“Oh.” Peyton sounded startled. “Sure. I’m holding her, so if you want to FaceTime me, you can watch her sleeping.”
“Cool. I’ll call you back.” He disconnected and blew out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. That had gone better than he’d been expecting. Thank fuck.
He quickly pulled up the FaceTime app and called her back, anxious to see Peyton again, wondering how much she’d changed since the last time he’d seen her.
“Hey. Looks like she’s awake.” Peyton looked exactly the same, even without makeup and with slight circles under her eyes. Her light brown hair was pulled over one shoulder and her faint smile was sweet as she stared down at the baby.
“Oh, wow, she’s beautiful,” Ryder breathed. He wasn’t sure if he was talking about mother or daughter, but it seemed fitting for both of them.
“Thank you.” She moved the phone so he could get a close-up of Stella’s face and her eyes started to get heavy. “She’s falling asleep again,” Peyton said softly.
“Is her hair blond?” he asked, staring at the angelic little face. She was truly gorgeous and he was momentarily speechless.
“It’s that newborn fuzz, but yes, it’s blond. The doctor says it’ll probably fall out and come back darker. You, me, and Troy are all dark-haired so I don’t think she’ll be a blonde.”
“How does she sleep?”
“Terribly,” she said, chuckling. “She’s up every two hours all night.”
“Are you, uh, breastfeeding?”
“I’m trying, but my milk isn’t coming in so I’m having to supplement with formula.”
“Is that bad?”
“Not necessarily, but I wanted to try breastfeeding. It’s supposed to be better for them, though it’s a pretty controversial subject.”
“You should do whatever’s most comfortable for you,” he said gently.
“I’m trying.”
“Well, I won’t keep you too long.” He paused. “Will you text me and tell me how she’s doing? Maybe a few pictures?”
“Okay, sure.”
“Things don’t have to be weird, Peyton, okay? If she’s mine, we’ll figure out a way for me to be in her life. I’m not going to try and take her from you or anything.”
“Th-thank you. That’s my biggest fear with Troy. I’m sure he’ll be pissed because he hates kids, but he’ll take her just to spite me.”
“He’s a dick.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Don’t think about any of that, okay? Try to rest when she does and I’ll see you in three weeks.”
“Okay. And I’ll text you some pictures.”
“I’d love that. Good night, Peyton.”
“Good night, Ryder.”
He disconnected and leaned back.
That had gone well. Thank fuck.
The team got back to Anchorage on a blustery, rainy evening and it felt good to be home. He hadn’t slept well since he’d found out about Stella, and though he’d avoided talking about it on the road, he was going to have to tell Logan and Cassie about it sooner rather than later. Technically, he didn’t have to, but they lived together, and frankly, he was dying to tell someone.
Cassie had made a beef stew that was still warming in the Crock-Pot, and she handed him a bowl after he’d gone to his room to change into sweats. Coco was following him around, like she always did when he’d been gone, but having Cassie here had really helped.
“You guys look exhausted,” Cassie said. “So eat a little something and then get some rest. Do you have practice in the morning?”
Logan shook his head. “No. Thank god. Coach knows this trip ran us ragged, and we leave again on Monday, so we need the downtime.”
“Coco, sit!” Ryder told the dog firmly.
She dropped down on her haunches but gave him a sad look.
“I know, girl,” he said, petting her. “But I need to relax and I’m a thousand percent sure Cassie already fed you.”
“But, Daddy, I loves food!” Cassie said in a singsong voice, pretending to be Coco.
He looked at the bowl she handed him and inhaled deeply. “This smells awesome, Cass. Thanks for always doing shit like this. It means a lot.”
“You guys work hard,” she replied.
“So do you,” Logan added.
“Yeah, but it’s different for me. I’m here, in one place, going to school and coaching in the afternoons. You guys are constantly on the road, and no matter how much you love hockey, it’s hard on your bodies, your minds, your relationships. Everything.”
“Yeah. You have no idea sometimes.” Ryder took a bite of food and looked up to find them both watching him.
“You ready to talk about whatever’s on your mind?” Logan asked quietly.
“Something happened,” Ryder said after a slight hesitation. “Last winter. About nine months ago.”
Logan looked confused but Cassie’s gaze immediately sharpened.
“You mean—” she began.
“Yup.”
“Holy shit.”
“Wait, what are we talking about?” Logan asked in confusion.
“Nine months.” She elbowed him.
“What—oh, shit.” Now his eyes were wide too. “You knocked someone up?”
“Not just someone. Someone’s sister.” Ryder gave him a pointed look.
“Wait, nine months means roughly late January.” Logan was no dummy. “Are you talking about Peyton?”
“Holy crap.” Cassie sank down in the chair across from him. “Does Donovan know?”
“Of course, but it’s not black-and-white.” He told them as much as he knew.
“So you don’t even know if it’s yours?” Logan asked.
“No.” Ryder pulled out his phone. “This is her.” He showed them some of the many photos he now had of Stella and they both smiled.
“She’s beautiful,” Cassie whispered.
“Do you want her to be yours?” Logan asked after a moment.
“I kind of do,” Ryder admitted. “That’s fucked up, right?”
“No.” Logan shook his head. “This is an emotional mindfuck. I’m not saying it’s intentional, I’m sure this isn’t fun for Peyton either, going through the pregnancy alone and one of the possibilities being her abusive ex but—”
“Was he abusive?” Ryder interrupted, frowning. “I mean, he was a dick and kicked her out of the apartment she technically paid for, but was he abusive?”
Logan hesitated. “We don’t know for sure, but Donovan was scared when he called Miikka that night, afraid Troy would hurt her if she tried to get her stuff. That tells me there’s more to the story than just him being a jerk.”
“That’s why she and Donovan have both said they hope she’s mine,” Ryder said, understanding suddenly dawning.
“I don’t know for sure, but yeah, that’s the vibe I got.”
“So when are you going to find out if she’s yours?” Cassie asked.