I stopped washing her hair and leaned back, my own tears flowing freely now. “I’ve felt like this obligation. Something holding you back.”
Mom reached out and cupped my cheek. “You push me forward. I wake up every single day knowing I have you in my life.”
I hugged her wet body, not caring that she was getting my pajamas drenched. “You don’t have to stay with Joseph, Mom,” I whispered. “We were plenty happy before. We can be happy again.”
“It’s not that easy, baby. He’s my husband.”
“He’s your abuser,” I replied.
That word sent a shiver through her thin body. “I don’t want to talk about this. He wouldn’t be angry if you’d stop this nonsense with Hamilton.”
It was like she slammed a wall between us, ruining the sentimental moment. Grabbing a nearby cup, she rinsed her hair of shampoo by dumping the water on her head like a baptism. I watched her for a moment before speaking. “I don’t know what I’m doing with Hamilton,” I admitted. It felt good to finally talk about him with my mother. Even if she didn’t approve, I needed to get it off my chest. “Sometimes, it feels like he could be the one, Mom.”
Mom’s mouth dropped open, but she schooled her expression quickly. “You’re too young to have the one.”
“We have this connection I can’t explain. I tried to stay away. It’s not just physical. But sometimes, I feel like I don’t know him. The Beauregards have a lot of secrets…”
“You don’t know the half of it,” Mom mumbled.
“What do you mean?”
Mom grabbed the conditioner and started coating the ends of her hair with it, working it up to her scalp with slow, methodical movements. “It’s better if you don’t know. I had no idea just how far their reach is…”
“More of a reason to get out while we can, Mom.”
“It’s too late for me, Vera,” she croaked.
“It’s never too late, Mom.”
Mom and I spent the rest of the night in silence. Every time I asked her what was going on with Joseph and the Beauregards, she closed off, sealing her mouth shut and refusing to talk to me about all of it. I wanted to pry the information from her lips, but I also didn’t want to pressure her into telling me things she wasn’t yet ready to share. She was hurting, she was a victim. I wanted to rush her to the police station and have Joseph behind bars, but I had to do things on her terms. In a time where her life felt out of control, it was important to make sure the decision to get help was in her hands.
When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over in bed, expecting to see my battered mother sleeping there, finally getting a peaceful night’s rest. But instead of her snoozing frame, her side of the mattress was empty. I shot out of bed and started wandering the apartment, my feet shuffling across the wood floors. “Mom?” I called out. Nothing.
In the kitchen, there was no sign of her. It wasn’t until I saw the scrawled note on the back of a receipt that I realized what she’d done.
Baby,
Joseph called. I got up early and drove home. Loved the girl’s night. See you soon.
Xoxo,
Mom
I quickly grabbed my phone and dialed her number, but it went straight to voicemail. It was about a five hour drive from here to DC. What time had she left? Certainly she wasn’t there already.
I didn’t have a car, or I would have gotten on the road right then and chased her down. I needed more time to convince her that she deserved better than Joseph. This wasn’t safe. What if Joseph killed her? Fuck! I knew how this would play out. Mom needed my support more than ever. I refused to let Joseph break her.
I didn’t want to call Hamilton so soon, but I really did need his help. It wasn’t like I could knock on Jared’s door, and I didn’t know Jess well enough to ask her to drive me to DC. I called him and was directed straight to his voicemail. “Where are you, Hamilton?” So much for, call me if you need anything.
Deciding that I couldn’t just sit here waiting, I got dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a gray, knit sweater and slipped on some boots before ordering an Uber to Hamilton’s townhouse. Much to my annoyance, the driver treated the ride like a leisurely stroll. My leg bounced as I rode. I clutched my cell phone in my fist and stared out the window at the passing buildings. The moment I pulled up to his neighborhood, I unbuckled and threw myself out of the car once we parked. Hamilton’s motorcycle wasn’t out front, but his Range Rover was. I knocked on the door, and the only thing to greet me on the other side was Little Mama’s barks. I could hear her pawing at the door and whining to get to me. I didn’t have a key, or I would have opened it up to check inside.
“Where are you, Hamilton?” I said with a curse before calling him once again. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here. Maybe I just needed to hop on the first train to DC and call the police. Fuck. I should have just taken her to the hospital last night. I was so scared that I’d push her away if I forced the issue, but she ended up leaving anyway.
But what would I do once I got there? Could I go up against Joseph alone? If the Beauregard reach was as bad as everyone claimed, could I even go to the police? Where was Hamilton? I left him in rough shape last night. He was already struggling with the anniversary of his mother’s death and seeing Jack. Then, I left him alone. What if he did something reckless?
I dialed his number again, and it went to voicemail. “Hamilton. Please call me back. Please. I’m sorry about last night, okay?” I paced in front of his house for a moment longer, and once I was certain that he wasn’t home, I called Jess, who answered on the fourth ring.
“Hello? It’s the asscrack of dawn, and I work tonight. This better be good.” She sounded groggy.
“Do you know where Hamilton is?” I asked, my voice rushed and desperate. Jess must have picked up on the worry in my tone, because when she spoke again, she sounded more alert.
“I thought he was with you?”
“We got into a fight last night,” I admitted. “My mom showed up. She needed medical attention and—”
“Wait. Slow down. What?”
Hot tears fell down my face, and I chewed on my lip. “I need to find Hamilton. I think he’s the only person who can help me. Joseph hurt her, and she went back to him. Why did she go back, Jess? I could have helped her. We could have gotten through this. I don’t know what to do.”
“Where are you?” Jess asked.
“At his house. He isn’t here. Where would he have gone?”
Jess went quiet for a long moment. “I’ll come get you. I think I know where he is.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, I replied, “Thank you, Jess. Thank you so much.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” she snapped before hanging up the phone.
I had a plan. I had somewhere to go. I had help.
I just needed Hamilton.
25
Jess pulled her Honda Accord up to the gate in front of Jack’s home where two guards stood scowling at her scuffed and dented ride. The cloth seats smelled like cigarette smoke, and she was wearing sweats, as if she’d rolled out of bed. I waited for her to pull up the drive, but she didn’t. “I can’t go any further. I was kind of banned from Jack’s home three Christmases ago when I gave Joseph a black eye,” she explained sheepishly. “But I’m willing to bet Hamilton is here.”