She arrived at work feeling flustered and definitely not equal to the myriad tasks she had lined up for the day, her mind fixated on her row with Matt and his final words. A couple of groups were booked in to the centre, and one was using the kitchen for a course about healthy eating for families. There was a lot to organise. And the board meeting was coming up, so she had reports to prepare for that, as well as a list of information Fiona wanted to have a look at for a new project that was under development.
By the time James arrived at noon to go through the board meeting papers, she was teetering on the edge of losing control. He gave her a warm smile and shrugged off his coat, hung it on the hook behind the office door.
‘Are you okay, Sara?’ He frowned. ‘You look a little… out of sorts.’
She shuffled a bundle of papers together for him, unable to meet his eye. ‘Fine. I’m fine,’ she said, her voice cracking. She handed him the documents and sat opposite, ready to go through them. ‘It’s going to be a bit of a struggle to get everything ready this afternoon, though.’ She straightened the pages in front of her, vision blurry as sudden tears filled her eyes. ‘Do you think it will matter if the reports don’t go out until tomorrow?’
‘Hmm, Fiona’s a bit of a stickler for making sure people have time to read everything, isn’t she?’ Although he hadn’t directly said it, the answer was yes, it did matter. She would have to stay late now if she was going to get everything done.
A tear escaped and ran down her cheek. She gritted her teeth and wiped it away. Get a grip, will you? But none of her techniques for calming herself down were working. Another tear escaped. Thankfully, James didn’t notice as he scanned the agenda and flicked through the supporting papers. He asked her a question, and she fidgeted in her seat as she counted backwards again, willing the tears to stop, not hearing a word he said.
‘Hey, you’re not okay, are you?’ James’s concern broke her concentration, and her emotions took control. She couldn’t look at him – mortified that she’d got herself so upset – and now the first tears had escaped, more soon followed, her body shaking with the effort of stopping the sobs that wanted to erupt from her throat.
His hand stretched across the desk and rubbed her arm. ‘Is there anything I can do? Can I get you a drink or something?’ He handed her the box of tissues and she took one, wiping her face, her cheeks burning with shame. Why am I being such an idiot? You can’t do this at work. Come on, shape up!
She heard him get up and leave the room, and she took a few deep breaths, pinching the bridge of her nose as she tried to stem the flow of tears. By the time he came back, carrying a tray with drinks and cookies that the group of mums in the kitchen had been baking, she’d managed to calm herself enough to stop crying and at least felt able to speak.
James put the tray on the desk. ‘Look, you can tell me to mind my own business if you like, but if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m happy to listen.’ He shrugged. ‘It helps to share, doesn’t it?’
She let out a long breath, felt that she owed him an explanation if they were going to put this behind them and get on with the meeting. ‘Oh, I had a row with Matt before work this morning and it’s thrown me. He’s completely focused on setting up his business and… well, my full-time month comes to an end in a couple of weeks but he says we can’t afford for me to stop and I need to be more supportive. I’m so worried about money, but then there’s the kids…’ She halted, embarrassed, her mind in knots. ‘I feel so torn.’ Her voice clogged with tears. ‘I don’t know what to do for the best.’
He took a cookie, then held out the plate to her. ‘Special recipe. Low sugar, high fibre, apparently.’ She watched him take a bite and nod appreciatively. ‘Not bad.’ He gave her a reassuring smile and she noticed, for the first time, that he had dimples.
‘Okay, well… I’ve been meaning to talk to you about hours. Other than Christmas, this is the busiest time of year for Dad’s business, so I really have to be there more over the summer months. I’ve already spoken to Fiona and said that I can only do a day a week for the foreseeable future, and she’s agreed to continue your full-time hours until September.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘I was going to talk to you about it when we’d gone through these papers, but you beat me to it. Does that help?’
Sara sighed, threw up her hands. ‘But the point is, I can’t do it. I’ve got the kids. I can’t do everything.’
‘Well, I don’t think you’re in a position to refuse, are you?’
She looked at him, startled. ‘What do you mean?’ Is he going to force me to do it? Can he do that?
‘If you’re the breadwinner at the moment, the show must go on, mustn’t it? It’s just how life works, unfortunately. If you and Matt have switched roles, then childcare is surely his concern, not yours.’ He finished his cookie, wiped crumbs from his lips with a tissue. ‘Looking at things in the round, if the two of you are a team, then I’d say, however much you don’t want to hear this, you need to work full-time.’ He held up his hands. ‘Your call, although Fiona was insistent that you wanted full-time hours, and if you decide that you will do the job over the summer… well, you’d be doing me a favour.’
She blinked. A favour? She’d thought the favours he’d previously alluded to were like interest payments on the debt she owed him – something she had to do before she found the cash to pay him back – but now she wondered if there was another possibility, a way to get rid of the debt faster. Was it going to sound cheeky? She cleared her throat, urged herself on. ‘Can I ask if you’d consider this favour as part repayment for the debt?’
She held her breath, waiting for his answer.
He took a sip of his tea. Considered for a moment before he spoke. ‘Well, if you want it to be, I suppose we could take it into account. But I’d still need you to come to events with me.’
He was being obtuse. She frowned. ‘But you’d take a favour instead of money? I mean, by doing this, I’d reduce my debt to you?’
He pursed his lips, nodded. ‘Yes, why not. If it makes you feel better and it gives us both what we need, then yes.’
They sat in silence for a moment while she thought it through, relieved by his answer but slightly annoyed with Fiona for making assumptions without speaking to her first. Still, she had asked Fiona for the extra hours and hadn’t really spoken to her since, assuming that she’d know she would want to stop for school holidays, same as she’d done at Easter.
Christ, life’s got complicated!
She sighed. James was right, she didn’t have a choice.
‘It’s okay, I’ll work over half-term. And keep doing full-time over the summer.’ She wondered how she’d tell the kids. But at least Matt would be happy now, and as James had said, if they’d swapped roles, then sorting out childcare was as much Matt’s responsibility as hers.
‘Excellent.’ James smiled at her and picked up another cookie, but hesitated before taking a bite. ‘Talking about our deal… I have a networking meeting next week. In Harrogate. There’s a dinner on the Thursday night if you’re free? It’s a new thing, organised by a local business group I’ve just been introduced to, where suppliers and buyers get together. Apparently, there’s a lot of potential to strike good deals, so I really could do with your help. Getting the right price on stock can save us thousands.’