He looked at her, eyebrows raised, clearly surprised by her response and she found herself caught in a surreal landscape that her brain was struggling to register. She’d surrendered herself completely, put herself at his mercy, and now that he’d given her a way out, it appeared her mind wouldn’t accept it. Could it possibly be this easy?
‘It’s a genuine offer, Sara. I honestly just want to help, and tell me… what’s the alternative?’
He got off the desk and walked back to his chair, letting his question hang in the air while he settled himself, waiting for her to say something. But words wouldn’t come, because now she thought about it, there really was no alternative.
Her throat tightened. She couldn’t imagine the consequences if the police were involved. She’d go to prison, as sure as night followed day. And what would happen to her family then?
‘Thank you,’ she said, before she could think about it any more, a tacit acceptance of his offer.
He gave her a smile. ‘Here’s the deal. I’ll pay back what you stole.’ The word ‘stole’ loomed large in her mind, and she understood then that whatever the deal was, she’d readily accept. ‘You can pay me back as and when you have the money.’
She chewed at her lip, unable to believe she’d got away with her misdemeanour quite so easily.
‘And in the meantime, while you’re in my debt, you can do me a little favour.’
Chapter Eleven
Sara couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but stare at James, who still had that gentle smile on his face. Then he laughed. ‘Don’t look so worried. It won’t be anything horrible. It gets you out of trouble and it helps me out too.’
A favour?
She swallowed, her voice wavering. ‘I’ve no idea what you’re suggesting.’ It doesn’t matter. Do anything, whatever it takes, a voice in her head was shouting at her. It sounded like her mother. He’s letting you off! You’ve escaped.
She remembered whispered conversations in the kitchen at home, when she’d been back there with her mum: ‘Sometimes you’ve got to do unsavoury things. Just grin and bear it if it helps you get through another day or week.’ Her mother was pragmatic, a woman whose dreams had come to nothing and had learnt that life had a seedy underbelly when you ran out of money and had two kids to look after. She’d drifted from man to man, becoming a hollow shell of the cheerful mum Sara liked to remember, the essence of her more faded every time her daughters were allowed to see her. Until the day she overdosed. Accidental or intentional, it was never clear, but Sara hoped she was finally at peace.
Now Sara was older, with her own family, she understood what a struggle life had been for her mum. Yes, she’d made bad choices, but at the time she’d made them, she’d been doing her best.
I’ve got to do what’s right for my family, and going to prison isn’t an option.
She looked at James and steeled herself. His eyes were very blue, she noticed, with a navy ring round the edge, the first time it had really registered with her. Kind eyes, she thought.
He’s doing me a favour, she reassured herself. Getting me out of trouble. Being nice. But then a more unsettling thought wormed its way into her head. Does he want sex? Is that what he means? She could feel herself squirming inside, a nest of snakes in the pit of her belly. I can’t. I can’t do that. Apart from the fact the idea of it appalled her, it would be the end of her marriage if Matt found out.
James laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement. ‘You look like you think I’m going to eat you alive. I’m not proposing anything illegal or immoral. I just need an occasional companion.’ He folded his arms across his chest. ‘Nothing romantic, I promise. It’s just embarrassing turning up to business events on my own, and to be honest, it would be nice to have some company. Dad can’t do these things any more, so I need someone who can help me sweet-talk people into giving me good deals. Suppliers, buyers, clubs. That sort of thing.’
Her body sagged with relief and she leant back in her chair, head spinning. She tried to smooth her panic into some semblance of calm. It didn’t sound onerous, what he was suggesting. Her hands gripped each other more tightly as she thought it through. I can wangle the odd night out without Matt knowing. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? The voice in her head made it sound like the logical thing to do.
She nodded, glanced up at him. ‘Okay.’
He put out his hand and they shook on the deal, his clasp firm, his palm dry against her sweaty skin.
There, I’ve done it. Whatever happens, it’ll be worth it.
And the truth was, she believed it.
Her giving Matt the money had energised him, and he’d set about organising his new business with a focus and commitment she hadn’t known he possessed. In fact, in the last couple of weeks, she’d hardly seen him. As soon as she came home, they’d eat and then he’d head off into his office and work all evening, having had to pick up Ezra from nursery and look after him for the afternoon. The pattern of their life was like a game of tag, but he was happy and that was the important thing, their argument a thing of the past while he was focused on their future.
He won’t even notice if I go out for the evening, she thought, as she scurried out of the office on the pretext of making coffee while she let the ramifications percolate through her mind. Hailey would be happy to come and keep an eye on the kids for a few hours, and she made a mental note to ring her, prime her for babysitting duties. Shall I tell her? she wondered as she spooned coffee into cups and filled them from the water heater. No, she decided, shocked that she’d even considered it. No way could she tell her sister what she’d done. She could hear her now, shouting at her, disgust in her voice. ‘Have you learned nothing from our childhood? From what Mum went through?’
It appeared that in some ways she hadn’t. In fact, she could understand why her mum had made some of the decisions that had led her into trouble, always trying to do what was best for her children, even if it was illegal, or had horrible consequences. She’d done it for them, and although it had backfired on more than one occasion, she’d always felt the risk was worth taking. Or maybe she’d found herself backed into a corner and her choices had narrowed down to one? Her mum used to say she was the unluckiest person on earth. Hailey thought she was reckless, lacking something in her make-up that alerted her to unacceptable risk. She and Sara had talked about it many a time, promising each other they wouldn’t make the same mistakes.
It’s not the same, Sara told herself as she stirred milk into the steaming coffee. I’m just doing a lonely guy a favour, that’s all. She replayed James’s words in her mind and nodded to herself. A couple of nights out at business dos. No harm in that, and it was certainly better than the alternative. It’s only temporary, she reminded herself, until I can pay him back.
By the time she returned to the office, James’s offer didn’t sound too bad. The occasional night out might even be quite nice, mixing with movers and shakers. It would lift her out of her humdrum existence, and James could be quite funny, so spending a bit of time with him might not be such a terrible thing. It wasn’t like a blind date or anything; wouldn’t be awkward in that way. And if she’d read it wrong and he started making moves on her, then she’d tell him the deal was off and accept the consequences.