t do another round of screaming at the top of his lungs for someone who would never exist again. Finley wasn’t strong enough. When Grayson needed him the most, Finley couldn’t deliver. His cracks showed. He couldn’t be there for this.
Chapter Nine
Not for the first time in Grayson’s life, his heart hurt so bad, he thought he might die. He slept for almost a week, squished between Benji and Silas until he stirred enough from his stupor to realize they probably wanted some time alone. Still, without them, he wouldn’t have eaten or drank, much less taken his meds. Grayson didn’t care about anything anymore. The world had finally broken him. His brother despised him enough to try to kill him. Finley had fallen off the map. Then his things had arrived from Finley’s house via messenger. Finley hadn’t even bothered to bring them himself. Grayson had nothing left. He had disabled his website and canceled the last of his orders. It wasn’t like he could carve boxes with only one working hand.
Grayson was slowly regaining sight in his left eye, but his right arm was broken. He had three ribs that would likely never be the same and pneumonia had set in not long after his lung had been punctured and collapsed. Grayson was tired, and it had nothing to do with the pain medication that made life tolerable by keeping him asleep. He simply didn’t want to keep doing this breathing thing any longer. Every heartbeat hurt. It took almost a month and lots of prodding from Silas, but Grayson was dressed and on his way to face Finley. He knew it was a waste of time. They were as done as two people could be, but Finley would look him in the eyes and tell him why. As Silas had reminded him a million times, Grayson deserved that much. Maybe then he could move on, but he doubted it. Grayson didn’t think there was anything to move on to.
Benji’s personal bodyguard, Kage, drove in silence. He kept tossing worried looks Grayson’s way. Grayson got it. He was more bruise than he was skin, even with nearly a month to heal. Grayson looked as dead as he felt. He didn’t care anymore. Grayson had no fight left in him. As the circular drive came into view that led to the house Grayson thought he would share with Finley, he fought a flinch. He closed his eyes and took a shallow breath.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
Grayson’s eyes opened. He forced a small smile to his lips. “No. Thank you. I appreciate the offer, but I’m humiliated enough.”
A dark scowl touched Kage’s features. “You have no reason to feel that way. He’s the one who should be embarrassed. No real man abandons his man at the hospital.”
The fact that Kage knew his story only made the humiliation thing worse. Grayson’s entire life had been humbling. He was ready to stop now. There shouldn’t be any lessons left to teach him. “Nonetheless.”
Kage gave him a sharp nod, letting it go. “I’ll be waiting.”
With a dip of his chin to acknowledge Kage’s words, Grayson slipped from the SUV. The front door opened before Grayson made it up the steps. His eyes burned at the sight of his cuddly bear. Grayson almost melted to the ground. He wanted to rush into Finley’s arms. Finley’s closed expression stopped any ideas he had about trying. It hurt so much worse than he could have ever dreamed.
“Benji told me you were on your way and not to make you walk up the steps.” Finley moved from the doorway to sit on the top step.