I nod. “Okay.”
“You can take my DNA, too. For a familial match,” Lucas adds and I gasp as my gaze flicks between the detective and the man I love. Rodriguez stares at him for a second before shaking his head.
“Are you sure about that, man? Are you sure about all of this?”
He nods. “Yeah, I am. All this time, I’ve been trying to save my brother and turns out, I’ve just been enabling him. And now he’s not just hurting himself but hurting other people as well. This is what has to be done. Who the hell knows, maybe going to jail will be just the thing he needs to turn his life around.”
A feeling of unease settles over me as Rodriguez nods but I push it down, focused on finally getting justice after all this time. Rodriguez nods.
“All right, then. Let’s do this.”
* * * *
“You okay?” Lucas asks as we pull into the driveway and I nod, avoiding his gaze. I’ve been quiet ever since we left the station because I know as soon as I open my mouth, the floodgates are going to burst free. All through the interview, as I told my story again and answered all the detective’s questions, my heart felt heavy for reasons that I couldn’t understand and as Lucas offered up his DNA to match the sample in my rape kit, my stomach was uneasy but it wasn’t until we were leaving and Lucas told Rodriguez that he hoped his brother would get the help he needed that I realized why. Lucas may have decided to turn his brother in and accompany me to the police station but our problems are far from solved and it hit me that, as much as I wish it wasn’t, this relationship may be past saving. Which is especially hard since neither one of us did anything to deserve this.
Things would be so much easier if either one of us was to blame for our demise.
“Where’s Alice and Brooklyn?” Lucas asks as we climb out of the truck and he scans the driveway.
“Alice took her to the park.”
On our way home, I texted Alice and told her I needed the house to myself for a little while. She was all too eager to comply. No doubt, her mind went right to the gutter. God, I wish that were the case instead of the conversation I have to initiate right now.
“What’s going on with you, Quinn? You’ve been weird since we left the station.”
I glance up at him. “We should talk inside.”
“Hey,” he urges, pulling me into his body at the base of the stairs. Just like every other time, his touch makes me melt but I have to fight it. “Just tell me what’s going on? Is it just going over everything again that’s got you so upset?”
Tears fill my eyes as I look up at him and shake my head. “Can we please go inside?”
He nods and wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk up the steps. I soak up his touch. I wish I could bottle the feeling so that, after today, when he’s gone and the nights feel impossibly long, I can open it up and let my heart not feel so damn broken for a moment.
“All right, we’re inside now. Tell me what’s going on,” he says as he closes the door behind us and I shake my head, butterflies flapping around in my belly.
“We should go sit down.”
He pulls me into his arms, a scowl twisting his handsome face. “I don’t want to sit down, Quinn. I want to know what’s going on with you.”
“Please,” I plead, barely holding the tears at bay. He searches my eyes for a second before he sighs and nods. Releasing me, he follows me as I walk into the kitchen. Glancing at the barstools, I know I’m too antsy to sit so I position myself on one side of the island and suck in a breath.
“I… don’t think this is going to work,” I whisper, my chest aching like nothing I’ve ever felt before and my eyes burn with tears. He stops in his tracks, studying my face.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
A tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away. “I think the…issues with your brother are too big for us to overcome.”
“No, they’re fucking not. Do you not remember me standing out on that porch only a few hours ago and telling you that I have no future without you?”
“I wish that was enough, Lucas.”
His brows furrow. “What do you mean it’s not enough? It’s everything.”
“How do you see this working out?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“What do you mean?”
My throat burns and my chest aches as my entire body screams for him to charge across the room and wrap his arms around me but if he did that, I know I would crumble.
“Obviously, your brother is going to jail for a while but what do you see for us after that? Do I have to endure family dinners with my rapist? Are you going to sneak around to see him and lie to me about it? Or will you resent me for taking him away from you?”
He shakes his head, dropping his gaze to the floor for a second. “I hadn’t thought about it all that much.”
“Well, I have.”
“What are you saying?” he asks, meeting my gaze again, and I wipe away a few more tears as they streak down my face.
“I’m saying that as much as we want this to work, I don’t see how it can.” The words taste like vinegar on my tongue and my body feels cold as I think about the obstacles in front of us. There are no good choices here. Every road I gaze down just leads to more heartbreak and it kills me. He shakes his head and rounds the island, pulling me into his arms.
“Don’t talk like that, baby. We’ll figure something out. I love you.”
Yanking myself out of his grip, I back up and shake my head. Why does he have to keep saying the things that will make this hurt more? The tears are falling faster now but I don’t care. “No, we won’t just figure it out, Lucas. You came here this morning and said you couldn’t walk away from me but I don’t think you can walk away from your brother either and I can’t live my life knowing the monster who tore my whole world apart could pop up at any moment. It would be hell.”
“He’s not a monster, baby. I know what he did to you was disgusting and horrific but that’s not who he is.”
A sob slips past my lips and I cover my mouth, trying desperately to regain some control over my emotions. I meet his eyes. “To me, he is always going to be a monster.”
“Stop calling him that,” he growls, shaking his head as he backs away from me.
“I can’t!” I yell through my tears. “He’s a monster in my eyes and I’m the bitch tearing two brothers apart. Those are our roles. Why can’t you see that?”
He blows out a breath and begins pacing back and forth across the floor, running his hand through his hair. “What the hell do you want me to do?”
“Nothing,” I whisper, my heart shattering into a million pieces. “There’s nothing you can do.”
His blue gaze snaps to mine and he shakes his head. “No, don’t you dare say that. I love you, Quinn.”
Goddamn it.
“And I love you,” I mumble, fighting back another sob. “But it’s not enough.”
“Shut up!” he shouts, crossing his arms over his chest as he resumes his pacing. “Don’t say that. I’ve never fucking felt this way about anyone before so it means everything. We’ll figure this out. Just don’t give up on us, baby.”