Jacob nodded. “Do you trust me? Sorry.” He held his hand up. “That was a dumb question. You don’t know me well enough to trust me.”
“Yes,” Lucas said. “Yes, I trust you.”
Jacob smiled and raised his mug to toast Lucas’s. “Then Operation Christmas Daddy starts today.”
Chapter Ten
Lucas was practically vibrating with excitement. Daddy was planning all sorts of things for them, and he’d made them breakfast.
“I would prefer you to have an evening bath over the next couple of days, but I need you to have a warm shower this morning as well. If you scoot upstairs, I’ll be up there in a moment to help you shave.”
Lucas gaped stupidly. Help me shave?
“I like smooth skin,” Jacob added wickedly, and Lucas in sudden understanding blushed to the roots of his hair. Jacob tipped his chin to the stairs, and Lucas, not needing to be told twice, hustled. Shave? And Jacob clearly didn’t mean his chin. Lucas winced as he remembered the time he’d tried it in high school. He’d thought he’d done okay, but the day after he’d been in agony, and apart from a trim, he’d never done it again.
“Have you ever done this?” Jacob asked as he walked into the bedroom with a small bag.
Lucas flushed. “High school.”
“Let me guess,” Jacob asked. “Cheap disposable razors? Or worse, whatever your mom had?”
“Maybe,” Lucas admitted, wanting to crawl back under the covers in shame.
Jacob chuckled. “I’m going to show you how to do it properly, and for the purposes of our agreement how I prefer it.” He raised an eyebrow. ‘What’s your safe word?”
“Red,” Lucas whispered, before turning and hurrying into the bathroom.
“Don’t get in the shower yet. I need to trim you.”
Lucas froze, then backtracked to the bedroom. Jacob nodded to the bed where he’d spread a towel out. “Now the important thing is always to make sure the guard is on so you can’t get too close, and not to touch the skin. If your hair is long—”
Lucas dropped his pants and scrambled on the bed. His eyes were tightly shut, so it was a moment before he realized Jacob had stopped speaking. Convinced there was something wrong, he opened them in alarm just to see Jacob staring at him. Jacob raised his eyes and met Lucas’s. Lucas couldn’t have spoken if his life had depended on it. Jacob dipped his eyes but not before Lucas had seen them deepen in color. What did that mean? He so badly wanted the reaction to spell arousal, but was it?
“You aren’t actually going to need much trimming,” Jacob said at last and sat down getting everything out, and he was right. Jacob was done in a couple of minutes, and apart from apologizing for cold hands, it was done with barely any touching. With a mixture of nerves and excitement, Lucas had been getting hard, but disappointment soon altered that. In fact, the only thing hot at the moment was his cheeks. He shouldn’t be embarrassed. Jacob had seen him naked. He’d helped him in and out of the bath, changed his pajamas, so why was he suddenly bothered?
Or was it he had expected something else instead of a cool, impersonal touch. Shrugging and calling himself all sorts of stupid, he went into the bathroom and stepped under the warm water.
“Make sure you warm your groin area. It helps.” Lucas almost huffed. He wished.
“I have a subscription service and new blades, so we can use this until we get you something.” Jacob casually walked into the bathroom like it was nothing, and Lucas almost wanted to cry. He thought Daddies were supposed to be caring. He didn’t expect a declaration of love obviously, and he knew this was temporary, but he didn’t expect Jacob to be so cold and matter-of-fact.
Had he made a huge mistake? Had he turned down the chance of what he wanted for some stupid infatuation. The word “red” almost trembled on his tongue as he turned the water off and got out of the shower. He turned to grab the towel only to face Jacob holding one, and before he could say a word, Jacob was efficiently drying him. Efficient. He hadn’t realized how much he hated that word before now. In a few minutes, Jacob had wrapped a robe around him and led him to the bed.
Lucas sat down and stared at the floor silently. Jacob got his razor out and a tub. “This is shave butter. It means I can see what I’m doing.”
Lucas nodded.
“Lie on your back,” Jacob asked, and Lucas did. He kept his eyes closed.
There was a moment’s silence, and then he felt the bed dip. “What’s wrong?”
Lucas’s eyes flew open, but he didn’t, couldn’t speak.
“There’s no need to be nervous,” Jacob said quietly.
“I’m not.” Not about that anyway.
Jacob seemed to stare at him for a really long time. “Have you changed your mind?”
Had he? Should he say that? He didn’t know. Jacob stood, obviously taking his silence as a yes.
“No,” Lucas blurted out. “But I think you have.”
Jacob’s lips parted, and then he swallowed heavily. “What makes you say that?”
“Because it’s like you’re forcing yourself to touch me.” Lucas sighed. “I understand. I really do, but I don’t think this is going to work. Not if I think you can’t even stand looking at me.”
Jacob gaped at him for a few seconds but then nodded almost as if to himself. The bottom dropped out of Lucas’s stomach. He’d known. He rolled over, pulling the robe to him, and went to get up. He might as well get dressed. He could start on the office down the hall.
“Wait.” Jacob’s hand curled around Lucas’s wrist. Not painfully, but Lucas sure wasn’t going anywhere. He let go, then slowly caught Lucas’s chin with his finger, bent down, and tipped it up so he was looking at him. “I seem to be making a mess of this all round.”
He sat on the bed, one hand clasping Lucas’s hand, the other sliding around to cradle his palm. “Let me explain.”
“You don’t have to.”
Jacob dropped his hand to cover the other one of Lucas’s and brought them together. “We both know I’ve seen you naked when you were sick, but that is the first time when you were far from it, and I was taken aback at how quickly I reacted. You’re gorgeous,” Jacob admitted. “And I was incredibly and very suddenly turned on for what’s the first time in two years. I didn’t deal with that very well.”
Lucas’s heart hurt. Of course he would feel guilty and probably very confused.
“So I tried to pretend it hadn’t happened. I buried it like I’ve buried every emotion I’ve felt since Ben died, and I managed to come across as an unfeeling bastard.”
Lucas didn’t know what to say, but he scooted closer.
“Patrick gave me the number of a therapist to talk to.” He took a breath. “I’m going to do that. I need to do that.”
“That’s a good idea,” Lucas said quietly. “I imagine you’re hoping for a fresh start in England, but unless you’re open to that, it won’t help.”
Jacob gazed at him, a small rueful smile on his lips. “I’d really like to try this again if you’re willing.”