My cheeks heated remembering the night at her apartment. Her chocolate eyes glowed with a strange excitement.
“It’s not—”
“You watched me, didn’t you? You saw me go down on Jill in my room.”
She knew. She knew I was there. “I-I’m sorry,” I stammered like an idiot, the heat of my shame traveled down my neck spreading furiously as I stood in front of Taylor who probably thought I’d invaded her privacy.
“You’re sorry for what?” She angled her head and ran her hands over my shoulder gently. “Did you like what you saw? Did you watch as I lapped Jill’s pussy and imagined me touching you?”
What the hell? My reaction was sluggish, and I forced myself to respond. “No.” This was wrong. Everything felt like a camera lens that was out of focus. This whole evening started off like a runaway Amtrak on a rickety track about to fly off the rails.
“I saw your reaction, Theo. Don’t lie. Don’t be ashamed. I watched how your cheeks were tinged in pink like they are now. How you clenched your thighs together. How your fingers dug into your palm trying to fight the urge to touch yourself as you watched.” Her hands ghosted down my sides. “Don’t be ashamed to admit your sexuality. Or what turns you on.” She leaned in whispering into my cheek, “You were burning up like a bitch in heat. I saw the unbridled lust in Roman’s eyes before he carried you away. Did he fuck you? Did he take care of the burning hunger fueled by me?” Her mouth brushed my skin.
“Stop, Taylor.” I shoved her away. Feeling uneasiness build in my stomach. This was all twisted and wrong. I needed to find answers and get the hell out of here.
She giggled as her hands clasped the edge of the desk. “You are a little spitfire, aren’t you? No wonder Roman takes such pleasure in his poor little waif from the wrong side of the tracks. Do you get him so riled up that he loses control? I bet you do. You like the power you have over him, don’t you?”
“Why are you doing this?” I asked feeling as though everything that conspired between Taylor and I was premeditated. Calculated. As if there was a reveal everyone knew about except me. Why would she care about Roman if she didn’t love him? Or didn’t want him in that way?
“Because I can.” She cradled her head between her hands as she stared off into space. “Because you’ve always acted holier than thou as though you’re just an innocent girl above everyone else. When we both know you’re a liar. When we both know you want me, too.”
Oh my God. My mouth hung open in shock. Maybe I’d watched Taylor with Jill, but I’d never looked at Taylor in that way. “No. That’s not true.”
“It is true!” She raised her voice and slammed her fist down on the desk causing her glass to fall over and shatter on the tile below. She’d never raised her voice or lost her composure. My sense of self preservation was kicking in. “Look what you made me do.” She announced to herself dipping her head in frustration.
“Taylor?”
She pressed her palm to her forehead. “Do you know what it’s like to have to live a lie? Do you know what it’s like to have someone holding information over your head?”
What was she talking about? Before I could process her words, the door opened, and I almost sighed in relief as I saw the dark head bent over as he shouldered through the door. Roman. However, when he lifted his head, I knew I was mistaken. The eyes were not the perfect mixture of caramel and expresso. They were pure black gazing at me like wounded prey. His face leaner more angled. His thinning lips quirked in a sinister smile. He closed the door behind him, locking it as he leaned against the engraved wood. Watching me in eerie silence, his eyes shifted to Taylor. “Is our Theodora being stubborn again?” Antoni shoved off the door stalking slowly toward the desk.
Antoni
“Why are you so cold?” Mamá asked me one day after school. I think I was in the first grade, and the teacher had written a note on my behavior chart about how I’d hurt one of my classmate’s feelings because we were outside and someone wanted to be my friend and I’d said, “I don’t need friends nor do I ever want to be your friend.”
That incident turned into others that were similar in nature, I guess, until the teacher called a conference with my parents. The teacher suggested I meet with the school counselor several times a week to learn how to be a “good friend.” I remember thinking the whole idea was idiotic and that night I overheard my mother and father arguing over me in their bedroom.
“This whole situation is preposterous. Is this the result I get from paying for the finest schooling around? I should have that teacher fired. Who the hell does she think she is telling me how to raise my son?”
“Robert, she has a point,” my mother said. “He’s a child and I’m concerned about him.”
“So what? He doesn’t share feelings, big fucking deal. I didn’t raise him to be a pussy. I want him to be strong, like me. Take the world by the horns because weakness gets you nowhere in life.”
“He’s a child,” she repeated. “He needs to know how to build relationships, make friends.”
“Por favor, Virginia, he’ll make friends. Jesucristo. He’s in elementary school. His teacher is tossing out all this psychology, hippie, love one another bullshit when she should be focused on the academics.”
“He has no empathy!” my mother yelled, and I cringed not even knowing what the word meant, but I knew Mamá thought I was bad. She’d always believed I was the bad seed. “He’s detaching himself from people, Robert. Don’t you care? I went in his room this morning after he left for school and the teddy bear his abuela had given him when he was a baby was destroyed along with other stuffed animals. All the heads were severed.” I shrugged who cared about stupid dolls?
“So what? He was messing around and probably thought he was too old to play with them, which he is. He doesn’t need to be playing with stuffed animals.”
“You’re really going to defend his behavior. You don’t see a problem? Roman is not like that. He has friends. He experiences hurt. He has feelings. Do you ever see Antoni cry?” Anger bubbled up inside me when I heard her praise my older brother. I always knew my mother favored Roman, and now I had proof.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake. Roman is over emotional. I told you I didn’t raise my boys to be sniveling fools. Antoni is fine. At least he doesn’t cry or complain or get his feelings hurt.” I was beaming with pride at my dad’s words. He thought I was strong.
“If you believe that, Robert, you’re part of the problem. He’s just a—”
“Don’t you dare tell me he’s a fucking child again!” my father roared. “He’s my son. My flesh and blood. If anyone needs to look in the mirror, it’s you for trying to baby our boys. At least Antoni knows what it means to carry the Martinez name.”
I heard rustling around and my mother’s voice, “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Out, Virginia, it’s been a shit day, and I don’t need to deal with this from you. At least I can find someone else who is kind and will show empathy to me.” I heard heavy steps approach and ran away from the door making it to my room before I heard the click of the handle.