I have to let go of his hand and take my place in the line of women. When the music starts, I dance the steps I've known for as long as I can remember. My eyes never stray from Benedict, and I can feel his eyes on me too. I have a feeling this is going to get old very fast, but for now, it's the best we've got.
Chapter 7
"I noticed you danced with Lord Ferrybridge again last night," Mother says as she walks into my bed-chamber without even knocking. It's a good job I'm not up to no good. At least, not right now. There's been plenty of times over the past few weeks where I have been.
"Is that a problem, Mother?" I ask without looking up from the embroidery I've been working on. It's incredibly boring for me, but Father wants more handkerchiefs, so there's no way of avoiding it.
"He submitted a marriage proposal to your Father a couple of weeks ago."
I stiffen. Why is she telling me this now? Other than the proposal from Dewsbury, neither of my parents have talked to me about any of the offers they've been receiving. Potentially because, no matter what happens, I'm not going to get a say in the matter.
"I didn't realise," I lie, trying to keep my mind off the very real promises Benedict has made me in the time since he talked to Father.
"I hope you're not making anyone false promises," Mother warns, coming over to the window I'm sitting in and perching herself on the other stool there.
"I'm not making anyone promises." Technically true.
"Then you should be careful. Men will often take what you won't freely give. If there's even the smallest stain on your reputation..."
I sigh loudly, cutting her off. Exasperated, I rest my embroidery on my lap and meet her gaze. "I know. Everyone has drilled it into me since I was old enough to talk. I'm not going to do anything to ruin myself." Technically, not true. I believe by most definitions of the term, I've come very close to ruining myself for good. It's far too easy to get carried away with Benedict, though he does manage to stop us in time.
Sometimes, I'm disappointed by that. But I try not to think about it too hard.
"There's no stain on my reputation," I assure her.
"How would you know if there was?" she demands.
I set my embroidery aside, using the motion to cover up the panic rising within me. She doesn't know anything, does she? I don't see how. We've been careful at every possible turn. No one knows about us. We always make sure people don't see us, and we never take risks unless we're certain no one is around.
"You need to tell me the truth if something has happened, Catherine," Mother says firmly.
"I would, but nothing has." Why is this happening now? "Has Father mentioned why the marriage negotiations are lasting as long as they are?" Hopefully, changing the subject will work. That way, I can avoid having to lie.
"There have been some complications with Lord Dewsbury," she admits.
"Oh?" I risk picking my embroidery back up now my hands are steadier and less likely to give me away.
"Don't ask me about them, your Father hasn't shared what they are. I suspect there are problems over your dowry. That's normally the case." She sighs. "Have you drunk today?"
I shake my head, too taken aback by the about-turn in her questioning. I want the subject to move on from my unofficial love life, but I thought it'd come from me changing it.
Mother rises to her feet and exits the room. She comes back in a couple of moments with two goblets and hands one to me.
"You should be careful and make sure you're drinking regularly," she scolds me.
"I am doing. I just hadn't yet today," I assure her.
"Hmm. You've been looking a bit pale recently..."
"We're vampires, Mother, we're always pale. I think it's the lack of sunlight." I've seen humans, and their skin tone looks much healthier than mine.
"Which is exactly why you should be drinking blood. Your Father pays more than you care to think about for this vintage."
I take a sip of the blood, not wanting to comment on how much Father pays. It's probably too much. It doesn't taste any better than the normal stuff the court serves. Blood is blood, at the end of the day. I don't have any problem with drinking it, but I also don't spend a lot of time working out what the differences between the different vintages are. I'm sure it's something to do with where it comes from.
Perhaps Mother is right, though. As soon as some of the blood is gone, I feel fresher than before.
"You look better already," Mother says.
I smother a laugh. She's only seeing what she wants to see, but I know I can't say that to her. My parents are far above me in the pecking order, and I know I have to obey them or risk being thrown out of their home. I'm not sure what I'd do if I'm cast out. If I spend any time in the sun, I'll die. And that's without all the other complications which come with being a vampire out in the open. In a lot of respects, it doesn't warrant thinking about.
"I promise to make sure I drink more," I murmur, knowing it's the only way I'm going to get her to drop it. I don't want to be lectured to about blood. It's happened far too many times in my past as it is. Since the moment I could eat, more or less.
"Good." She rises to her feet, apparently done with all the things she wants to talk to me about now.
"You're going so soon?" I ask, unsurprised but feeling like I should voice it anyway.
"Yes. There's another ball tomorrow night. Make sure you dance with some different men this time."
I frown. I thought I'd been doing all right with spreading my time with the various different men of the court, but perhaps not. It's unfortunate I won't be seeing Benedict until tomorrow. I don't want him to think I'm ignoring him when I dance with other people. Once my parents retire for the evening, I can dance with him.
"Why don't you provide me with a list of acceptable partners, and I'll be sure to only dance with them," I suggest, hating myself for even thinking it.
Mother purses her lips. "I'll have it delivered to your room later today." She doesn't say anything else, and sweeps out of the room, the train of her gown rustling against the floor as she leaves.
I sigh heavily and set aside my embroidery. There's no chance of me going back to it now. How am I going to balance my parents' wishes with seeing the man I truly want to spend my time with? For the first time in the weeks since I started spending time with Benedict, it feels impossible to continue our affair.
I should have listened when my mind screamed about how hurt I'd end up after all of this.
Chapter 8
I try to catch Benedict's eye. I'm not sure what I'll do when I manage, but I need to somehow get a message to him so he knows I'm not purposefully ignoring him. Well, I suppose that's not right. I am avoiding him, but not because I want to.
How did this get so complicated? I never intended for any of this to happen.
"Lady Catherine, may I have this dance?" Thomas, an heir to one of the dukedoms, asks.
"Of course." I plaster a fake smile on my face, resigning myself to the fact I'm going to spend one more dance away from Benedict.