She pushes her bottom lip out in a pout and rubs at her eyes with a closed fist as big, crocodile tears well up in her eyes. They slide slowly down her chubby little cheeks and my heart breaks. Picking her up out of her crib, I cuddle her in my arms as I turn toward the rocking chair in the corner of the room. As I rock her back and forth, I hum a song and she lays her head on my shoulder, letting out a heavy, tearful sigh. I rub my hand across her back.
“What’s wrong, sweet baby?”
“Dada,” she mumbles before shoving her thumb in her mouth and I suck in a breath, tears stinging my eyes. Lord, how did we end up here? Only last week, I was blissfully in love and planning such a grand future for Brooklyn, Lucas, and me. Now, I don’t even know if we’re together, let alone if we have a future. I mean, how the hell could we?
“I know, sweetie,” I whisper, pressing my lips to her soft blonde hair. “What do you say we change your diaper and go find Auntie Alice for breakfast, huh?”
She lets out another sigh and I fight back tears as I stand and carry her over to her changing table. The cute little dress I laid out for her last night is laying on top of her dresser and I grab it before peeling her out of her pajamas and changing her diaper.
“Dada,” she says again, reaching toward the door and I spin around, my heart jumping into my throat only to fall when I see the empty doorway. Sucking in a breath as I turn back to Brooklyn, I shake my head and wipe a tear from her cheek.
“You got my hopes up, little girl.”
She reaches toward the door again. “Dada.”
“I miss him, too, Brookie.”
“Seems he’s missing you, too, if the truck parked across the street everyday for the last few days is any indication,” Alice says, stepping into the room and leaning against the doorframe. “You’ve seen it, right?”
I glance over at her and nod. “I’ve seen it.”
For the past few days, I’ve noticed Lucas’s truck periodically parked outside the house but he hasn’t gotten out and I haven’t worked up the nerve to go talk to him.
“Have you tried to talk to him?”
“No,” I scoff, my lip wobbling as I look away from her. “Too afraid that I’ll go out there and he’ll tell me that we’re done.”
“I don’t think he’ll do that, Quinn,” she whispers and I shake my head as I meet her eyes.
“You didn’t see his face, Al. I don’t know how we get past this.”
She nods. “Time will tell. Are you ready to go to the police?”
“I don’t know,” I mutter. Ever since seeing Clay’s face in the clubhouse, I’ve been trying to force myself to go down to the police station and pass the information along to a detective but I can’t seem to do it even though I know it has to be done. If it were any other man, he’d already be behind bars but it’s not any other man and it kills me to think about Lucas’s heartbreak over this whole thing.
“You need to do it. Just get it over with.”
I shake my head with a sigh. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand perfectly but your love for Lucas doesn’t change the fact that his brother attacked you!”
“It changes everything, Alice.”
She sighs, shaking her head in disgust. “So, what? You’re just going to let him get away with what he did because you fell in love with his brother? I was here with you the whole time, Quinn, and I know how much this stuff still affects you. Don’t think I didn’t hear you yelling in your sleep just twenty minutes ago.”
“Just give me a little more time.”
“And what if he’s out there hurting some other poor girl?” she asks and I turn to glare at her.
“Don’t you think I’ve already thought of that? I know what’s at stake here, Alice, but it’s not as easy as you’re making it out to be.”
She throws her hands up with a sigh. “But it is, Quinn. And I’m almost certain that with a little time, Lucas will understand why you had to do it.”
Brooklyn lets out a cry and I sigh as I finish buttoning her dress and pull her into my arms. Maybe she’s right. Maybe he would understand but if he doesn’t, if I lose him in this process, then turning my rapist over to the cops doesn’t feel like the victory that it should.
“I can’t talk about this any more right now.”
“Okay,” Alice sighs, holding her hands out for Brooklyn. “Pass her to me and I’ll get her some breakfast while you get ready for work but just know, that this conversation is not over.”
“I expected nothing less.”
She takes Brooklyn downstairs. I sigh as I go back to my room and rush through my morning routine all while trying to keep my mind off of Lucas and his brother. It’s not an easy task but I manage to shower and do my hair and makeup without tears welling up in my eyes. By the time I get dressed and walk downstairs, Brooklyn is playing in the living room with Alice watching over her.
“I’m sorry,” she says as I step into the room and I nod.
“I know.”
She wraps her arms around herself. “I just want justice for you, Sis. What happened to you… it can’t go unpunished.”
“I know that, too. None of this is as simple as it should be.”
“Yeah, I get that,” she sighs. “I left some eggs and hash browns on a plate for you in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”
I shake my head, grabbing my bag. “No. I’ll just grab something on my way.”
“You don’t have to leave so early on my account. I’ll shut up about this for now.”
Sighing, I glance toward the front door. “I just need some fresh air to clear my head.”
“Are you okay? I mean, obviously, this whole situation is fucked up on every level but are you really okay?”
“I don’t know how to answer that question, Alice. I was so happy, you know. So damn happy and I thought I had found the one person I could spend the rest of my life with and then we went to that baby shower. Now, I haven’t heard from him in days and I have to go down to the police station and send his brother to jail.” I let out a breath and brace my hands on the back of a chair as tears well up in my eyes. “This was supposed to be easy. I find the man who raped me and I go to the police so this all could finally be over. I just never expected the end of one nightmare to be the beginning of another.”
A tear slips down her cheek. She stands and wipes it away as she crosses the room and wraps her arms around me. A sob racks my body and I cling to her as the tears fall from both of our eyes.
“Have I told you lately how proud I am to be your sister?” she whispers. I shake my head.
“N-No, I don’t think you have.”
She pulls back and meets my eyes. “You’ve handled everything that’s been thrown at you with grace and so much strength. If it had been me, I think I would have just fallen apart but not you. You persevered when you had every reason to not to and I know you can do this, too, even though it feels impossible right now.”
“I don’t want to lose him,” I tell her, more tears falling as pain radiates from my chest and she nods.
“I know.”