Not even Damon and Hudson knew everything. I’m not even sure Rafe knew the whole story and he’d been right there in that hell hole with me.
I inhaled a shaky breath, raking a hand over my hair. “My childhood isn’t sunshine and rainbows, honeybee.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Her hand glided up my chest and settled on my jaw. “I see the darkness in your eyes, Levi.”
I snorted at that. “It’s not the darkness in my eyes you need to worry about, it’s the darkness in my soul.”
“You don’t scare me,” Phoebe whispered, her tone contradicting her words.
“I should.” My hand moved around the side of her neck so I could brush my thumb over her cheek.
Silence settled between us. It was barely sunrise, the first hint of sunlight just beginning to peek in through the thick, heavy hotel drapes. A new dawn. A fresh start.
Another day of trying to keep my demons at bay.
“What are we doing, Levi?” The uncertainty in Phoebe’s voice hit me like a wrecking ball.
“Do we need to label it?” I didn’t work well with labels.
Idol.
Singer.
Worthless.
Evil.
Fuck up.
“No, I guess not.” She held my eyes. “But I have some lines. Lines I expect you not to cross while we’re... doing whatever this is.”
“You have lines?” I snorted. “Of course you do.”
Phoebe glowered at me, but it was too fucking adorable to be threatening. “Number one, no drugs, at all. That’s a dealbreaker for me.”
I’d expected it but it still felt like a noose around my neck. There would be times when I couldn’t control it, times when I needed to relax or forget or feel something.
“Number two?” I asked, changing the subject because I really didn’t have an answer to her first point.
“No groupies. No waitresses or bar staff or assistants or fangirls... do I need to go on?” Her brow lifted.
“I think I got the point.” I stroked my jaw, smirking. “You’re saying while you’re riding the Levi fun train no one else can.” My dick jerked at the image of her riding me, her thick hair cascading down her back, her honey eyes blown with pleasure.
Phoebe swatted my chest. “You want this, you play by the rules.”
“You’ll be the only girl sucking my dick, don’t worry.”
Her lips parted on a soft gasp, doing nothing for the dirty images running through my mind.
“Was there a number three?”
“We don’t tell anyone.”
“The fuck?”
Her cheeks turned pink as she held my confused stare. “I need this job, Levi. For more reasons than one.”
I didn’t want to be anyone’s secret. I’d spent too much of my life being the kid that nobody wanted.
“Are you ashamed of me?” The words flew from my lips before I could stop them. Regret filled Phoebe’s eyes as she crawled over me, straddling my hips.
“No, no. It isn’t like that.” She touched my face. “You know the label will frown on it, they have those kinds of rules for a reason. I’m not a famous rock star, Levi. I don’t have an endless bank account and my dad hasn’t financially supported me since I turned eighteen. I can’t lose this job. I just can’t.”
“Can the band know?”
What the fuck was I saying? I didn’t want to put a label on us, but I didn’t want to sneak around like a dirty little secret either.
“Levi...”
“They already know something happened between us, Bee.” I curved my hand around her neck and pulled her down to me. “They can be discreet. We’re on tour; there isn’t a lot of time to be alone. I don’t want to keep this from them.”
Her hand slid over my shoulder as she touched her brow to mine. “Don’t break my heart, Levi. I’m not sure I’d survive it.”
Guilt punctured my chest. Phoebe knew me. She knew guys like me. She knew I couldn’t offer her that and yet, she asked me anyway. Because sometimes it was better to live in the lie than survive the truth.
I kissed her hard and said, “I promise.”
I stayed until the sun came up, and then snuck out of Phoebe’s room like a thief in the night. Except, my stealth clearly needed some work because I walked straight into Letty as she sipped her morning coffee.
“Want one?” she asked, as if the fact I’d just left her intern’s bedroom was no big deal. “There’s a fresh pot.”
“Hmm, no, I’m good.”
“Relax, Levi. I’m not Alistair. I’m not going to remind you of the label’s policy on fraternizing with—”
“Yeah, yeah, Panem, save it. I’m well aware of the risks.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s still sleeping.” After I’d fucked her in the shower, Phoebe had climbed back into bed and passed out.
“I’m sure she is.” She smirked, and I flipped her off.
“Come on, sit, have coffee.”
I eyed her with suspicion. “Is this the part where you grill me and then warn me not to break your girl’s heart?”
“I think we know there’s no use in that. You’ve obviously both decided to throw caution to the wind and... well, whatever this is.” She waved her hand around.
“We’re not putting a label on it.”
“Of course not. Wouldn’t want to pretend it means more than it does.”
I flipped Letty off again, and she chuckled. “You’re both adults, Levi. And you’ll do whatever you want to do anyway. All I’m asking is for you to be careful. Phoebe is...”
“Yeah.” I didn’t need Letty to tell me she harbored some dark shit. I saw it every time I looked at her.
I was beginning to wonder if that’s why I was so drawn to her.
“From what I can gather, things ended badly with her ex. Has she talked to you about him?”
“A little.” My shoulders lifted in a small shrug.
I didn’t like to think about Phoebe with another guy. In fact, I fucking hated the idea. But I was weirdly obsessed with knowing stuff. Did Zephyr make her moan the same way I did? Did he know exactly how to touch her to make her shatter?
Did he love her?
If he had, why did it end?
Why on earth had he ever let her walk away?
“Look, you’re both adults, you can make your own decisions. And for some ungodly reason, Phoebe seems to like you.” Letty poked out her tongue, and I flipped her off... again. “Just take it slow.”
“Relax, it’s not like I intend on putting a ring on her finger. It’s just a bit of—” I swallowed the words, because it wasn’t just a bit of fun.
It wasn’t that at all.
“Yeah,” Letty gave me a sad smile, “didn’t think so.”
Heavy silence settled over us as we drank our coffee. In the early days, when we’d done our first tour, mornings had been a damn sight different to this. Letty usually had to drag us out of bed, hungover and exhausted. Our hotel rooms were always full of people: roadies, crew, fangirls, the clingers-on all looking for their next meal ticket. It had been the perfect distraction from my demons. The never-ending flow of attention and liquor and drugs was like a balm to my dirty black soul.