Shaking the question from her mind, she sat back down at the table and remembered that her earlier question had gone unanswered. Why was Hailey here in the first place?
‘Did Matt ring you? Ask you to come round?’ She frowned. ‘Because that’s not fair if he did.’
Hailey took a big glug of her tea, put her mug down. ‘No. I’ve been having a bit of a clear-out now Cassie’s away. I was sorting through her clothes and there’s loads of stuff she’s grown out of that I thought might fit the girls.’
‘Oh, right. Good. Thank you.’ It wasn’t what Sara was expecting to hear and it put her on the back foot for a moment. She looked around for bags of clothes. ‘Go on then, let’s have a look at what you’ve got.’
Hailey gave an embarrassed laugh, a flush of pink colouring her cheeks. ‘That’s the stupid thing. I packed it all up in bags and managed to leave them at home. Honestly, I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.’
Sara stared at her sister, who was picking at a bit of egg that was stuck to the table, left over from breakfast. She had the definite feeling there was something Hailey wasn’t telling her, the clothes an excuse to cover up the real reason why she was in her house. But then I’m not being up-front either, am I?
She chewed at her lip – on the brink of telling Hailey what she’d done – then stopped herself. Hailey worked in a position of trust and had a close relationship with the police, several of the young people she worked with being ex-offenders or deemed to be at risk of offending. What if she tells me to confess or go to the police? She gave an involuntary shiver, knew she couldn’t risk it. She couldn’t quiz Hailey about the real reason she was in her house either, because getting secrets out of her sister was a tricky challenge at the best of times – she had a tendency to go on the attack, winning arguments between them by shouting the loudest, which would upset Ezra. Ruin the whole evening trying to settle him down again.
They drank their tea in silence, Sara thinking that her life was veering out of control, the people around her dancing to a tune she couldn’t hear, moving to a rhythm she couldn’t grasp. She rubbed the muscles at the back of her neck, where the tension tended to knot them together, staring at the table, eyes unfocused as her thoughts whirled on a continuous loop.
‘I’m not sure this full-time working is doing you any good,’ Hailey said, apropos of nothing. Sara glanced across at her, saw concern in her eyes. ‘You’re looking stressed. What you need is a spa day. A bit of pampering and relaxation.’
Sara huffed. ‘Chance would be a fine thing. It’s not something we can afford at the moment. And I’m fine, thanks.’ She gave her sister a watery smile. ‘Honestly. It’s just a new routine, that’s all. With all the changes, it’s taking time to settle into the swing of things.’
Hailey finished her tea and stood up. ‘Well, I’ll get out of your hair.’ She slung her bag over her shoulder and grinned. ‘See you at football practice on Thursday.’
Sara watched her go, so many concerns filling her head, all the unanswered questions building up to create an almighty headache. She got up and found some paracetamol in the cupboard, swallowed them down and massaged her temples.
As a mother, she’d always been at the heart of her family, but since Matt had started his business and she’d been working full-time, she felt on the edge of everything, out of touch with her family’s lives.
Something’s going to change, she promised herself.
Chapter Thirteen
Once the paracetamol had begun to take effect and her headache had subsided, Sara was clearer about how to put her world to rights. She was not going to do anything too confrontational, nothing up-front and accusatory, even though a voice in her head was shouting at her to ask her family over their evening meal what the bloody hell was going on and why none of them were talking to her about it.
She would bide her time, wait for the right moment.
Typically, the girls and Matt disappeared as soon as they’d eaten, while she was still struggling to get Ezra to finish off the last of his vegetables. Once he was settled in bed, though, she popped her head round the door of the girls’ room, where they were lying on the floor watching something on the laptop.
She noticed their wide eyes, the shocked expressions when they saw her in the doorway, before Amelia tapped a few keys and slammed the laptop shut. Sara frowned. What were they watching? They had parental controls on the internet, but she was never sure how effective they were. The girls seemed to be addicted to YouTube, people playing practical jokes and doing weird tricks. Or they watched football training. That was what they told her anyway.
‘Mum, you can’t just walk in,’ Sophia snapped. ‘You’ve got to knock!’
Amelia’s face was blotchy – red round the eyes like she’d been crying – and she turned away, got up and started tidying the clothes that lay strewn all over her bed. She was the messy one. Sophia was the opposite. Two halves of a whole.
‘Since when?’ Sara asked, hands on her hips. This was the first she’d heard of it, and she objected to Sophia’s tone of voice.
‘Since we stopped being little girls,’ Sophia said, sitting back on her heels.
‘You all right, Milly?’ Sara advanced into the room, concerned that Amelia was upset, but she turned round with a big grin on her face.
‘’Course I am. We were just watching these funny videos and it made me laugh so much I was crying. Didn’t you hear us? Soph told me off for being too loud in case I woke Ezra.’
Sara studied her face, knew there was more to it. She sat on Amelia’s bed, next to the pile of clothes. ‘I just wanted to thank you both for all the extra jobs you’ve being doing round the house since I’ve been working more. It’s been a big help.’
The girls shared a look. Sophia leant against her bed. Amelia went to sit next to her. ‘That’s okay,’ Amelia said with a sniff, bowing her head as she swiped her hands across her face. Sara wasn’t buying the crying-with-laughter story. She knew her daughter, and Amelia was definitely upset.
‘Look, you two. I know there’s something going on. And I just wish…’ She stopped herself, the tone all wrong. Tried again, her voice softer, the accusation gone. ‘I want you to know that I’m here for you both. If you’ve got a problem…’ she gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile, ‘well, I can help you.’
The girls stared at her, nodded in unison, their faces blank. She waited. The silence filled her ears, tension crackling through the air like static.
‘I heard you say to Auntie Hailey that you’d been having a chat. It’s nice that you can do that, isn’t it?’
The girls nodded again.
‘But I’d really like it if you’d chat to me too.’ Emotion swelled in Sara’s chest, her voice cracking. ‘I just feel that recently I’ve been closed out of your lives, and I… well, I miss you.’
The girls looked uneasy now, shuffling closer together on the bed, Amelia’s arm snaking round Sophia’s waist. Solidarity.
‘You don’t have time to chat, Mum. That’s the problem,’ Sophia said eventually. ‘Auntie Hailey is used to talking to people our age. She knows what goes on.’