Sara tried to take in what he was saying; the idea of him setting up his own business so unexpected, the implications hadn’t really registered. His excitement was infectious, though, and a glimmer of hope ignited in her heart. Surely they could manage for a couple of months until the money came in. A conversation with the bank, maybe a temporary extension to their overdraft… Her administrative mind carried on working through the list, identifying what they’d have to do to make ends meet, and at the end of it, she allowed herself to consider the possibility that, actually, they were going to be okay.
Matt was still talking, bursting with enthusiasm for his new project. ‘It’s our future, love. I’ve wanted to be my own boss for ages. After I’d got over the shock of being laid off, and I got this email enquiry, I realised this is my opportunity to follow my dreams. Just get on and do it.’
‘Wow,’ she said again, unable to form a more coherent response, but Matt didn’t seem to notice.
‘I’m going to turn the garage room into a proper home office. I’ve already got electricity, broadband and heating in there, so that’ll be easy. A few more sockets maybe. Better lighting. Security system. Then I’ll need…’ He stopped talking and laughed, reaching out to stroke her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘There’s actually no point telling you the details, is there? You haven’t got a clue about this stuff.’
She put the glass down before she threw it at him. Why did he assume that because she didn’t understand IT-speak, she was clueless about everything? She was the one with the business studies degree, so she did understand about running a business – probably more so than he did. She kept her thoughts to herself, though, letting him ride the crest of his wave.
He took her other hand, making her look at him. ‘I’ve been costing it out. I’ve even been talking to suppliers today and sweet-talked some excellent discounts. I’m thinking it should take a month or so to get it all set up and ready. And the best news is that it’s only going to cost nine grand or thereabouts.’
She gasped, panic filling her head, making her pulse race. ‘But we haven’t got that sort of money, have we?’
He looked a bit taken aback, as though she was missing something obvious and he couldn’t quite believe she was being so dense. ‘I thought we could use the contingency fund. You know, the money your aunt left you. In fact, I was going to look for the account information today, then I remembered it’s in your name, so I can’t access it anyway. Ten grand, wasn’t it?’ Sara tried to hide her dismay, but he caught the change in her expression and his voice had a harder edge to it. ‘I know I said we shouldn’t take risks. Keep it in the bank for a crisis. But this is a crisis, love. And an opportunity at the same time. It would be an investment in our future. The kids’ future too.’
She chewed at her lip, unable to find a single thing to say. How could she tell him the money was no longer there?
He misread her silence and dropped her hand, his disappointment bringing a sudden coolness to the air and a snap to his voice. ‘Don’t you want me to be happy? Don’t you want me to follow my dreams?’
She cleared her throat. ‘Of course I do, love. It’s just a lot to take in, and I think… I think… Is that the pasta burning?’ She grabbed the oven gloves and pulled the dish out of the oven, putting it on the hob, where it bubbled and spat. ‘Just in time.’ She gave him a quick smile. ‘Let’s talk about it later, when the kids are in bed and I’ve got a clear head, okay?’
He nodded, mouth twisting from side to side. ‘Sorry I went off on one. I’m just so pumped about the whole thing. I truly believe I’m on to a winner.’
‘It sounds exciting. Honestly it does.’ She tried to force some enthusiasm into her voice. ‘But you’re going to have to explain it a bit more, so I understand exactly what we’re investing in. Because once that money’s gone… well, there’s no getting it back.’
She loathed her own hypocrisy, telling him this when she had been lured by the promise of high returns and put everything in that one investment.
What’s Matt going to say when he finds out?
Her heart clenched at the thought of smashing his dreams. Seeing him so full of optimism and ideas reminded her of the young man she’d first met at university. He’d just started his first job on the help desk there and had come to sort out an IT problem for her. He was funny and kind and didn’t make her feel stupid, and the ideas he had, his take on the world, were so refreshing and different, she’d quickly become besotted with him. Somehow, in the intervening years, that spark had been extinguished, the pressures of life robbing him of the joy she’d seen on his face just moments ago. She couldn’t take that away from him. Not when he’d clearly been slogging away in a job he wasn’t really enjoying for her sake. For the family’s sake.
I can’t let him down like that, can’t jeopardise our future. But she was going to have to think of something pretty damned quick to make sure that didn’t happen.
Chapter Eight
By the time the kids were all settled in bed, Matt was pacing the floor in his eagerness to discuss his plans further. Sara felt the contents of her stomach lurch as soon as she entered the lounge and realised that she couldn’t avoid the conversation any longer. I’m going to have to confess. Bile shot up her throat and she dashed back upstairs, just making it to their en-suite bathroom before she was sick.
She knelt on the floor in front of the toilet as her stomach heaved until there was nothing left. Exhausted and shaken, she leant against the bath, her heart hammering in her chest, nausea swirling around her belly, making her reluctant to move. Footsteps thumped up the stairs and Matt appeared in the doorway.
‘You okay, love?’ His face was etched with concern.
She shook her head, her voice feeble. ‘Just feeling a bit sick. Must have picked up a bug or something.’
‘It wasn’t my cooking, was it?’ he joked, but she could see the worry on his face. He always struggled to know what to do when she was ill.
‘I had a prawn sandwich for lunch and forgot to put it in the fridge at work. I think it must be that.’ She couldn’t look at him in case he could see the lie in her eyes. Her sickness was nerves, pure and simple, with a side helping of fear. When did I get scared of telling him the truth? she wondered, then told herself not to be so ridiculous. There was nothing scary about her husband. Nothing.
‘Let’s get you into bed,’ he said, helping her up from the floor. ‘Can I get you anything? Hot water maybe, to settle your stomach?’
She shook her head. ‘No thanks, I think I just need to lie down.’
‘Don’t worry about the business stuff,’ he said as he helped her to the bed. ‘We can talk about that tomorrow.’ She changed into her pyjamas before slipping under the covers and he sat beside her, stroking her hair away from her face, fingers caressing her cheek. His tenderness made her feel even worse. A sudden sob caught in her throat and she turned away from him, burying her face in the duvet so he wouldn’t see how upset she was.
He left her alone, saying he was going to start work on setting up his office, and as soon as she heard the back door close, she hopped out of bed and retrieved her phone from the pocket of her jeans.