“Fuck,” he whispered. The crowd of guys gathered around and choruses of sorry led to Skye biting her lip.
She was so fucking brave.
We were together when we found him, lying on the bed, peaceful. The only sign something was wrong was the blood trailing from his nose. I’ll never forget the sound she made. A high-pitched howl. Sobs. Cries of “no”. Complete and utter devastation. She was mine from that moment, in my head and heart at least. More than friendship. A desire to heal, to protect. To wrap her up and tuck her inside me, even if she fought against it. An instinct kicked in; nothing would hurt her again. I’d protect her from what was to come because she’d already experienced the worse. I was there for her when she cried, arranged the funeral when the burden became too heavy for her to handle. I held her up as we walked behind the coffin, me on one side and Stacey on the other. I sat at the graveside with her, read the notes on the flowers, found her drunk and alone when she lost her way. In those raw moments I almost told my feelings, but as she finally fell asleep, my hand stroking her hair and wiping her tears away I played it out in my head, ordered the words, rehearsed it until I watched our friendship blow up around me. A slow-motion action scene where we were both blown to pieces. A fiery wreckage in the background. Nope, couldn’t tell her. Skye was in my life in the truest form, telling her how I felt could lead to her walking away. How could a friendship come back from that? The destruction of a one-sided love affair?
She caught my eye and I smiled, boosting her on to tell her story.
So fucking brave.
“That’s why I do this. My brother left me a letter. He was still trying to come to terms with his sexuality, but he’d had unprotected sex for the first time a few weeks before and he was convinced he’d contracted HIV. He didn’t have the knowledge or support to help him through, to answer his questions, and he became fixated. I can’t let that happen again.” She handed the guys some leaflets about the support services the clinic provided and talked through the groups that she had been instrumental in developing since Elliott’s death. “You don’t need to struggle. Support is out there, if it’s about safe sex or accepting your sexuality, there is help.”
“I think you’re amazing to do this,” one of them said.
“Can I bring my mum to a group? She’s having a hard time accepting I’m gay,” said another.
“Yeah, of course. I did that with my brother too,” Skye said, handing him a leaflet. “This is the supporter’s group. We’re constantly looking at adding to it and looking at different types of research.” She stopped and looked around before grabbing a notebook from one of the boxes. “Do you guys have a few minutes to answer some questions?” They all agreed, and her smile returned. “We’re at the really early stages of looking at how porn influences younger people. Good or bad.” There was a lot of laughter and innuendos. Skye handled it like the champ she is. A great mix of joining in and trying to steer them into more serious conversation. “When did you start watching porn? Were you really young or are you just discovering it?”
“Young,” they all laughed.
“Listen, I know that many of you are watching porn to get your rocks off. That’s fine. I do too.” Oh holy fuck. I shook an image of Skye’s hand sliding to her– “But do you think that’s the reality of sex? Did it excite you or scare you?”
“Scare,” one guy replied. “I was just coming to terms with finding guys sexy for fuck’s sake. I searched the internet and found gay porn. I was in this weird mix of being turned on and terrified that I’d need to be as good as them the first time and they were really going for it. Almost violently.”
“It’s daunting,” one guy added. “Obviously, porn is going to be good. They’re not going to show two guys who don’t know what they’re doing but…yeah. I was intimidated.”
“What intimidated you the most?”
“Oral sex, anal sex, knowing what would feel good, not wanting to do anything wrong.”
“I watched porn that showed a gang bang. I was horrified but couldn’t look away,” a guy laughed. “It does make you think about relationships and what’s expected.”
“So, it made you think sex was like that? Multiple partners, violence, being made to do something you don’t want to?” Skye asked.
“I’ve had sex where it was nothing like I’d watched in porn,” another guy said. “It was loving and…nice, and I think you know the difference when you have that experience.”
“What if you’re a young person who doesn’t have sexual experiences but is interested in exploring sex and, therefore, is inevitably led to porn? Would that skew your view?”
“I think so, yeah. There’s some hardcore shit out there that anyone can access at any time. It fucks you up.”
“Have you found porn that is more reflective of what sex is like in a relationship?” Skye asked. I turned my back, busied myself and took the opportunity to adjust my throbbing cock. Skye and sex talk. This had never happened before and my dick was taking notice.
“It’s out there, but the hardcore stuff is more popular.”
“It’s the first thing you see when you search.”
“Interesting,” she replied thoughtfully.
“You’re led down a porn rabbit hole.”
“Thanks guys, that’s been helpful,” Skye said, tapping the pen to her lips. I was having a hard time taming my hard-on and I didn’t need a group of teenagers noticing my bulge. I picked up one of the boxes and sat down with it on my lap as the guys left. Skye had an arched eyebrow that only meant one thing. She was scheming.
“What?” I asked, ignoring how beautiful she looked when she was cooking up a plan.
“I want to make a porn film,” she replied and hell, this wasn’t helping my situation.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I want to make a porn film…one that shows the reality and normality of sex but is still sexy as fuck.” She shook off her leather jacket and the corset from my wet dream came into full view. Lacy and see-through, her skin peeking out, just enough and not enough all at the same time. The cup hugged her breasts, creamy skin adjusting as she breathed, jiggling as she laughed. Animated breasts were not helping my situation. I was feeling panicked now, sexual excitement was on a journey through my veins, I was about to burst, a feeling of what the fuck do I do now vibrated along the back of my neck.
“Skye-”
“Don’t talk me out it, Will,” she replied and before I could say, Actually, I think it’s a great idea. You and me on the table. I’ll set up my phone in the corner and set record, let’s go! she got up and placed her hands on my shoulders. The room went black at this point, spinning. Her boobs were nearer eye level and I was sure I could make out a nipple. “I’m going to make a porn film and you, my friend, are going to help me.”
Oxygen was heading south but my head was slowly catching up with her. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re a photographer, right?”
“Technically I’m a journalist who works for a photography magazine–”