“Hamilton is my bro, you know? This is my thing. Our thing…”
“Look, if you want me to stay home, I will. But you don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to feel like your entire friendship depends on one day.”
“Do you ever just feel like you owe someone your life?” Jess asked quietly. She’d curled her arms around herself and was staring at the concrete. I knew exactly what she meant. Every day I woke up, I felt like I owed my mother. “I wasn’t always this confident, gorgeous bitch that had her shit together. I once struggled. Really bad. Hamilton stopped me from—” Jess grabbed her chest and rubbed it, like the pain in her words was stewing there. “Hamilton is a good man. A tortured man, but still good. This is the one day a year where he shows his vulnerabilities, and it’s also the one day a year I can pay him back for saving my life.”
Her words were powerful, landing like a punch straight to my chest.
I wanted to hug her. Reassure her. Shoulder some of the burdens she’d been carrying, but before I could, the front door opened, and Hamilton came jogging out. Jess wiped a stray tear and smiled. “You ready to have your ass handed to you?” she asked, her cocky façade flooding her tone.
“I seem to recall beating your ass last year?” Hamilton replied while Jess shook her head. They both looked at me, and I shifted on my feet awkwardly. I didn’t think this was something they wanted me to go to.
“Well, you guys have fun. I’ll see you later,” I said before stepping forward to give Hamilton a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was still nervous for him, but I knew he was in good hands.
“I don’t think so, princess. You better get on some comfortable clothes because it’s girls against boys at paintball, and you can’t run in those boots you’re wearing,” Jess teased while nodding at my feet.
“Really?” I asked. Admittedly, I had zero desire to shoot paint at people, but if it was what they needed, then okay.
Jess leaned over and playfully shoved my shoulder. “Get dressed. We’re leaving in five.”
22
The restaurant looked cozy and romantic. It was dark inside, flickers of candlelight the only thing illuminating every table. The walls were lined with exposed brick, a warm red color. Arched windows lined a west-facing wall, showing off the last bit of light from sunset. It smelled delicious, robust Italian spices hitting my senses as waiters dressed in all black carried platters of authentic cuisine from table to table.
“This place is beautiful,” I whispered in awe.
“It’s the same as I remembered,” Hamilton replied quietly while we waited for a table. I reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing lightly. Today had been exhausting. Jess wasn’t kidding when she said we had to fill every second with activities to distract Hamilton. Paintball was fun, though I already had bruises forming on my back from where I got shot. I sat out on rock climbing, and the hike wasn’t a leisurely stroll. It was five miles on an intense incline with Hamilton practically jogging the entire way. Every muscle in my body was sore, and I knew that I’d be paying for our adventure for at least the next week.
I was surprised that Hamilton wanted to come here. It was his mother’s favorite restaurant, and I felt conflicted about his motives. From what I gathered, Hamilton didn’t want to think about her today. It’s why Jess had a fucking itinerary full of things planned out.
“Did your mother used to bring you here?” I asked softly. Dealing with Hamilton today was like navigating land mines. I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to ask and what would send him over the edge. I tried to stay attuned to his reactions, but his behavior made it difficult.
“I know you’re worried about me,” Hamilton said. “And I know this is confusing, and I should have probably given you a heads-up about today.” I chewed on my tongue, forcing myself not to ask him another round of questions. “I didn’t want to stress you out more than you already were. I thought I could handle it.”
“It doesn’t stress me out,” I argued. “What stresses me out is not knowing what to expect with you. I don’t want to say something that’ll upset you. You spent an entire day avoiding the issue, then bring me to a place that reminds you of her…”
The hostess called someone’s name, and a nearby party of four got up to be seated.
“Mom’s best friend owns this place,” Hamilton explained. “He and his husband moved away a while ago, but we would come here for everything. Birthdays. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Anniversaries. On the rare occasion I saw her happy, she was sitting in these booths. The night she died, we were supposed to go here to celebrate me scoring a goal in soccer.”
“But you never came here that night because she...” I whispered.
“No. And I haven’t been here ever since, either. I never really had someone that made me want to be happy again before. Jess tried. She thought I could get closure if I just finally went to dinner, you know? And I’m not stupid. I recognize that my coping mechanisms aren’t healthy. I just wanted to do this with you. We don’t have to talk about her. We don’t have to remember her right now. We just have to be happy for a night. I think she’d really like that—she’d really like you.”
“Beauregard, party of two?” The hostess said, drawing both of our attention. I stood up, though it felt like there was still so much more to say. Hamilton wrapped his arm around me before whispering in my ear.
“I just want to be happy tonight, okay? For her.”
“Okay,” I whispered back before he guided me through the restaurant toward our table.
Once we sat down, a waitress took our drink order. He got a glass of wine I’d never heard of before. I got water. “You did good out there at paintball. Though you kind of cheated by hiding for most of the game.”
“You’re just jealous that I was small enough to fit between those two boulders,” I replied with a chuckle. I welcomed the change in pace of our conversation. “I’m worn out, though. Can you massage my shoulders tonight?”
“I’ll do a full rub down on you, Petal,” Hamilton replied before lifting his wineglass and taking a sip. His eyes were trained on me as he drank.
“Good. Because I’m sore all over. Jess is like a drill sergeant.”
Hamilton tipped back his head and laughed, the sound melodic and tempting. “She takes today very seriously. I don’t know what I would do without her, honestly. And I’m shocked that she included you in it. She’s kind of…protective of that role. I’ve had girlfriends in the past, but she’s never invited them.”
Girlfriend? There was a lot to unpack with that statement. My eyes widened, but I tried to play it cool. “I like Jess,” I replied, my voice nothing but a squeak.
“Is the girlfriend label freaking you out?” Hamilton asked with a smirk. Damn him for knowing what I was thinking.
“Last I checked, you didn’t like labels,” I countered. It felt like we were playing a game of chess, with the first person to admit their feelings losing.
“I like that we’re doing plural things,” Hamilton replied. “I’d like to do couple things more.” I clutched my chest and stared at him. Hamilton was devastatingly sexy. He wore a suit for the occasion, his black hair combed to the side and the shadow of hair dusting his jaw giving him a dangerous edge. I could have crawled across the tabletop and kissed him. “Are you okay with labeling this? Are you prepared to go against your mother?”