“Who are you?” he asked David abruptly.
“David and I work together at the bookstore,” I said quietly. “Remember, that job I just had to have?”
West pursed his lips and then laughed. “Okay. Well, it’s nice to meet someone who works with Shane.”
David was an okay guy, but I’d never spoken to him outside of work. He flopped down onto our blanket and seemed like he was making himself at home. West looked at me and I shrugged.
“What are you guys up to?” David asked with a grin.
“Enjoying each other’s company,” West said, and his snide tone carried through strongly.
David glanced at him and then back at me, and it was almost painful to see the understanding flash across his face—that he wasn’t wanted. He hopped to his feet, practically cringing. “Right! Yeah, well, Teeny and I were going for a walk, so sure, I’ll, uh, see you at work.” David sent me another bright, even-toothed smile and turned to walk away, patting his leg for his dog to follow.
I felt bad about chasing David off, but I let him go. It wasn’t like I cared much about my job anyway. West cut looks between David and me until he was out of earshot.
“You work with that guy?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. You never mentioned it.” His jaw ticked. “He presumed you wouldn’t mind him hanging out with you.”
I poked at West’s thigh with my toe. “You told me I should make friends.”
“Is he a friend?”
I laughed so hard that I had to lay down on the grass nearby and kept right on chuckling when West leaned over to glare at me. “You should see yourself.”
He huffed and hunched over, planting a kiss on me, and I sighed into the touch. The press of his lips to mine was soft and sweet and lingering. The caress wasn’t about getting anything more for himself than just this. I loved the way he carefully owned my mouth, but when I tried to wrap my arms around his shoulders, he backed off with a smile.
“Now, now, we’re in public, Boy.”
I sighed. “You started it by feeding me.”
“That was essential. You need your strength.”
We messed around for the rest of the day, dashing into the water and then lying out on the grass to warm up. We finished off the food, and by the time the sun was sinking, I was a bit sun scorched and we were both yawning. As we hauled everything back to the car, we ran into David again in the parking lot. He waved awkwardly to us, and I waved back.
“Good to meet your boyfriend,” he called out as he opened the door to let his dog into the back of his car. “See you at work on Monday.”
“Sure,” I yelled back.
West had come to a standstill beside me with his hand on the trunk of the car, and his face went strangely blank. “Are you okay?”
“Boyfriend?” he asked me, but his gaze was flat as he continued staring toward David where he struggle to put his dog in some sort of harness.
“I guess so, I mean, what else would you call us?”
“You really think of me that way?”
“Don’t you?”
We hadn’t talked about it, but… things seemed to be going toward needing a relationship status. West was quiet, though, as we finished loading the car, and his silence shook me. We rode home without speaking, neither one of us even bothering to touch the radio. When we got to the house, all I wanted to do was get things put away so I could go hide by myself in my bedroom. It had been a long time since I wanted to do that. I was hurt, no two ways about it, and I couldn’t stop myself from feeling that way even though West had never once actually said we were together. I’d liked that David assumed we were a couple, and I hated that West was upset about it.
He popped the trunk, and I shot out of the car to go back and haul the cooler out. I began to lug it toward the front door when West grabbed me by the elbow to stop me before I could get to the sidewalk. I sat down the cooler and turned to glare at him.
“What?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “I’m sorry, okay. I don’t know how I’m really feeling about us. I care about you. I don’t want to see you with someone else.”
Actual anger had me clenching my fists. “Then doesn’t that make us boyfriends?”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“Maybe I want it to.”
“Please.” West’s face crumpled and my heart dropped. “Please, I need some time. You’re just so—”
“Don’t say young,” I muttered.
He tossed up his hands and backed away a few steps.
“Do you need time to get okay with me, or time to think up more reasons why you shouldn’t be with me?” I stepped closer to him, but he looked everywhere except at me. He crossed his arms and had the balls to look pissed off.
Fuck this and fuck him. I left him there and went into the house. I wanted to slam the door so badly—but didn’t. I closed the door quietly after me and then went to my room. I shucked my shirt and thought about showering but didn’t. For a long while, I stood there, leaning against the wall with my shirt in my hand, doing nothing, thinking about nothing. A knock on my door startled me and I dropped my shirt to the floor.
“What?”
The door opened, and West stood there on the other side. His gaze shot down my body and then worked back up to settle on my face. My stomach flushed warm.
“Are you…. I mean, were you planning to sleep with me? I’m thinking of having an early night.” His voice was huskier than usual, like maybe he’d been crying, and his face was splotchy. My heart ached. Why hadn’t he come to me if he needed someone to lean on? I was fucked-up myself about all things related to Carter, but I’d be nice to him. I didn’t ask the questions slicing through my brain because I doubted he would answer me. I glanced at my made bed and couldn’t remember the last night I’d spent in it.
“Yeah. If you want me to.”
He held out his hand for me and I grasped it. We left my room, and he firmly closed the door behind us until there was a click. Gloom had taken over the house. None of the lights were on. West opened his bedroom door and led the way inside.
Chapter 14
West
“I’m sorry.” I dropped my head in my hands. I don’t know who I was really talking to—Carter or Shane. Maybe both of them. The only one here was Shane, though, and he stopped flipping the eggs to glance at me over his shoulder.
“What?” He switched off the stove and turned toward me, arms crossed over the tanned skin of his chest. He still hadn’t forgiven me for the weekend, and I didn’t blame him. I’d panicked, though. I didn’t want Shane to be with anyone else, but the idea of him being my boyfriend terrified me. By being my boyfriend, we couldn’t hide anymore. I’d have to admit to the world, to my friends, to his family, that I was with my dead partner’s much younger brother.
“I said I’m sorry.” I pushed myself off the seat at the kitchen table and walked over to him, touching his upper arms. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“But you did.” Shane stared up at me with those wide brown eyes that made my heart melt. “I know we started off strange, Daddy, but I….” He looked away.