To the left, a gathering of tall city buildings rose from the pavement toward the sky. They glistened in the sun, their windows reflecting its light. The buildings were nearly stacked on top of one another, yet at their bases hordes of people passed from one place to the next, occupied with moving quickly, none stopping to interact with one another.
Lucy, if you can hear me, say yes, Dr. Loveless said.
“Yes,” I replied.
Where are you?
I glanced back right, the peaceful neighborhood scene a stark contrast to the bustle of the working city to my left. “I don’t know.”
“Are you lost?” came a small voice.
I turned my attention downward to see a child sitting on the far end of the bench. The girl, her hair pulled up in a ponytail, wore light denim jeans and a white T-shirt with a pink unicorn on the front. Her eyes were bright and kind as she stared up at me, waiting for me to answer.
Lucy, tell me what you see.
“A girl,” I said.
The girl scrunched her nose curiously. “Who are you talking to?”
A girl? Do you recognize her?
“No.”
The girl looked over her shoulder and then back to me. “Are you crazy?” She dropped her voice to a whisper and leaned forward a tad. “Do you see dead people?”
I shook my head. “No.” Then a thought crossed my mind. “Are you dead?” I asked her.
She giggled and swung her legs. “Nope.”
Lucy, talk to her. See if she can help you.
The girl smiled, and I noticed one of her front teeth was missing. It made her smile more charming, and I felt my heart warm. “Can you help me?” I asked. “Do you know where I am?”
The girl stared at me for a long moment. “Of course I know.”
“Can you tell me?”
She smiled and shook her head. “That’s not how the game works.”
“What game?”
“The one we always play. Do you want me to teach you?”
“Yes.”
The girl sprang up from her seat and took off running for the active city. I hesitated, thrown by her sudden movements, but recovered quickly and raced after her. She was quick, darting into the throng of bodies, all acting as if a little girl wasn’t passing through at their feet. I raced into the pile of people, knocking shoulders and elbows, thinking to apologize but too focused on keeping the child in my sights.
The top of her head popped in and out of view. She was quickening her steps, putting more distance between us as I clawed my way after her. The bodies around me seemed to be multiplying, growing in numbers and density. It was starting to feel like I was slamming into walls.
“Hurry, hurry,” she yelled over the masses.
“Slow down, I’m losing you,” I yelled back.
She didn’t. I was sweating as I watched her break out of the sea of people. She shot off like a rocket once free from the crowd. I was almost there.
I put all my force into propelling myself forward, freedom right before me. One extra punch of speed and I slammed into an invisible barrier that knocked me off my feet and to the concrete. My spine smacked the hard ground, and the wind rushed from my lungs. I gasped for breath and found none. Pain rippled across my skin as I rolled to my side and tried to breathe.
Black dots filled my vision as the impact of the fall raked my whole body. After a moment I caught a gasp of air and sucked it into my lungs. A smidge of relief entered as I regained the ability to breathe.
Pushing myself off the ground, I looked up to see I was alone. And no longer in the middle of a thriving city.
Rather, in a box. A glass box in a dark room. I stood, panicked. Placed my hands on the surface. I could tell the glass was inches thick, unbreakable without a tool of some kind. All around me, my hands met the same surface. I could touch the top without fully extending my arms, and the width was less than my wingspan.
I was trapped. I looked through the glass, searching for the little girl. “Hello,” I called out. “Hey, anyone?”
Lucy, you’re safe. Calm down. Everything is alright.
Dr. Loveless’s voice cut through the panic but didn’t ease the beating of my heart. It didn’t feel alright.
This is just your mind, Lucy, I told myself. You are in control.
Then why did I feel so threatened? A familiar feeling from the depths rose up, and my panic boiled over to terror.
I had been here before. Without knowing why, my body launched into a full-on attack on the prison that held me captive. “Let me out!” I cried. “Please, let me out.”
Lucy, you have to calm down. Nothing can hurt you.
Bright lights flicked on overhead, and the room around me came into view. Just beyond the glass sat a group of people, faceless from where I was, all dressed in black, some armed, others in white lab coats. Between us was a large panel filled with things I couldn’t see.
“Let me out!” I yelled again. “Please don’t do this.”
Do what, I couldn’t remember. It was as if my memories were acting through me without my consent. As if my body knew what was coming and it desperately wanted to be free.
Your heart rate’s too high, Lucy. I need you to bring it back down.
I ignored Dr. Loveless. She wasn’t here with me. I was alone.
“Begin,” one of the faceless said.
A loud crank echoed through the room, and after the quick build and rumble of something passing overhead, I glanced up to see that a large steel pipe was dumping water into my prison.
And then I was a child. Still me, but ten years younger, shivering and terrified as water drained from the pipe.
The light overhead was dull and yellow. The room smelled of bleach and smoke. The panel and its judges sat before me, but now I recognized their faces. Faces I had seen a hundred times before. Doctors, technicians, department heads. Olivia was there, watching worriedly from the back corner.
Some faces I didn’t know as well, but I knew they were important because this demonstration had been set up specifically for them. They stood in the center, the one in the navy suit and red tie their leader. “The leader of the free world,” I had been told, though I wasn’t sure what that meant.
Then I was back in my near-adult body, still trapped behind glass, Dr. Loveless’s voice urging me to remain calm. Back and forth the images flipped. In one moment I was myself, and then my younger self. Both trapped behind glass as water drained from the ceiling.
I understood what was happening. They were testing me. By nearly drowning me. Seeing how far I could be taken to the edge of death without having a rise in emotions. The skill would be valuable in the face of any danger.
In a snap second, a collage of memories flooded my mind. How many times had I been held in this cage? Pressed to my limits, beyond what a human body should be able to withstand? How many times had I screamed for help and none was given? How many times had I begged for them to stop?
All of the memories rushed back to me now, a catalogue of one event that had happened over and over again. I wanted to scream and weep at the same time. The power of it blazed through my bones and ignited the panic I felt until I thought I might combust.
Lucy, wake up, Dr. Loveless said.
I couldn’t. I was screaming with fury, my lungs burning inside my chest. My fists raged against the glass as the water reached my waist and rose at an alarming rate. I was shivering and crying and begging for help as the faces remained unmoved. As they had done a dozen times before.