"May I be excused to go read?" I say.
Mother purses her lips. "Fine. But make sure you're back here before your Father."
I nod. That won't be a problem. Father will go do what he always does when he's annoyed at one of us. He'll find something to drink, and someone to amuse him. A shiver runs down my spine as I think about what I'll have to do in order to get the son in the first place. It's not the Lord's age that's a real problem, but more his circle. If I marry him, I'll almost never get to spend any time with anyone even approaching my own. I'll be embedded in politics and boring conversations I've never had any interest in.
"May I be excused to go read?" I say.
Mother purses her lips. "Fine. But make sure you're back here before your Father."
I nod. That won't be a problem. Father will go do what he always does when he's annoyed at one of us. He'll find something to drink, and someone to amuse him.
Chapter 4
I run my fingers down the spines of all the books, trying to decide which of them to read. Nothing is taking my fancy, though. I could take so many of them off the shelves, but I know I won't be able to read more than a couple of pages. The problem isn't the books. I can't blame them for not catching my attention.
"Are you going to pick one, or are you going to keep looking at them as if they'll answer all your problems?" a familiar voice asks.
I spin around, my skirts rustling as they swipe past the shelves. "Benedict." His name comes out breathier than I expect it to, and I try to get control of myself. I don't want to be the kind of girl who is completely knocked off her feet by a man.
His impish smile sets my heart fluttering.
"Kitty."
Oh no. That name from him sounds too familiar. Too much as if there's already something between us.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, trying to save some face.
"I came to find you."
I snort, a very unladylike sound, but one that suits the situation. "You don't even know me. There's no way you're here because you thought I was."
"All right, you got me. I'm here to look for a book. But when I saw you, I became certain it's fate." His eyes drink me in as he leans against the sturdy bookshelf, doing nothing that suggests he's in the least bit interested in the books.
"Do you always try this hard?" I ask.
He laughs softly. "Who says I'm trying hard?"
I cock my head to the side and trail my gaze up and down him. "Let's see...you're leaning, but your body is tense. You're smiling, but there's a hesitance to it, and you're answering my questions with more questions." I cross my arms, only thinking about the effect it'll have on my breasts once I've done it.
"Fine, Kitty. You got me. I'm trying to impress you."
"Because you're one of the men who has put a marriage offer in to my Father?" I ask sweetly.
The blood drains from his face. "Have many done that?"
"Apparently." Father never told me the number. That's probably a good thing.
"No, I wasn't one of them," he admits, pushing away from the bookcase. "I prefer to get to know a woman before I ask her to marry me."
"Don't you mean you ask her Father if you can marry her?" I correct.
He shakes his head. "No one is in charge of a woman's heart except for herself."
My heart skips another beat. How is he so perfect?
No. I have to stop this. There's nothing down this road but heartbreak and pain. I shouldn't take it. I don't know what they'll do if they find out about this.
I have to stop thinking about it this way. There's nothing for them to find out about right now. We aren't doing anything other than flirting. That's almost a game here, meaning I have nothing to worry about in the slightest.
"Do you have anywhere to be?" he asks suddenly.
I frown. Why is he asking?
"No." The word slips out before I have time to think about the consequences.
The smile stretching over his face is enough to erase any concerns I have. Whatever he has planned is going to be a lot of fun. And if I'm going to be married soon, then I should take every chance at fun which gets offered to me.
"Good. Why don't you get some blankets and candles, and meet me on the roof?" he suggests.
"The roof?" I raise an eyebrow.
He nods. "We're going to have a picnic."
"Without any chaperones?" Should I be shocked? I'm not too sure.
He chuckles. "Do you think we could find one who wouldn't hand us in?"
"So you're admitting what we're going to do could get us into a lot of trouble?" Despite the question, I know I'm going to go through with his plan. A picnic on the roof sounds like a lot of fun to me.
"Only if we're caught."
"Hmm." I glance at the books, trying not to let him see the true emotions in my eyes.
"It's up to you, Kitty. You can either meet me, or not. If you don't, then I won't bother you again."
Pain lances through my heart at that. I don't like the idea of not seeing him again.
"Mother says once I give my husband a son, I'll be able to have all the affairs I want," I blurt, though quietly. Somehow, the two of us have ended up very close to one another while talking. But where has my admission come from? Am I trying to proposition him? I'm not sure.
"And are you all right with that?" There's a frankness in his eyes I can't escape.
"No." The word is so quiet, I'm not even sure I've said it. "But I don't know what else to do."
"Take your life into your own hands," he urges. "And meet me on the roof."
A small laugh escapes me. "You're only saying that so I come meet you."
"Perhaps." A teasing smile reemerges on his face. "But I think it's also something everyone should do. Life is about more than simply doing what you're told to."
"Spoken like a true man," I mutter. "Some of us don't have the same choices you do."
"Perhaps not. But the only way you're going to get them if you take them for yourself." He shrugs. "Perhaps that's a naive way of seeing it..."
"Especially when you're a man," I put in.
"Because I'm a man," he admits. "But that doesn't mean I can't help other non-men..." He steps closer, his words disappearing into a charged silence.
Heat rushes through me. I know I should duck away and put an end to whatever this is. Especially as we're in the den's main libraries. Anyone can stumble across us at any point. I'm not sure what would happen in that situation, but I've no doubt it'll involve some kind of punishment on me, and nothing more than a stern word for him.
"I'll meet you," I promise. "How long?"
"Ten minutes? Will that work?"
I nod, unable to form the words.
Benedict steps back. To my surprise, a wave of regret washes over me at the loss of closeness.
He dips into a deep bow. "I look forward to meeting with you once more, Kitty."