Looking back, I am pleased that I did not change her. I think once she saw all the benefits to being my immortal human slave, what was the point? She is afforded many luxuries, including one slice of bread and cheese each day. Her annual day off is also another lavish perk.
Neli smiles sweetly, grateful for my generous suggestion. “Yes, I’ll look forward to fresh air on my day off next year. Can we get this over with?”
“Yes, I am ready for the final step in my transformation into a modern man. Stella will not know what hit her.”
Neli rolls her eyes and mumbles, “It’ll take a hell of a lot more than a suit and a spray tan to make you into a modern man.”
“I am a fierce, deadly vampire. And last time I checked, being an alpha male never goes out of style.” This battle is as good as won. “And now for my victory suit!”
CHAPTER TEN
Boz
The moment I step inside the mall, my senses are assaulted by the tiny suns and a cacophony of sound. I stay close to the edges of the space, passing by a variety of food stands with scents of meat, bread, and something spicy.
“Fortunately, it’s a Thursday, so it’s not too crowded,” Neli says. “We should be in and out in no time. I’ll point out the men’s clothing stores, and if you like the outfits in the display window, we’ll go in.”
I follow her, uncertain of the right direction. How confusing this place is with the many paths and multiple floors. I stare at a moving staircase. There is definitely some witchcraft at play here. I will not be fooled so easily.
A few shops later, I find a store that is dim inside with pulsing music that reminds me of the delicious rhythm of a fresh vein.
“This is the place, Neli.” I step inside a shop that is split down the middle—men’s outfits on one side and women’s on the other. What a talented tailor to attempt both.
“This store is for teens,” Neli says under her breath.
I do not know who these teens are, and I do not care. This place is for me. I find it relaxing. A young man with blond hair that sticks up like a field of spikes approaches.
He stops in front of us, slouches, and shoves his hands in the pockets of worn light blue trousers with holes in several places. They must not pay the staff adequately here. “’Sup, can I help you?”
“I am Mr. Bozhidar, not a ‘sup.’ Please tell your tailor I will need an outfit in my size for this evening.”
He gives me a lopsided smile and slowly nods his head. Perhaps the village idiot has been employed for the distributing of outfits already made in the proper sizes. It seems a simple job. “Sure, man. You look like a large. What’s the occasion?”
I smile, pleased that I know all the modern lingo. “A date with a virgin.”
“Big man! High five!” He holds his hand in the air.
High what? I flick my finger at Neli. I cannot deal with the idiot any longer.
Neli steps forward. “He means a first date. So how about you get us some jeans for a six-foot guy, bring a measuring tape if you’ve got it for his waist, and I’ll help him with the shirts.”
He nods, smiling for no reason. “I got you.” He turns to me, still smiling widely. “There’s a sale on our button-downs and some polo shirts up front that could be good for a virgin date.” He chuckles and walks in a slow stroll toward the shelves in the back of the shop. His trousers are so ill-fitting I can see his underclothes with bright yellow faces sporting idiot smiles. Is this intentional to match his expression? His tailor boss has made a fool of him.
No matter. I turn and stride over to the shirts he indicated at the front of the shop. The buttons are only on top, and there is a formal collar. The sleeves are cut short. Perhaps these shirts are meant exclusively for strong men, like myself, to display our arms in a show of muscular prowess.
“I will take one of these in every color.” I turn to Neli standing nearby. “Did you bring sufficient gold coins to cover it?”
She leans close. “They don’t use gold coins anymore. It’s more convenient to use this.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a small leather holder. From this she removes a slim black rectangle that shimmers in the dim space. I do not know what it is made of, but it is unlike anything I have ever seen before. “Here. I got one in your name. It’s called a credit card. Basically, it’s like an electronic banknote. You give it to the merchant and they use it to draft a note to the bank, who pays them on your behalf. You settle your account with the credit card company later.”
I take the item and notice that my name is imprinted on it along with the words American Express. “Very ingenious.” Sounds like something I would have invented. “Please bring my items to the money man,” I tell her. “Perhaps I will look for more of these shirts with short sleeves.” I peruse the wares of “Must Have Tees” and take a white tee in large. Just to be sure, I remove my SF hat and sweater to try it on.
The store idiot approaches with a stack of blue trousers. “These jeans are super popular right now. They keep selling out, but we got a new shipment in this morning.”
These “jeans” have holes in them, indicating that it is perhaps in fashion to not display one’s wealth. A silly idea, but fine. I am here because I wish to blend in. I remove my shoes and leather trousers.
“Dear God!” An older woman covers the eyes of a younger woman. She must be protecting her virgin eyes. Ah, see, this is why men and women usually go to different tailors—the tender eyes of young maidens. When you are as well-endowed as I am, underclothes cannot be worn with leather trousers.
“Whoa, dude,” says the idiot.
“Boz, no!” Neli exclaims, rushing toward me. “Put your trousers back on, please. There are dressing rooms for that.”
“A whole room to dress? Why didn’t you say so?” In my day, one simply stood in the middle of the tailor’s shop while he fitted you.
The young man holding the light blue trousers gestures toward the back, and I follow him. I can hear giggling from the women’s side of the store, and that only makes me stand taller. Maidenly virtue is one of the highest delights.
“What is taking you so long?” I demand irritably as we walk through the mall toward the doors leading outside. “We must get to Stella’s home within the hour.” Yes, I finally figured out how to tell time using their clocks. It makes sense that they abandoned the sundial since the peasants spend so little time outdoors.
“Some help would be nice,” Neli says from under a pile of bags hanging from her shoulders, wrists, and gathered against her chest.
“Yes, well, help cannot be found at the moment. I have not had time to procure another servant since I have just woken from a five-hundred-year nap.” Could I be more sarcastic? I chuckle to myself. Chandler has taught me well.
Neli does not laugh. I could order her to, but I am suddenly halted by the most wondrous sight. There, across the indoor courtyard, a shop with a large portrait of a man and woman embracing. They are about to kiss.
A moment later, I peer into the shop and find jewels displayed on black velvet. It is perfect. A gift for Stella.
I stride forward confidently with my American card and stop in front of an elderly crone wearing a gray dress. “Hello, I am Mr. Bozhidar. I would like your finest jewelry as a gift for my virgin date.”