Lucy, listen to me. Wake up.
I struggled to breathe, as if I were back on the pavement having the wind knocked out of me. The water reached my shoulders, and terror grabbed my mind like a starved bear and devoured every morsel of sense. There was nothing but fear when the water reached my face. I thrashed and fought against the reality I couldn’t escape, but it only plunged me further into darkness.
Lucy, you must wake up!
The water rose over my mouth and then my nose. I clenched my eyes as the cold shut out any hope for rescue, and all that was left were my instincts, which refused to believe I wasn’t drowning. My body continued to fight as my mind sank deeper into madness. I wasn’t breathing. I could feel my lungs ready to burst, my throat on fire, my brain swelling in its search for air.
Lucy!
Something sparked in the darkness below the water. It fizzled softly and touched my chest. Then it came again. A pulse. And again. This time with more intensity. It made me ache, and it drew my mind back from hopelessness.
Breathe, Lucy, breathe.
Against rationale, I opened my mouth and sucked in. Air filled my lungs, and the scene around me changed again. The water prison was gone. There was no city, or panel, or child. I was back where I had started. In the barn, with Dr. Loveless, Seeley, and Zoe at my sides.
I was gasping, not able to get air into my lungs fast enough. I was shaking from head to toe, aching, terror still crawling over my skin. The recalled emotions collapsed upon me, and I began to cry. Zoe pushed the others away and tucked my head against her shoulder as the crying turned to wails. Wails I thought would never end.
But they did, and then Zoe insisted I rest. I didn’t argue. She led me away from the table, the barn, and the past that I’d now never be able to forget.
NINETEEN
ZOE STOOD IN the kitchen, coffee mug in hand. A shuffling sound drew her attention, and she turned to see Seeley standing inside the kitchen archway.
“How is she?” he asked.
Zoe took the final swallow from her mug and walked to the sink. “Sleeping.” She rinsed the mug and placed it in the dishwasher.
The two stood in silence for a moment. Before either could say anything, Gina entered. “Is Lucy still resting?” she asked.
Zoe nodded, and Gina crossed her arms. “Let her rest a little longer. The more strength she has, the better.”
“You have to be joking,” Zoe said.
“We can’t stop now,” the doctor continued. “It worked—she recovered something from her past.”
“And nearly stopped breathing,” Zoe fired back.
“Memory recovery is tricky.”
“Tricky, yes, but life-threatening?” Zoe turned to Seeley, pleading with him to hear reason. “There has to be another way.”
Seeley exhaled and gave a slight nod. “What are the chances that happens to her again?”
“There’s no way to know,” Gina said. “But she’ll know what to expect this time. She’ll be better suited to handle her emotions. She was trained for situations like this. She just needs to tap into that.”
“No,” Zoe said. “This is crazy. She stopped breathing. You had to shock her with manual defibrillators to get her back to consciousness. What if that hadn’t worked?”
“It did work, and next time it won’t be as severe. She’ll learn as she goes,” Gina said.
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I have enough understanding of who Lucy is and where she comes from to believe she can handle this. You only see the scared teenage girl that stumbled into your diner. You’re doing her a disservice.”
Zoe almost laid into Gina, but Seeley raised his arms toward her to signal calm. “Everyone wants what is best for the situation here,” he said.
“No, I only want what is best for Lucy,” Zoe said.
“If you really understood what we’re dealing with, you would know that what is best for Lucy is to handle this situation,” Gina said.
“And if you kill her trying to recover memories, who wins then?” Zoe barked.
“She won’t kill me.” Lucy had entered from the opposite side of the kitchen. She looked small and tired, the usual optimism and light drained from her eyes.
“You should be resting,” Zoe said.
“I did.”
Quiet captured the kitchen as the four stood in awkward silence.
Gina cleared her throat. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I almost drowned,” Lucy said.
Zoe glanced over her shoulder and cut her eyes at Seeley, as if to say, She is not ready for more of this. He acknowledged her look and turned his attention to Lucy.
“We all have different ideas about how to proceed.” He took a step toward the girl. “But what do you want to do?”
Lucy dropped her eyes to the floor, her face turning contemplative. A moment stretched into a minute before she drew her eyes upward. “I want to remember. I want to remember all of it.” She looked at Zoe. “No matter the cost.” Then back to Gina. “I’m ready to try again.”
Zoe couldn’t shake the horrid feeling making its home inside her chest. She wanted to be optimistic about the outcome, but her instincts were telling her this path would lead Lucy to more darkness and pain.
“Excellent,” Gina said. “I’ll get everything prepped.” With that she left, heading back out the way she had come.
“I’ll give you guys a minute,” Seeley said.
“Actually,” Lucy said before he could move, “I’d like to have time alone.” She turned to Zoe and gave a half smile. “But you’ll be in there, right?”
“Together,” Zoe said.
Lucy gave a little nod and then, just as Gina had done, left the way she’d entered.
Zoe felt Lucy leave as much as she saw it. Warmth was pulled out of her as the girl walked away. She should rush after her, hold her close, tell her it would be better not to be alone when facing something so heavy. But she stayed in place.
She could feel Seeley behind her. She wondered if he felt the shift in Lucy as well. He claimed to have known her. Was she becoming more like the girl he’d trained? More like herself?
“Did they really do what she’s remembering?” Zoe asked. She turned to face him, to watch his face as he answered.
He didn’t shy away from her stare. He took it head-on and nodded. “Yes, they trained them all to withstand an immense amount of pain.”
“What other terrible things is she going to remember?”
“I want there to be another way too, Zoe.”
She huffed in disbelief and shook her head.
“Those terrible memories are worth her life,” Seeley said. “Because trust me, it’s her memories or her life. The men capable of nearly drowning a little girl over and over are looking for her. What do you think they’ll be willing to do to get what they want from her now?”
Zoe felt a rush of emotion wash over her. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she didn’t fight them. “I don’t know how to protect her.”
Seeley’s face softened, and he walked across the space that separated them. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and his touch quickened her pulse and drew heat back to her chest.