Once I saw that Freddie was safely in Jamie’s arms, I went back to my sunlounger to try to think. But I continued watching the pool, Ella and my children like a hawk, especially Freddie.
‘Me and Freddie could go in the shallow end, you could join us then?’ Jamie said to Ella. And I thought, now he takes my child into the shallow end.
‘No, I don’t want to get wet, my hair extensions will be wrecked. I’ll come and sit by the side,’ Ella called, walking towards the pool. As she approached where I was lying, she bent down and picked up a nearby towel. ‘Please don’t tell Jamie how to interact with his son,’ she said, in a voice loud enough for me to hear. It was noisy with the children screaming and splashing, had it not been, someone – Dan – might have heard. Only seconds later, Joy arrived and settled down on a sunlounger not too far from me.
‘Did you enjoy your shopping, Joy?’ I asked. I wanted to gauge her reaction to me, see if there were any signs that Ella had said anything to her about me and Jamie.
She smiled and nodded. ‘Ella and I found some wonderful little boutiques. We’ll have go back with you Clare, if we have time.’
Judging by her reaction I doubted Ella had said anything. Yet. She was walking past us and must have caught the conversation.
‘I don’t think they’re Clare’s kind of shops,’ she said. ‘You’re not really into fashion, are you?’ She glanced over and looked me up and down as she walked by. I looked at Joy to see if she’d noticed, but she was already lying down, reading her book.
My heart sank. All I could think was this could now be my life, the constant remarks, the whisperings, the thinly veiled insults. And Ella wasn’t going to directly tell anyone the real gossip just yet – she would have her sport first.
She wandered towards the pool, hips swinging, carefully sitting down on the side of the pool. A photo, a selfie, the click, click, clicking of those manicured nails on the screen. She wasn’t paying any attention to Freddie, or any of the other kids – she wasn’t interested in them, it was clear to see. Then Violet swam over to her and started talking. Ella showed her pictures on her screen and they giggled together. Violet put her hand over mouth and glanced across at me. I could only imagine what Ella was showing her, but I couldn’t object. If I made a fuss, it would upset Violet and, in everyone’s eyes, I’d be causing another scene.
I was threatened by her around my kids, knowing what she knew and how much she hated me. Might she take it out on them? My insecurity was in overdrive and I suddenly heard myself calling the children. ‘Come on now, take some time out of the pool, it’s not good for you to be in water all day.’ Not surprisingly, they all started whingeing about Mummy’s unreasonable request. But I told myself they needed to rest, they needed time out of the sun, but my timing was no coincidence – I also wanted them away from Ella.
I was fully expecting for Ella to fight their corner, and try and overrule me, and I would have fought even harder. But I should have known, Ella was far cleverer. ‘Come on, you guys, Mum’s right,’ she yelled in an unusual show of support for me. ‘Jamie, you too,’ she said, smiling, and I wondered what she was up to.
Jamie pretended to sulk and threw the pink flamingo at her, which made the kids laugh. ‘I’m not getting out,’ Jamie yelled in a faux tantrum, which the children loved.
‘Uncle Jamie is allowed to stay in, isn’t he, Mum?’ Violet asked.
‘No, your mum won’t let him stay in either,’ Ella sighed, rolling her eyes.
‘Muuuum,’ Violet was saying from the water, ‘but we’re having fun.’
‘And you can have more fun later, but for now you need to get dried, put some more sun cream on and rest – in the shade.’
‘Don’t want to rest,’ she said, folding her arms, her face like thunder.
Dan was ignoring this. He’d taken Freddie from Jamie and was now delivering him at my feet, then collapsing on the sunlounger next to me.
‘Oh, I see your shift’s over,’ I said sarcastically.
‘You’re the one who wanted them out of the water,’ he snapped back and closed his eyes.
‘Pleeeeeeease.’ Alfie was standing in the shallow end, his hands in a prayer gesture, then Freddie stood up and started to wander back towards the pool on his own.
‘Freddie, Freddie,’ I called.
‘Pleeeease Muuummy,’ Alfie was saying on a bloody loop.
‘But you promised.’ Violet was now at my side, gently kicking my sunlounger. It wasn’t aggressive, just a rhythmical thud, thud, thud, punctuated every second thud by, ‘You promised’ in her sulky voice. Accompanied by ‘Muuummy’ from Alfie, and words from the conversation I’d had with Jamie, a cacophony filled my head. Freddie was now walking towards me on wobbly legs, his arms out, crying because I’d asked him to come back, and I wanted to cry too.
‘Muummy.’ Thud, thud. Freddie now screaming with tiredness and temper. ‘You promised.’ Violet’s foot hitting the wooden leg of the lounger. Thud, thud, thud… going through me like a heartbeat.
‘Violet, STOP THAT NOW!’ I yelled, surprising them, and myself.
For a moment, we all looked at each other, then Violet’s little chin began quivering, and she stormed off. I shouldn’t have shouted. They were kids on holiday and they wanted to have fun – they weren’t being naughty. I’d just stopped their fun, because I wanted them away from Ella.
‘Violet, Violet, come back,’ I called, but I couldn’t stop her because I couldn’t abandon the other two, who were now both sobbing.
‘They’re tired,’ I said to Dan, who had opened his eyes with the specific purpose of looking at me accusingly.
‘No, we’re not tired, Mummy, you’re mean!’ said my four-year-old.
‘Out of the mouths of babes…’ Dan murmured, turning around and pretending to sleep.
‘Oh fuck off, Dan,’ I hissed under my breath, but Alfie must have heard. He dramatically put two pudgy hands to his mouth, his eyes wide. I was horrified. ‘Sorry… Alfie, Mummy shouldn’t have…’
But my gregarious son needed an audience for this. We’d taught him to disapprove when other children said naughty words, so why not when mummies did too?
‘Granny, Granny, Mummy just used a swear,’ he yelled across the pool to Joy, who abandoned A Woman of Substance to half-heartedly attend to what I’m sure she viewed as this latest Clare-induced crisis.
‘Oh Alfie, I’m sure mummy didn’t,’ she said, smiling, while balancing Barbara Taylor Bradford on her knees.
But my little boy was keen to make sure Granny was furnished with the full facts of Mummy’s naughtiness, and he ran over and whispered something in her ear. Which, from the way Joy’s face drained of colour, was the f-word. But I didn’t have time to deal with her reaction because Violet was now sitting with Jamie and Ella, in tears, Ella’s arm around her, comforting her after the vile telling-off she’d just had from her evil mother. I didn’t know which way to turn, but just when I thought my children’s betrayal was done, I spotted Freddie making his way towards them too, and he was soon enjoying a comforting cuddle from his Uncle Jamie – who might really be his dad.