“I was thinking of maybe vegging out and watching a movie,” Jacob said cautiously as they ate. He couldn’t bear any more house emptying. Not today. He was still raw. Lucas nodded and swallowed.
“Can I ask something?”
Lucas looked nervous, and Jacob nodded. “Of course.”
“While I was getting the cleaning things, I noticed some decorations in the garage and a tree I think. I just wondered if you wanted them up?” He shrugged. “Dumb question, I guess. You might not be here for Christmas.”
But Lucas would be, and just because he was a grinch, didn’t mean he had to inflict that on Lucas. “You can put up whatever you like. I’ll help you though. The tree’s way too big to manage on your own.”
“Really?” Lucas’s face lit up, and Jacob couldn’t help the indulgent smile.
“Something tells me you take the holiday season seriously?”
Lucas flushed, but he nodded, and Jacob filed that thought away for later. They watched a couple of movies and generally didn’t do much of anything for the rest of the day. Lucas had made a quick pasta for supper which Jacob ate way too much of, and he found the nearer it got to Lucas going out, the less Jacob wanted him to. He could have quite easily watched another movie, but when Lucas disappeared for a shower, after a moment, Jacob decided to do the same.
He might just go in the club for a few minutes and check out this Gabriel guy.
“Jacob Morrison, meet Gabriel McCarthy,” Adrian said as Jacob wandered over to the bar after Lucas had scurried away to start work. Jacob reached out to shake the offered hand and gazed at the younger man in front of him. He looked good. Short, neatly trimmed beard, warm brown eyes, and a frank open expression. They could have been friends if…if Jacob had been staying. Jacob’s eyes slid to where Lucas was bussing a table. His movements were quick and a lot more confident than the last time he had watched him. He even smiled politely and respectfully at two Doms who were sitting in the corner. Jacob watched as interest flashed obviously on one of their faces.
“He’s going to be beating them off with a stick.”
Jacob turned back to Gabriel, not attempting for one second to misunderstand who Gabriel was talking about. “Lucas told me you spoke yesterday?” He tried not to sound suspicious, accusatory even, but from the small smile on Gabriel’s features, he guessed he didn’t succeed.
“I understand he’s living with you, but you’re not mentoring him, and you have no interest in the lifestyle anymore.”
Jacob swallowed. It was almost a slap. “I still feel he’s somewhat my responsibility,” Jacob admitted.
Gabriel dipped his head in acknowledgement. “I would guess that’s in your nature. You can ask Adrian about my history. He did after all introduce us yesterday. I get the impression Lucas is looking for someone to nurture him.”
Jacob’s heart seemed to bang against his ribs. Nurture. It was exactly the word Jacob would have used.
“I’m not interested in merely playing anymore. I’m interested in a long-term, preferably permanent arrangement with someone who wants the same.”
“Except Lucas hasn’t had the opportunity to so much as date someone, so he might not know what sort of relationship he wants, if any.”
Gabriel gazed at Jacob as if weighing his words. “Which is why he would need someone with endless patience and stability. I’ve recently settled into this area, but I have established my own business, and I’m putting down roots.”
It was another dig, and Jacob didn’t even know why he was arguing. Gabriel was right. He was staying, and Jacob was most definitely not. His eyes fell on Lucas again, who seemed to be incredibly busy.
Someone else stepped up to talk to Gabriel, and demoralized and not sure why, he murmured an excuse and went to sit down in the far corner. It discouraged others from talking to him, but still meant he could keep an eye on Lucas.
“Would you like a beer, Sir?”
Jacob brought Lucas into focus. He was smiling, and Jacob was helpless not to smile back. “I’m happy with water.” What he’d really like was to go home and snuggle up on the couch with hot chocolate and more movies. Lucas perched down next to him.
“I can get home safely.”
“I know,” Jacob admitted. He looked at the soft brown hair that framed Lucas’s face. “I’m just not sure I want to go home on my own.” Lucas’s eyes widened at Jacob’s admission. “I’m not sure of anything,” he added.
“I can’t leave for another fifty minutes, but if you wait until then, I can leave with you.”
Jacob, knowing he was a shit, glanced over at Gabriel, who was still talking to another Dom. “What about Gabriel?”
“I’d rather go home with you.” Soft highlights glinted in Lucas’s eyes.
“I can’t promise anything.”
Lucas nodded and stood. “If you’re still here when I’m through, I’ll come home with you.”
Was he insane? Yes. Yes, absolutely. He also was a shit. An unfair one. How could he deny Lucas the chance of happiness with someone else when he knew he was incapable of being an alternative? “I’m still moving to England.” He was. He had to.
“I understand.”
Did he? “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What if I’m not sure if I know what I want either?” Lucas asked challengingly. “What if I want to experiment with someone and not be tied down?” He waved the white band in Jacob’s face. “What if I just want a Christmas I will never forget?”
“That’s what you want? A Dom for Christmas?” Jacob laughed out loud because it was ridiculous.
“No,” Lucas said softly. “Not just a Dom. A Daddy.”
Jacob inhaled sharply. A Daddy for Christmas. “Just for Christmas?”
Lucas nodded slowly. “Four weeks or however much time you have. No regrets. I can see if it’s something I want long term.” He shrugged. “Charlie told me that Daddies usually want something permanent. I know Gabriel does, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
Jacob searched Lucas’s face. Was he serious? But he met Jacob’s face almost defiantly, and Jacob’s heart seemed to leap in his chest. It would be a way of getting this out of his system once and for all. It would give Lucas the experience, the taste of something without committing himself.
Could he do it? Lucas went to take his tray to the bar. He noticed Gabriel asked him a question, and Lucas said something back. Gabriel nodded, glanced at Jacob, and then got off his stool and wandered over toward the dungeon. He didn’t look at Jacob again. Jacob came and sat back at the bar, finished the water that Adrian put in front of him, and counted the minutes until ten.
Chapter Nine
Lucas nearly dropped the second tray of glasses in the back of the bar next to the glass washer because his hands were shaking so much. He’d gone crazy. Officially insane. Jacob was leaving in just less than a month, and Lucas had turned down the chance of a long-term relationship for the sake of a fling that would rip his heart out when it was done.
He’d lied. Every single word. But if it meant he got to spend four weeks with Jacob in the way he desperately wanted, it would be worth it. The minutes seemed to drag. He came back with tray after tray of glasses and took orders to tables. He kept busy, but every time he came around from the back of the bar, his eyes immediately sought out Jacob’s and his heart fluttered when he saw he was still there.