Wetting her lips, Phoebe swallowed hard. “You’re not making this easy, Levi.”
“Who said I want to make it easy?” Leaning in, I ran my nose along her jaw, reveling in the soft moan that escaped her lips. Taking one of her hands, I pulled it under the table and pressed it over my rock-hard dick.
“Maybe I want to make it really, really hard.” My eyes dropped to hers, and Phoebe’s lips parted on a silent ‘O’.
I massaged her hand over me, not caring that Letty was a few feet away. It was the wrong fucking move because now all I could think about was getting inside her. Burying myself so deep that she forgot her own name.
“Levi, stop,” she whisper-hissed, pulling her hand away. My soft laughter filled the bus.
“How long do think you can keep this up, really?”
Indignation flashed in her eyes. “This isn’t a game.” She pinned me with a hard look.
“No, it’s not. It’s inevitable.”
A faint smile traced her lips. Lips I wanted to devour, to slide my dick between and—
“Hey, what’s going on here?” Hudson poked his head around the wall. I’d never seen anyone move so quickly. Phoebe darted away from me and pretended to be reading something on her cell.
“Just being my usual annoying self,” I said, feeling a lick of irritation up my spine. I knew Phoebe wanted to keep us a secret, but I didn’t like thinking she was ashamed of me.
Of course she is, the little voice whispered.
A dark cloud descended over me. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything. I couldn’t escape to the bedroom, this bus didn’t have one, so I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. The darkness wasn’t a friend, it never had been, but knowing Phoebe was close, knowing she was almost within touching distance, settled something inside me.
Even though she’d hurt me just now, I still took comfort from her proximity.
I still let her presence fight my monsters.
“Come here you little brat.” Mom grabbed my hair and dragged me out of the bedroom I shared with my brother. “What did I tell you about always playing that crap?”
“It’s just music, Mom,” I cried, my head burning where her fingers pulled my hair.
“It’s the devil’s work, boy, that’s what it is. Just like your dirty black soul. You’re just a kid.” She shoved me hard and my underdeveloped body crashed against the counter. I knew I was smaller than other kids my age because last week at the store we’d run into Mrs. Dexter and her kids. Charlie was nine like me, but he had more meat on his bones, and he was taller. Asshole.
I wanted to be big and tall and have muscles. Then Mom wouldn’t be able to push me around. Then I’d be able to take my brother Rafe far away from here.
“What do you possibly know about rock and roll?”
“I like Jagger’s voice. Everyone says I sound just like him.”
She cackled, revealing her rotten dirty teeth. “You sound like a rock star? Don’t be so ridiculous. You’re a kid. Nothing but an evil little cunt.”
“Mama,” I shrieked, clutching her arm. Rafe would be close by, he always was, and I didn’t want him to hear her cussing.
“Get off me.” She backhanded me across the face, and I crumpled to the floor, tears burning my eyes. I tried to swallow them down, but it hurt. It hurt so bad.
“You ruined my life. Do you know that kid? Your father left because he didn’t want you, Rafe’s daddy left because he couldn’t stand to look at you, and now I’m stuck with you.”
“They didn’t leave me because of me,” I screamed. “They left because of you. You’re mean and you say mean things.”
Her eyes turned black and I knew I’d messed up. I should have just kept my mouth shut. But sometimes I got so mad. I wasn’t a bad person, I wasn’t.
“What did you say to me?” She fisted my hair again, yanking me up to my feet.
“N-nothing, Ma’am. I’m sorry, I sorry. I just—ow!” Her overgrown fingernails split open my skin and I felt a warm trickle of blood.
“You’re nothing, boy, nothing. And one day, I’ll be rid of you forever.”
“Levi.” Soft fingers stroked my hair. I leaned into their touch, moaning. “Hmm...” Laughter drifted over me and I finally cracked an eye open.
“You fell asleep.” Phoebe’s smile greeted me.
My hand shot out, fisting her t-shirt, and I pulled her down to me, capturing her lips.
“Levi,” she protested, pressing her hands firmly against my chest. But I was too strong, and I needed her too fucking much.
“Just one little kiss, honeybee.” I didn’t know where we were, my head swimming with confusion. I’d been dreaming. Dark desolate dreams that made me feel hollow and weak. Opening my eyes to see her face was like a rainbow after a brutal storm. I wanted to soak it up, drown in her light.
I just wanted her.
The realization was that strong, I hooked my arms tighter around Phoebe, crushing her to me.
“Levi, what has gotten into you?” she chuckled, trying to slide her hands back to my chest and get leverage to look up at me.
“Just let me have this,” I murmured, my lips going to the shell of her ear. “I just need... fuck, Phoebe...” You, it’s you.
She held me, staying still with me in that moment. It was everything... yet, nowhere near enough.
I hadn’t had a nightmare, not in the traditional sense of the word. No, my monsters liked to hide in my dreams. To pounce when I least expected them. I could still see her face. Her twisted smile and taunting eyes. Her snarl as she berated me. You’re nothing, boy, nothing.
“You’re shaking,” Phoebe said, finally getting enough leverage to look into my eyes.
“I’ll be okay,” I murmured, sheer exhaustion creeping into every muscle.
“What happened?”
“Trust me, Bee, you’re not ready to know all my secrets.”
A frown crossed her expression. “I want to help.”
“You do,” I said with conviction. “This, you being here with me, it helps.”
We sat there for a little longer. I didn’t ask where everyone was, and she didn’t tell me. I was just relieved to have her there.
After a little while, Phoebe untangled herself from my arms. “We should probably...”
“Yeah,” I swallowed, “okay. Just give me a minute.”
“Of course, I’ll be right outside.” Phoebe kissed my cheek before leaving me. I watched her disappear down the hall and heard her exit the bus.
Running a hand down my face, I took a shuddering breath. The pit in my stomach was bottomless, making me feel nauseous. It would have been so easy to grab a bottle of liquor and try to drown my monsters. But I’d made a promise to myself—and Phoebe—to try.
After inhaling another deep breath, I went to join my bandmates. The second I stepped off the bus, I saw them all watching, waiting. But I only had eyes for Phoebe. She looked up, her worried gaze meeting mine and before I knew what I was doing, I marched toward her and pulled her into my arms. She let out a little gasp of surprise as I hugged her tight. But to my relief she hugged me right back. We stood there, in the middle of the fucking parking lot, holding each other.