“Maybe, but you can give it to her when she’s a little older.”
“What’s all the rest of this stuff?” she asked.
“Size-two diapers because I figured everyone bought you the newborn sizes and you’ll need these in a couple of months.”
“That was very thoughtful,” she whispered, her voice filled with surprise.
“There’s also a baby-sized Blizzard jersey—Donovan can fight me over it—and some other random Blizzard gear in various sizes for her.”
“There are a lot of bags,” she said, glancing around.
“Well, yeah, I kind of went nuts.” He shrugged. “There are a bunch of developmental toys that I read about, a few books for you to read to her as she gets older, and a bunch of baby wipes because I figure you can’t have enough.”
“Ryder…” Her eyes shimmered with tears. “You don’t even know if she’s yours.”
“I know.” He reached out and brushed away a tear. “But she might be, and if not, I can afford to do something nice for both of you. Donovan is my friend and I’d like to think you are too.”
“Definitely.” She sighed. “I don’t know why you’re so nice. I was always pretty bitchy to all of Donovan’s teammates.”
“Yeah, but there had to be a reason. At least, that’s what I told myself.” He grinned over at her. “And now I know.”
“You do?” She looked curious. “What do you know?”
“Well, for one thing, your boyfriend was an abusive prick. For another, Donovan mentioned you dated one of his teammates in high school and it didn’t go well. So I get it.”
“That’s no excuse. I was so mad at the world and I guess now I know why.”
“The fact that he hit you pisses me off.” Ryder looked over at her.
“More than once. Not like the bad stuff you see on TV, but the first time, he slapped me. Not a huge deal. I was so shocked I couldn’t move and then he freaked out, saying he was sorry, practically in tears. And I forgave him because Troy never apologizes for anything, you know? I figured one and done.”
“That kind of thing is never one and done,” he murmured.
“Yeah, the second time was at Christmas. We left the family and went to a hotel during that storm we had, and he’d been such a dick to everyone, I told him it was unacceptable. He basically shoved me onto the bed and held me down, yelling at me about how he didn’t need this kind of pressure from his fiancée, how law school was all he had time for. He squeezed my forearms so hard it left bruises.”
“I want to fucking kill him,” Ryder growled.
“And the last time was the night I broke up with him.” She turned away, her posture suddenly tense.
“He hit you that night we came and got you?” Ryder reached over, taking her chin between his fingers and forcing her to look at him.
“You can’t tell anyone—especially not Donovan. He’d kill him. Literally. And Donovan going to prison gets me nothing.”
“I won’t say anything.” He paused. “You can talk to me, Peyton. Really. You look like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
“It’s been a nightmare,” she whispered, resting her head on the side of his arm. “I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant.”
“You should have reached out,” he said.
“That’s just it—I couldn’t. I didn’t know whose baby it was so I figured everyone would think I was a whore or something.”
“Why? You think I’ve never had sex with two different women in one day?”
“You can’t get pregnant. And frankly, I’m so humiliated by the whole thing I don’t even want to think about the possibility that he’s her father.”
“You kind of have to,” he responded.
“I know.”
Stella made a sound and Ryder was instantly on his feet. He took a step but then whirled around to Peyton. “Can I pick her up?”
She nodded. “Of course. Just remember to support her head.”
He walked over to the swing and stared into her perfect little face and gently unsnapped the belt that kept her from falling out if she started to wiggle too much. He couldn’t remember ever holding a newborn before and hesitated for a second before sliding his big hands around her tiny body. He lifted her slowly and immediately brought her up to his shoulder, the way he’d seen people do it on TV and stuff. Remembering Peyton’s warning about holding her head, he put one hand behind it and used the other to keep her against his chest. She weighed close to nothing and it was surreal to think he’d potentially created this little human being.
She seemed sleepy and fussy, like she was going to cry.
“Oh, don’t do that,” he whispered, gently bouncing her. “Hey, Daddy’s here. You’re okay.” He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it felt so right. She had to be his. Why else did he feel this immediate connection to her?
Stella stared up at him the moment he started talking, as if mesmerized by his voice.
“That’s right. Are you hungry?”
“She’s always hungry,” Peyton said, coming to stand next to him.
“God, Peyton, she’s so beautiful.”
“It’s a little mind-boggling. I sit and stare at her for hours sometimes.”
“I would too.”
“You hold her while I warm up a bottle. You want to feed her?”
“You’ll have to show me how, but heck yeah.”
“Be right back.” Peyton went into the kitchen and Ryder continued bouncing Stella as he walked around the room, talking to her in a soft voice. “What do you think about hockey?” he asked. “Someday, when you’re a little older, you’ll come see Daddy play, okay? And you’re going to be the prettiest kid on the whole team. Just don’t tell the guys I said that.” He continued talking as he walked around, completely unaware that Peyton was standing a few feet away, watching.
“Ready to feed her?” she asked after a few minutes.
“Absolutely.” He sat on the couch and Peyton helped him get Stella into position. She handed him a bottle that felt a little warm.
“How do you know the right temperature?”
“I guess the old-fashioned way? I get a little on my forearm and as long as it feels warm, but not hot, it’s okay.”
“But she doesn’t drink it cold, right?”
“No, that’s not good for her tummy.”
“Okay.” He took the bottle and put it to Stella’s mouth. Her lips parted immediately, and she started to suck. “Wow. She seems…hungry.”
“Yeah, all they do at this age is sleep, eat, and poop. I can’t wait to teach you about poopy diapers.”
He chuckled. “I’m in.”
They sat like that until Stella had finished what was in her bottle and Peyton showed him how to lift her onto his shoulder to help her burp.
“So this is going to go one of two ways,” Peyton said after a while. “Either she’ll fall asleep and stay asleep for a few hours, or she’ll be up for a few hours and not get to sleep until four or five.”